


Fools

by mindmyownbznz



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Bobby is tired, Canon Compliant, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Junhoe is emotionally dumb, M/M, basically having a crush on Goo Junhoe sucks, how do you survive being Kim Jiwon?, junbob, smut? there might be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2019-10-29 02:08:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17799089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindmyownbznz/pseuds/mindmyownbznz
Summary: Goo Junhoe is a fool in the matter of understanding feelings, be it other people's or his own, and Kim Jiwon is a fool in the matter of letting go of his one-sided crush, no matter what he does.Or: The many times Junhoe takes Bobby's confession of love for granted, and the one time Bobby finally decides he's had enough.





	1. 01

**Author's Note:**

> \- Inspired by iKON's Vlive in which Junhoe exposed Bobby's confession of love to the rest of the group (September 15th, 2017). Like, woah, Junhoe, how could you.  
> \- I'm trying to be chronologically accurate so I googled iKON's schedule during that time, but I have no idea what went on outside of their Japan Dome Tour schedule and Bobby's Love and Fall release, so I'm winging it out as I go.  
> \- Out of laziness I initially wrote Junhoe's name as June, but I changed in the end.  
> \- This fic probably can't be included in the #Junbobficsparty2019 since it doesn't follow the daily genre/theme. :(  
> \- The plan is to write 10 chapters and I've got the outline for 9 chapters planned out, but let's see.  
> \- The updates might be a little slow since work is horrific this month and the next, and my boss is merciless. I hope you guys understand. :'(  
> \- And as always, forgive me for any grammatical mistake I make.

* * *

 

**1**

**Junhoe**

 

In all honesty, Junhoe had not realized that there was something different in the way Bobby behaved around him, not until he bumped into said man on his way to the toilet backstage in Kobe. Initially, his reflexes took hold and, as soon as he realized whose shoulder he had run into, he was prepared to mutter an apology. He didn't get the chance to say anything, though, because Bobby had already walked away. The older man only spared him one glance--one short, very unwelcoming glance--before he took off to the direction from which he came from, seemingly forgetting his need to go to the bathroom.  
  
There was no time to ponder about what was going on, because Junhoe had a bladder situation to relieve and an encore that was fast approaching. He hurriedly went in to the bathroom and finished his business, and until the concert ended a little bit later that night, he didn't have the chance to revisit his sour encounter with Bobby.  
  
The day was soon coming to an end. With a last bow, the curtains were closed, and they all filed into the cars that would drive them back to the hotel. Junhoe was tired, but he reminded himself that tonight was their finale, and tomorrow, conveniently, they were all finally flying back home to Korea. Japan was undoubtedly great and he loved the minimarkets (the food they sold, to be exact), but it was getting tiresome to have to talk in Japanese all the time. He also missed sleeping in his room back in the dorm, where he didn't have to worry about the mess he made, or whether he left too much trouble for the cleaning service guys who had to clean up his room after him.  
  
The cars were lined up on the street when he got to the pick up point. There didn't seem to be a rule assigning which member sat in which car tonight. The only rule everybody wordlessly agreed on was to get in the car as quickly as they could because they were all dying for a shower and a good night's sleep.  
  
Junhoe felt his legs move almost on auto-pilot, walking wherever he saw Jinhwan, who was right in front of him, went. He saw Jinhwan climbing into one of the black vans, and he followed right after. Thinking it would be great if he got a seat on the back, he felt a little disappointed to find that the back seat was already filled with Chanwoo and then Jinhwan, plus a stack of large bags between them. With a sigh, Junhoe sat down on the seat in the middle, leaving the last seat next to him empty. He pulled out his phone, scrolling through messages and two missed calls from his mother.  
  
A few minutes later, the door of the van opened, but it was the sound of chatter that suddenly died down that grabbed Junhoe's attention and made him look up from the screen of his phone.  
  
Bobby was standing by the opened door, eyes narrowed and his face held an expression that could only be described as tense. Junhoe was almost a 100% certain that that tense stare was pointed at him for a whole second, before Bobby looked away to the side.  
  
"Is that car full? No? Okay." Junhoe heard Bobby speak to someone outside of his line of sight. And without a single word to anyone inside the car, he turned and left. He didn't even close the door behind him.  
  
For another minute, Junhoe stared at the empty space, confused and almost thoroughly convinced that Bobby was mad or at least upset at him. He turned around, trying to get a confirmation from the people who were sitting behind him.  
  
"Hyung," he called out to Jinhwan, "is Bobby-hyung mad at me?"  
  
A sleepy "huh?" was what he received as an answer from Jinhwan, and, "Bobby-hyung was here?" from Chanwoo, followed by the sound of beeping and zapping that must have come from his phone.  
  
"Nevermind," Junhoe sighed, leaning back on his seat.  
  
Soon enough, someone showed up again. Junhoe swiveled his head to see, his heart skipping a couple of beats. For some reason he expected to see Bobby, probably coming back to join them after finding the other car was already full. But apparently it was Yunhyeong, poking his fluffy head in before his entire skinny self climbed into the car and sat down on the empty seat next to Junhoe. Yunhyeong was saying something along the line of 'dying for some wagyu beef' and 'a bottle of cold beer would be great', but Junhoe automatically tuned him out.  
  
The car started moving as soon as everyone got in. Junhoe averted his eyes back to his phone, trying to be interested in whatever his fingers scrolled through, websites and whatnot. But all the texts he saw were mostly in kanji/hiragana/katakana, which made it twice as hard to focus on, so he gave up quickly. He opened his text messages and the KaTalk app on his phone, reading and rereading the messages he received until the words blurred together.  
  
In the end, he let his phone screen black out and turned his eyesight toward the window on his left. Kobe felt like an entirely different world out there compared to what he was used to see everyday back in Seoul, but that was probably his homesickness talking. Streetlights and buildings zipped by as the car sped ahead. Usually he would find this kind of scenery relaxing, inspirational even, but at the moment it was making him dizzy instead.  
  
It was probably the exhaustion from the concert, he thought. He just needed a hot bath and a glass of alcohol, although he had no idea if their manager would allow him to stroll out of the hotel to buy a bottle of beer or two.  
  
This... discomfort, whatever it was, would go away once he got some sleep. Sleep always made things better for him.  
  
But even as the car entered the driveway toward the hotel's entrance, he still couldn't get the image of Bobby's face--dark and unfriendly and just so, so tense--out of his thoughts. It confirmed that his restlessness had nothing to do with his tired physique, and there was nothing he could do tonight, including a hot bath, drinking and getting some sleep, would put his mind to ease. Nothing, except to go ahead and confront the root of the problem.  
  
He needed to talk to Bobby.

×××

  
As soon as he stepped out of his hotel room, he instantly regretted it. The warmth that had lingered after his hot bath leeched right off of his skin and left him shivering in the yellow-lit hallway. It made him desperate to go back into his room, forget the whole thing and just go to sleep like he had intended to.  
  
Moreover, he was getting cold feet. He knew he had made up his mind. He knew he had to do this. It was just that his limbs had suddenly forgotten how to move, or was it his brain that had suddenly ceased to work? He froze in front of his room, questioning his intentions.  
  
'This is no big deal,' he told himself. He was going to march into Bobby's room, ask him what was wrong, apologize if it turned out to be his fault, and then go back to his own room and finally get some long-awaited sleep. Knock on the door, talk, apologize, go back.  
  
If only it really was as easy as it seemed in his head.  
  
He took one deep breath, held it in for a few seconds, and then let it out. The next second, he was taking a shaky step forward.  
  
Room 508, Room 508, he repeated in his mind. It was just three doors down the hall from his room. It didn't even take him more than ten steps until he was standing in front of his destination.  
  
He forced himself to knock on the door before he could have second thoughts and balk. He felt the sound reverberating in his bones, sharp and loud, although he didn't think he knocked too hard. He wondered if the person next door--was it Donghyuk? Or Yunhyeong?--heard it.  
  
The door opened.  
  
"Donghyuk, I told you I didn't have your--Junhoe?!"  
  
The change on Bobby's face was apparent and unmistakable. Junhoe felt like watching a light bulb being switched off, leaving a darkened, closed-up facade that was terrible to see.  
  
Something inside of Junhoe cowered and quivered at the sight. This was the confirmation he was looking for, the 'Yes, Bobby is definitely mad at me.' Now, his job was to figure out what had sparked this anger.  
  
"Bobby-hyung, I was just..." Junhoe started, and hurriedly continued when he saw Bobby shaking his head and backing up like he was about to close the door. "No, please, Hyung, don't... can we talk, please??"  
  
Junhoe was never good at begging, but at the moment he just really needed Bobby not to slam the door on him because that would very much suck.  
  
"It's late, Junhoe, and I'm tired," the rapper said, staring not at Junhoe but seemingly at the wall behind him. "We have an early flight tomorrow."  
  
"It won't take five minutes, I swear," Junhoe said. "Please, Hyung, you're mad at me, I get it. I just want to..."  
  
"We can talk once we're back in Korea."  
  
Junhoe would usually give up by now. Had he been face to face with someone else, he would have taken the hint and left. It's true, it would make small difference whether he confronted Bobby now or tomorrow once they were home in their apartment. But for some reason Junhoe didn't want to back down now that he was here in front of Bobby. The thought of having to endure an entire flight from Japan to Korea, and then a car ride from the airport to their dorm, all under the hostile glare from Bobby, was absolutely unbearable for him.  
  
"Just... just tell me what I've done wrong, Hyung," Junhoe insisted. It crossed his mind how inappropriate this was having this conversation--if it could even be called a conversation--on the hallway of a hotel in Japan, with the surveillance camera probably eyeing on them.  
  
Bobby scoffed and looked away. "Why does it matter anyway? It's not like you care."  
  
"What... Why would you say that? Of course I care, Hyung."  
  
"You care? My my, isn't that new," Bobby griped with enough incredulity in his voice to leave a scar somewhere deep inside of Junhoe.  
  
"I'm sorry, Hyung, I..."  
  
"Cut it out, Goo Junhoe. You don't even know what you're apologizing for, do you?"  
  
The question had his brain screeching to a halt. No, he really didn't know. He didn't have the slightest idea what he had done wrong that had made Bobby so angry with him. "Well, I mean, if you would just tell me..."  
  
"And then what? You won't even..." Bobby paused, gritting his teeth as if holding something in so that he wouldn't explode. "You know what? Fine. I'll tell you."  
  
Junhoe braced himself. He oddly felt like he was going to receive a physical blow, which, if he gave it a thought, would probably be a lot easier to deal with, compared to this invisible anxiety that felt too big to fit in his chest that it was starting to make him hyperventilate.  
  
Bobby looked at him, and for once, he didn't waver. The two of them had never been good at staring at each other eye to eye, proven in many occasions and situations, but right now, he held on quite unnervingly. It took almost every single ounce of willpower Junhoe had not to break eye contact first.  
  
"Remember when you came to talk to me about my album?" Bobby said. "I appreciate that, I really do. Your opinion matters a lot to me. And then do you remember what I told you afterward?"  
  
The moment Bobby was talking about popped in Junhoe's head in an instant. It was a couple of days before the official release date of Bobby's Love and Fall album. Junhoe had heard the songs, a privilege of being fellow member of the same group plus living in the same dorm. He had immediately liked the entire album, and had wanted to tell Bobby that.  
  
Jinhwan's pushing had played a small factor, too, if Junhoe had to be honest. "You're the only one who hasn't told Bobby anything about his album," the mathyung had said. "You're going to leave him hanging like that?"  
  
Sometimes Junhoe thought Jinhwan knew him too well, knew exactly what to say to push him, and took that advantage to force him to do stuff he wasn't originally planning to do.  
  
So he had approached Bobby on his own accord, which was a huge achievement for him who had always found talking to Bobby a massively difficult task. He had told Bobby that he liked the songs in the album, especially 뗀데 and Firework. Bobby had thanked him. They had had a nice, pleasant talk. Junhoe remembered Bobby had even played the raw version of 뗀데 for him.  
  
And afterward? What did Bobby tell him?  
  
Was it, 'I'm happy that you liked the album'? Or, 'good night, see you tomorrow'?  
  
No. Not those.  
  
Oh, wait. Junhoe remembered.  
  
"Can't remember?" Bobby cut off his train of thoughts. "I'll just remind you, then. I told you I loved you, Goo Junhoe. I told you as clearly and as sincerely as I possibly could, I loved you. And then what did you do?"  
  
Junhoe stared at Bobby. What did he do after that? He came back to his room. The next day they--minus Bobby, because he had a schedule for his solo activity--flew back to Japan, continued their Dome Tour, did a Vlive show to update their fans...  
  
"You went and told the whole group that I said that to you, and you laughed," Bobby was practically hissing at this point. "You laughed like it was some kind of joke, like my feelings were just a source of amusement for you and everybody else."  
  
"I... No, Hyung, I didn't..."  
  
"Yes, yes, you did, Junhoe. I can easily open my Vlive app right now and show the damn video to you, but no, let's not do that because I'm trying really hard not to be petty," Bobby carried on. "Have you any idea how many times I've pathetically told you I loved you, only to have you shoving it aside coldly as if it didn't take a shitload of me to speak up to you? Too many times, Junhoe. And I've had enough of this."  
  
Junhoe froze.  
  
This was not what he had expected when he got out of his room earlier. He had presumed that Bobby was mad because of more trivial reasons, such as Junhoe forgetting to return the clothes he borrowed, which happened pretty often, a fact that he wasn't really proud of. Whatever he had thought of before, it definitely was not this. He truthfully had not prepared himself to be facing a very serious situation such as this.  
  
The worst thing of all, he knew exactly what Bobby was talking about. He remembered that Vlive show. He remembered what he had told everyone and what their reaction had been. Bobby's anger was not completely baseless.  
  
"Bobby-hyung, please listen to me, you misunderstood. I really didn't mean to make it sound like a joke," Junhoe said, stuttering. He was getting tongue-tied and this really wasn't the best timing at all.  
  
"Save it, Junhoe, stop thinking about it too much, you're going to hurt your pretty head," Bobby sighed. "I said I was done. That's it. I'm done. I'll leave you alone from now on. You won't feel a difference anyway, seeing that we hardly ever talk to each other. No more stupid Bobby-hyung proclaiming his stupid feelings for you. You can go ahead, live your life, do your thing, I don't know, whatever."  
  
Junhoe knew he should say something when he saw Bobby backing away into his room. He knew he should stop him. But he couldn't say anything. He couldn't even breathe.  
  
"Good night."  
  
With that, Bobby closed the door. He didn't slam it shut like Junhoe had feared, but still the noise sounded so harsh and sinister, like a bang of a revolver in the otherwise silent hallway.  
  
But even worse than the click of that door was Bobby's 'Good night' that Junhoe thought, disturbingly, sounded just like 'Goodbye'.

**× TO BE CONTINUED ×**


	2. 02

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I made up the scene of the movie they're watching, it probably doesn't exist in any movie, I dunno  
> \- I think I finished the chapter rather quickly? Considering that I typed using my phone LMAO  
> \- I forgot to tell you guys but the POV will switch between Junhoe and Bobby, so the 1st chapter was Junhoe's POV, and the 2nd is Bobby's.

**2**

**Bobby**

 

Bobby had just finished a conversation with Chanwoo via phone and now he felt horribly upset. Not because it was Chanwoo, and not because he had been woken up from a hardly earned sleep by Chanwoo's phonecall. In fact, he had been pretty happy at first because Chanwoo had called him to inform him that the game he had wanted to purchase was now restocked at the store.  
  
No, it was what Chanwoo had said before he hung up. To tell the truth, maybe Bobby had been partially guilty. It was probably due to the excitement he had felt, but he had said, "Thanks, Chanwoo, you're my favorite maknae!"  
  
To which Chanwoo responded with a laugh and, "No, I'm not, we all know that your favorite maknae is that one who got scolded by our neighbor for singing out loud at 2 in the morning."  
  
Chanwoo's words had struck deep. Not because it had been true, but because it had steered his mind back to the very person he had been trying so hard not to think about.  
  
How many days had it been? No more than three, if his muddled brain counted correctly. Three days that felt like an entire month, dragging so slowly and so excruciatingly. Three days that he spent pretending he was doing great and his heart wasn't hurting like hell.  
  
If only there had been an early warning informing him just how difficult this would be.  
  
He sighed and sat up from his bed. He stood up and pulled open his curtains. It was broad daylight, or maybe a little bit after lunch hour, judging by the slant of the shadows of the buildings surrounding the apartment. As if on cue, his stomach rumbled in protest. The last time he ate was last night, a few hours before he locked himself in his room to play games.  
  
He didn't usually wake up this late. He was an early riser, no matter what time he went to sleep at night. However, these last few days--days after they got back to Korea after Japan Dome Tour was finished--he felt like he was experiencing what people would call jet-lag, although the disorientation seemed to be caused by the lack of activities rather than time difference. The only schedule he had had to attend was a music show prerecording for his solo performance the other day, and that's that.  
  
Ain't it funny. He couldn't believe he was complaining for getting some time off from work.  
  
Somewhere in the recesses of his brain he knew he just needed a distraction. Lots of it, if possible. It was better to tire himself out with tons of work until his body and mind couldn't function anymore. If he was lucky, he could get some sleep, and if he was luckier, he could sleep without dreaming of anything that had been plagueing his mind lately.  
  
But how exactly could you erase something that had always been a constant presence in your head? How could you simply let go of a feeling that had rooted so deep inside of you, it felt like it had become a part of your anatomy?  
  
His palm squeaked on the glass of his window. Han River looked beautiful under the sun, the surface glittering like stars strewn on the wrong place and the wrong time. He suddenly wished he could go to the beach. He missed the sound of the waves and the feel of the water when it touched his feet. He had always felt the calmest when he was at the beach.  
  
Another sigh left his mouth.  
  
If only he could blame Chanwoo for bringing it up, but he knew he couldn't. It's not as if Chanwoo knew what had happened.  
  
If there was anyone he could blame for his predicament--other than himself, of course--was none other than Goo Junhoe. Dumb, noisy, annoying, ignorant (gorgeous, funny, adorable, unforgettable) Goo Junhoe. His endlessly one-sided crush Goo Junhoe.  
  
That night in the hotel in Kobe was etched onto his brain like a wound from a burn, itchy and painful at the same time. All he wanted to do was to scratch and pick at it all the time, although he knew if he kept doing that he would make it bleed and scar.  
  
_"... because I'm trying really hard not to be petty."_  
  
Bobby could just laugh at himself if it didn't hurt so much. He said, that night, that he hadn't wanted to be petty, but here he was doing what he had told himself not to do. For three days he had been avoiding Junhoe, talking to everybody else except him. For three days he had been pretending like that guy didn't exist in his world, and it had been rather easy since all he had been doing was lock himself in his room and play games if he hadn't had any schedule to attend.  
  
It's basically being petty at its finest.  
  
His stomach sent him another signal that it was empty. Outside, the sun looked a little bit closer to the horizon than before.  
  
He should eat. Food usually made him feel better.

×××

  
  
Bobby yawned aloud as he exited his room. The apartment looked empty, but he recalled the other day Donghyuk telling him about going shopping with his cousin, so that's probably what that guy was doing right now. Jinhwan? Bobby had no idea. Probably watching movies in his room or hanging out at his sister's cafe.  
  
Junhoe? Bobby hoped he had left, too. It would be a nightmare if they happened to be stranded, just the two of them, in the apartment.  
  
But on his way to the kitchen, just as he entered the living room, he saw Junhoe walking from the opposite direction.  
  
Bobby froze midstep. Even his stomach stopped rumbling.  
  
Junhoe noticed him at the same time, Bobby could see his eyes widening in surprise. Appearance-wise, he was wearing a white t-shirt and black trackpants that looked like they had seen better days. His hair looked unkempt, and his face seemed a little haggard with signs of stubble under his nose.  
  
Bobby considered making a U-turn and returning to his room, but he realized it would make him even pettier. And he was actually really hungry. The kitchen was just there at his right side. If Junhoe would just stay quiet, go wherever he was going and let him be...  
  
"Bobby-hyung!"  
  
_Great_. Bobby started making a beeline toward the kitchen.  
  
"Wait, can we--can we talk?" Junhoe stuttered. "Please, Hyung..."  
  
Someone should tell Junhoe that it was illegal for him to beg, because it almost always effectively swayed people into doing or giving whatever he was asking them to. In Bobby's case, it worked twice as effective. Junhoe could ask Bobby to jump off a cliff into a raging sea, add a 'please' and a sad look, and Bobby would most likely do it.  
  
Well, probably. Maybe. Only if he knew he would be able to swim to the shore and stay alive.  
  
Bobby sighed. "Did you eat yet? I'm getting some brunch."  
  
He didn't wait for Junhoe's answer and walked to the kitchen. There had been a pack of cereals on the kitchen counter the last time he checked--the other day? Two days ago?--but now it was gone. Four packs of instant ramyeon in the cupboard. Nothing in the rice cooker. The fridge looked a little sad and empty. All it contained were a box of kimchi courtesy of Yunhyeong's mom, three eggs, and another box of very questionable left-overs that looked like pasta, but Bobby would rather not risk eating it.  
  
From the corner of his eyes he could see Junhoe standing awkwardly to the side. The sight would have been endearing in a different situation, but right now it tugged at his heart a bit too painfully.  
  
"I hope you're okay with ramyeon," Bobby said, grabbing the ramyeon packs and eggs. "It's the only thing I can cook without burning down our kitchen."  
  
"Sure, ramyeon is fine, Hyung," Junhoe replied. "Should I prepare the bowls and chopsticks?"  
  
"Yeah, cool. Get some sodas or whatever else we still have in the fridge, too. Thanks."  
  
Bobby began boiling the water in the pan. He forced himself to keep staring at it although he knew he didn't have to. It's easier to stare at water bubbling in a pan. The alternative was to turn around and risk getting an eyeful of Junhoe, doing whatever he was doing, clanking and bustling around. Yes, staring at the pan was a wiser option.  
  
_"...That's it. I'm done. I'll leave you alone from now on."_  
  
_Yeah, right, Kim Jiwon. Your perseverance is fantastic--it doesn't even last a week._  
  
The next minute Bobby could hear noises coming from the living room; Junhoe just turned on the TV. He probably couldn't handle being cooped up in the same room as Bobby, with silence so thick it felt like they were breathing in quicksand.  
  
When the noodles were half-cooked, Bobby cracked two eggs into the pan. _You should not stir once the eggs are in. That way, when you are eating, you can break the yolks into the soup and that tastes a lot better._ His dad taught him that, and that's how Bobby always cooked his ramyeon ever since.  
  
"Bobby-hyung."  
  
Bobby promptly dropped the chopsticks he was holding.  
  
"Uh, sorry," Junhoe said sheepishly. He was standing a few feet behind Bobby. "It's just that... I--I set up the table in the living room. We can eat there. If--if you don't mind, that is..."  
  
"Oh, yeah," Bobby mumbled, picking his chopsticks from the floor. Maybe this was how it felt to be having a mini heart attack. "Sure. In the living room is fine."  
  
When Bobby entered the living room carrying a pan of piping hot ramyeon, he saw that Junhoe had placed the two sets of bowls, chopsticks and drinks side by side on the low table in front of the TV. A foreign movie was on, something Bobby had not seen before. He set down the pan on the center of the table.  
  
He couldn't help feeling like he was preparing himself to face the gallows. His heart was palpitating in his ribcage, pins and needles were crawling in his limbs, and blood was rushing in his head. He sat down beside Junhoe and wondered how many inches of space between them would be considered acceptable, under this circumstance.  
  
The two of them ate in silence, at first. The room was filled with the sound of them eating, the clanking of tableware, and the voices of the actors and the sound effects from the movie playing on TV. He had no idea what movie it was, though, he wasn't even paying attention to it. His focus lied to where Junhoe was sitting and eating, right beside him.  
  
Bobby felt as if there was a wave of heat, swirling back and forth, in the space between them. It was threatening to burn him slowly, inch by inch. He swallowed his food faster, desperate to escape. Just as Bobby thought that he would soon survive this awkward brunch in one piece, he heard rustling from beside him.  
  
"Hyung," Junhoe murmured.  
  
Bobby swallowed, his last spoonful of egg tasted like jagged rock coming down his throat.  
  
"I know I said it already, but I'm really sorry," the younger said. "I never meant to hurt you."  
  
Sighing, Bobby turned his head to look at Junhoe. There was no way to postpone this conversation now, he supposed. When his eyes found Junhoe, he saw how serious he looked, actually the most serious that he had ever seen of him. It was quite an unnerving sight.  
  
"During that Vlive, we were talking about you not being there with us because you had a schedule for your solo activity," Junhoe continued. "I was instantly reminded of the moment I came to talk to you about your album. It was one of the rare moments when we got to talk, just the two of us. We did have a nice conversation that night, didn't we? And when you played 텐데 for me, I really, really liked it. That whole night was special... at least, it was for me. And I wanted to share it with the others.  
  
"The part where I, uh, told everyone what you said to me. I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have done that. It was thoughtless of me. I honestly didn't know that it would hurt you. I'm sorry, Hyung. Please forgive me," ended Junhoe.  
  
Bobby's anger--which had been burning hot like newly lit bonfire--died down almost instantly the second Junhoe mentioned he had liked it when Bobby played 텐데 for him. It cooled down even further when Junhoe said he thought that night was special. And when Junhoe apologized, Bobby couldn't even tell if there was any trace of anger left in him.  
  
So, in the end, what exactly was the point of him giving a long, angry speech in front of Junhoe in Kobe? Basically, none.  
  
"Junhoe-ya," Bobby began, but had no idea how to continue.  
  
An actress in the movie on TV, just in time, shouted, "Stop running away, you coward!" Rather than feeling motivated, Bobby felt like he wanted to smash the damn TV to pieces instead.  
  
"Listen," Bobby tried again. "I was maybe a bit too harsh on you. I should have thought twice before letting all my pent up emotion come over me like that. You couldn't have known how I felt. I mean, I didn't specifically tell you not to tell anyone. So... yeah."  
  
Sounds from the TV filled the room as soon as Bobby ran out of words to say and silence settled between them again. Bobby helplessly watched Junhoe toying with his spoon, stirring the soup that was left in his bowl. He also seemed to be struggling to find something to say.  
  
It's sad, Bobby thought, that conversation was never easy for them. That 'awkward' had become the word that described their relationship.  
  
Another minute passed before Bobby decided it was okay if he left the scene. He grabbed his bowl, chopsticks and spoon, and was about to stand up when the sleeve of his tshirt was tugged.  
  
"Bobby-hyung," Junhoe said, still clutching his sleeve. "So is it true--is it true that you actually love me...?"  
  
All Bobby could register, at first, was the burning sensation of Junhoe's hand being so close to his skin. A few seconds later, his brain finally processed what Junhoe asked him.  
  
"Uh," Bobby mumbled stupidly. "Yes. Well. Isn't it obvious? I've only told you like a million times."  
  
Junhoe's cheeks turned slightly rosy, but it could only be Bobby's eyesight going bad. Or the beam of light coming from the TV, reflected on Junhoe's face. The hand on his sleeve had slipped away, but the heat remained, radiating through his pores deep into his bones.  
  
"Uh, thank you, Hyung. I'm sorry, I don't know what to say."  
  
"It's fine. I understand."  
  
"It's just that--you know, I've never..." Junhoe stuttered. "I mean, this is the first time a man said something like that to me. Not--not that I mind, really. I'm not against it or anything."  
  
"Oh," Bobby said, his cheeks burning and there was a constant ringing in his ears. "Oh, okay, cool."  
  
"And--and to be honest, I thought you were just saying it as, um, obligation or some kind. Like, in front of the camera or fans. And only because we're group mates. I'm sorry I got it wrong."  
  
"It's okay."  
  
"I really don't know if you need me to reply or whatever. From what I know, people usually answer yes or no. Yes, I love you too, or no, I don't. Isn't it how it goes?" Junhoe said. "Um, do you want me to? Answer, I mean."  
  
Bobby's cheeks burned hotter. He shook his head. "No, not if you don't want to," he said. "I guess I told you how I felt just for the sake of letting it out of my chest. I didn't say it to look for a response or anything, really."  
  
"Okay," Junhoe nodded. "Thank you, I suppose. Thank you for--for loving me."  
  
For an instant Bobby wanted to reply 'No problem', but then he realized that it would be a big, fat lie. Having a crush, or worse, being in love with someone like Goo Junhoe was the exact definition of problem. His life had been a lot more easier to live when he hadn't started having this infatuation toward Junhoe.  
  
When silence took over again, Bobby averted his eyes to the movie still playing on TV. The two protagonists seemed to be in an argument. They were standing face to face, the guy looked upset and the girl had tear stains on her cheeks. The actor said, "This is not a love story," to which the actress replied a bit tearfully, "I don't want it to be a love story. All the love stories I read always end tragically, either the guy leaves or the girl dies. I don't want that." And then, with a rather cliche romantic scene zoom-in, the two of them clutched on each other and kissed.  
  
_What movie is this?!_ Bobby seriously wanted to turn the TV off, but he didn't even know where the remote was.  
  
But even as he complained in his head, he couldn't take his eyes away from the screen. Arguably, the kissing scene was beautifully taken. The actor and the actress were standing in front of an open window, the curtains billowing gently in the wind. In the background was a scenery of night lights blurred into bokeh, dragging the focus solely toward the pair of people kissing.  
  
The camera zoomed in even further to their faces, showing the movements of the pair's lips, pressing and tugging, with a hint of tongues sliding and rubbing.  
  
It was kind of hot. Inappropriate, too, considering the current situation Bobby was in and the person sitting beside him.  
  
Bobby felt sweat trickling down his back, although it was November and the temperature outside was very likely cold. He ought to get up, do the dishes, throw the TV out of the window, anything at all to escape this weird atmosphere. In the mean time, the kissing scene continued and escalated. The actor was now pressing the actress back against a wall beside the window, hands were everywhere, on top and under, touching and grabbing.  
  
_Woah. Don't they need to breathe._  
  
"Bobby-hyung."  
  
Junhoe's voice, although soft, still shook Bobby to the core. Bobby turned. It was inevitable, an after-effect of the scene that he had just watched, but his eyes immediately fell onto Junhoe's lips. Those wonderfully full, pink lips. Lips that had haunted Bobby's dreams one too many times.  
  
_Shit shit shit shit shit._  
  
"Is--is it weird if..." Junhoe started, voice lowered to almost a whisper that sent shivers down Bobby's spine. "I know I said I didn't know what to say, and I really don't. I don't even understand my own feelings. But--I just really--if I asked you to..."  
  
"Kiss you?" Bobby finished, already breathless. "Oh, fuck yes."  
  
Bobby surged forward just as Junhoe did the same, and they met in the middle. Their lips melded together and moved, slightly unsynchronized at first but very soon Bobby learned to follow the flow. Junhoe's lips felt just as soft as he had always imagined, if not even softer. And they moved, _oh God_ , so, so wonderfully.  
  
It was dizzying, if Bobby had to explain how it felt. The first contact was electrifying, and that sensation traveled from his lips to the tips of every finger on his hands and feet. And then from there it was a roller coaster ride, the kind that threw you around like a ragdoll and left you drained, but absolutely exhilarated.  
  
And then he tilted his head to the side, chasing that _something_ from Junhoe that he wanted--no, needed to taste. He opened his mouth just slightly and when their tongues met, he felt so high he thought he could touch the heavens.  
  
He was dying, and he didn't even mind.  
  
Junhoe pulled away just an inch to whisper, "Bobby..." in a hoarse voice, and Bobby could just kiss him again until he could taste nothing else but _Junhoe, Junhoe, Junhoe_.  
  
But then again, he couldn't. Because the front door of their apartment opened, signaled by the three-tones bell, followed the sound of Donghyuk's voice humming a song.  
  
Junhoe pulled away just as Bobby jumped back, and whatever mood had enveloped them before now completely vanished.  
  
"I--I'll, uh, I'll go wash the dishes," Junhoe stuttered, gathering all the tableware on the table in a hurry. He kept his eyes firmly downward, either on the floor or his feet, until he vanished into the kitchen.  
  
When Donghyuk entered the living room a minute later, still singing cluelessly, Bobby was on the verge of a mental breakdown. He had a feeling that he had just catastrophically ruined something, some vague thing that existed between him and Junhoe, and he had no idea how to fix it.  
  
At this point, Bobby feared it had gone beyond fixing.

 

**× TO BE CONTINUED ×**


	3. 03

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- This chapter is in Junhoe's POV  
> \- EEEYYY TENSION, MUCH TENSION  
> \- Tigerbin makes an appearance!

**3**

**Junhoe**

 

"Ouch!"

Junhoe rubbed his shoulder while wincing in pain. The third injury of the day, and this time he bumped against the door handle of the studio (the first had been tripping on his own clothes on the floor of his room, and the second, sloshing hot coffee on his pants). Was he going to survive today? Probably not. Probably another accident was going to happen. Probably he would totally ruin today's recording session, and Hanbin would chop his head off and eat his liver for dinner.

And maybe that was for the better. At least if he died he wouldn't have to deal with his problems anymore.

He sighed. He ought to get it over with as soon as possible, and the only way to do it was to go right ahead. Maybe, if he was lucky, he could focus his attention long enough to finish his turn today. Maybe. He rarely got lucky, though.

The next minute, he found himself entering the studio. He could see Hanbin sitting on his throne--the chair right in front of the large computer with the recording program up and running. It was hard to assess the leader's current mood with one glance, but guessing from how cheerful Yunhyeong--whose turn was right before Junhoe's--seemed to be, it must not have gone too badly. Sitting next to Hanbin was one of the company's producers and his face looked pretty calm, too. Junhoe took that as a good sign.

But then he caught sight of the last person who happened to also be in the studio, and his heart promptly stopped. _Bobby-hyung_. The guy was sitting on the long, black sofa on one side of the room. His face was partially covered by the black-and-red snapback he was wearing. He was scribbling on a piece of paper, most likely rap verses, and looked so immersed in it he didn't seem to notice Junhoe standing there.

"Junhoe," Hanbin called out, grabbing Junhoe's attention. "I want you to do the first two lines of the chorus, and then try doing the second verse. We'll compare how it goes with the one Yunhyeong-hyung did."

"Okay," Junhoe walked straight toward the recording room. It was all he could do not to let his eyes wander toward a certain rapper.

Junhoe took a long, deep breath as he faced the microphone and put the headphones on.

They were recording for the new album that was scheduled to be released early next year--which, if he gave it a thought, would be very soon, as in two months again soon. They didn't have much time, but thankfully Hanbin had finished composing the entire quota of songs for the album. All that was left to do was record the vocals and make some finishing adjustments.

But it was at these crucial moments that Hanbin was at his worst. Normally, Hanbin yelled a lot. No matter who was in the recording booth, if you made a mistake, you would better prepare to get your ears yelled at until they were ringing for days. But when a deadline was fast approaching, he became quiet. Silent. If you made a mistake, he would just stare at you through the glass window, and it would effectively make you feel horrible.

The members compared Hanbin's yelling to a lion's roar, loud and a lot of times threatening, but it rarely hurt their feelings. On the other hand, Hanbin's silence was scary, absolutely frightening, very much comparable to the quiet before the storm. Sometimes it would be followed with a sinister comment that would hurt you deep inside and the pain would last for months.

Junhoe had often been the receiving end of Hanbin's yelling, some days until the leader grew tired of yelling at him and let him do whatever he wanted. But he had tried his hardest not to ever cross the boundary and risk experiencing the 'silence'.

He hoped it wouldn't happen today, either.

"Okay, Junhoe, stand by," Hanbin's voice was heard through his headphones. The music started playing.

He glanced through the glass window and looked at Hanbin, whose face glowed with the light coming from the monitor in front of him. Yunhyeong was standing a little bit behind him, staring expectantly. And then, before Junhoe could stop himself, his eyes strayed toward the guy sitting behind Hanbin. Although partially shaded by the snapback he was wearing, Junhoe could see Bobby's eyes staring straight at him.

At the same time, Hanbin gave his cue, and Junhoe completely missed the beat.

"Focus, Junhoe-ya," Hanbin scolded him. "One more time."

The music started over. Junhoe looked at the lyrics sheet in front of him and struggled to focus. When the cue came, he managed to follow the beat. He finished the chorus quite well, but when the verse came in he was completely lost.

"One more time," Hanbin's voice sounded a little bit strained.

Junhoe took a shaky breath. The music repeated through his headphones. He waited for the cue, and when it came he started singing. It seemed to be going smoothly, but just when he reached the high notes, his voice cracked.

"Again," Hanbin said. His voice had risen a notch, a sign that soon enough he would start yelling.

And again Junhoe sang. It went okay, he thought, all the way to the last part he was asked to sing. He looked at Hanbin for confirmation.

"You're not even feeling it," the leader said. "Read the lyrics, Junhoe, get the feeling. You can't just sing it like you have no emotion like that. Again."

This wasn't going very well. Junhoe felt like his head was all over the place. He knew he was not singing optimally, not giving it his 120% like usual, but he couldn't seem to pull it out of him.

His next try went a little bit better, but still did not satisfy Hanbin's demand. The next one, he botched the chorus part. The next, no such luck either. Junhoe kept hearing the word 'again' after every attempt. Hanbin had gone from mildly upset to, finally, loudly angry. After Junhoe's last attempt, in which he tried to do an adlib but messed it up, Hanbin finally yelled.

"Stop! I didn't ask you to do that! This is just a second chorus, not the ending. What is wrong with you today?!"

Junhoe knew exactly what was wrong with him and it had bothered him not just today, but for days on end. It filled every space in his mind, leaving no room to focus on anything else. It was there every time he closed his eyes. It began haunting him since that day, that _incident_.

And it definitely was not something he could tell Hanbin or anyone else.

"Do it again," Hanbin said. "No funny stuff this time."

So Junhoe prepared himself to try again, but just before his part started, he made the mistake of looking through the window, not at Hanbin, but at the person who was now standing behind the leader. Bobby had taken off his snapback and was now standing with his arms folded over his chest, his eyes gazing intensely at him.

Junhoe averted his eyes belatedly, feeling a shiver run up his spine. He failed to start singing in time.

The music stopped playing. Silence ensued. Junhoe didn't want to look, knowing Hanbin must be glaring at him unhappily, but he turned to look through the glass anyway. It was worse than he thought. The exterior of Hanbin's face seemed calm, but even through the glass Junhoe could feel anger radiating toward him. Not the hot, explosive kind of anger that he was used to, but a cold, unadulterated anger that he didn't know how to deal with.

A few excruciatingly slow and silent seconds passed by that Junhoe had to endure, right under Hanbin's glare. _So this is the 'silence'_. This was the first time he experienced it, and even if Hanbin wasn't saying a word, it still effectively made him feel absolutely incompetent.

"Sorry, Hyung," Junhoe apologized, hoping that it could appease the leader. "Let--let me do it again."

Hanbin glared at him for a few more seconds before he said stonily, "Come out. Take a fifteen minutes break. We're not going anywhere if you can't even focus."

The leader's ice-cold reproach, the sympathetic look that Yunhyeong sent him, and worst of all, Bobby's unreadable glare toward him, everything made Junhoe feel horribly bad, so bad it made his limbs numb. He had no idea how or when he took off the headphones, or how he managed to move his legs and walk away from the recording booth and the studio, all the way to the hallway outside. The next thing he knew he was half running toward the bathroom.

The hallway was thankfully empty, which was a miracle. Most days there were always staff or trainees going around these hallways. _What small luck_. Junhoe entered the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

He stopped by the sink and turned on the faucet, splashing water on his face. Half-heartedly, he looked up to find his own reflection staring back at him on the mirror.

_Well, don't I look stunning_.

Junhoe could just laugh at his own sarcasm, how it still worked so well even in a situation like this. But really, he looked awful. He was wearing the black t-shirt he had worn yesterday and the black jeans that probably had not been washed since two months ago, he couldn't even remember. He should have shaved before he left the apartment, and his hair hadn't been brushed ever since he woke up this morning.

He sighed. He was a mess. His appearance was a mess, his mind was a mess, and the messiest of all was his heart.

"Damn it," Junhoe sighed, averting his gaze from the mirror toward the ceiling.

It had been days--three? Four? How did he lose count?--and nothing had cleared up. Not his feelings, not his confusion. If anything, he was more confused than ever. There seemed to be a huge, swirling, tangled chaos inside of him that filled his entire body, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. It took over every single part of him that allowed him to function properly, causing him to feel disoriented, non-stop. It was like a constant fever, one that clogged his brain and made his limbs shaky.

If only it was just a fever, at least he could easily take some meds, get some rest, and the next day he would be as good as new. But he knew this wasn't something any medicine could drive off. Unless it was sedatives. An entire bottle of them, maybe.

But no, Junhoe wasn't suicidal. He was just confused as hell.

And the cause was none other but one Kim Jiwon a.k.a Bobby.

The three(?) days Junhoe spent trying to sort the questions in his head only ended with him swarmed with even more questions. _Do I like him the way he likes me? Do I know what I'm dealing with here? Do I want to deal with it? Did I like it when Bobby-hyung kissed me?--well, yes, I kind of did, but, do I want him to kiss me again? Or, more importantly, why am I asking myself if I want him to kiss me again?_

His head was starting to hurt and he hadn't even approached the end of these questions.

All of this was because of that _kiss_. A kiss that wasn't planned but happened anyway--in fact, he would have thought himself crazy if he had known he was going to ask Bobby to kiss him. A kiss that had played over and over again, like a broken movie projector, in his dreams and every single time he closed his eyes. A kiss that had electrified the remaining functional cells in his brain and left him a walking mess.

Junhoe took a deep breath. It was probably approaching his fifteen minutes limit. He couldn't risk making Hanbin even angrier than he already was.

He took his first step toward the bathroom door, but stopped dead in his tracks when the door opened. And revealed the very person he had been dreading to see.

Bobby walked into the bathroom, eyes straight at Junhoe. All that Junhoe could think of, rather than how to move his legs and exit the bathroom like he had intended to, was how good Bobby looked, unlike himself. The rapper must have remembered to brush his hair this morning. His dark blue hoodie looked like it was fresh from the laundry, and his face was clean-shaven.

With a pang somewhere inside his chest, Junhoe suspected that Bobby must not have been through the same predicament like he had.

"Thought I'd find you here," the rapper said, stopping a few feet away, _too close yet too far away_ , from Junhoe. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Junhoe answered. His voice came out embarrassingly squeaky. "Is--is Hanbin-hyung looking for me?"

Bobby shook his head. His now-black hair swung on his forehead. It looked so soft.

"No, not yet," he said. "He's not in the studio. I think Yunhyeong dragged him against his will to the cafeteria."

Junhoe nodded, grateful. He ought to thank Yunhyeong later for the distraction. Maybe buy him something a little fancy to eat.

"I messed up a lot today," he sighed. _I messed up a lot the other day, too, when I asked you to kiss me, which was quite assuredly the root of all mess-ups I did today._

"That's why I asked if you were okay. Are you really okay, Junhoe?" Bobby took one more step toward him. "You probably caught a cold and you didn't realize it."

"I--" Junhoe was about to say, 'I don't think I caught a cold, but it does feel like a fever anyway,' but before he could speak any further, there was a hand on his forehead. Bobby's. And _oh God_ it felt so nice and cool on his skin. He couldn't contain the shaky sigh that escaped his lips.

"Your temperature seems normal. What is it then, Junhoe-ya?" Bobby said, his hand leaving Junhoe's forehead, much to the younger's disappointment. One beat later, he added, "Is it me?"

Junhoe involuntarily caught sight of Bobby's eyes. That unnamed chaos began swirling around crazily inside of him. 

"You've been avoiding me for days, so I guess that answers my question," Bobby continued. "Was it because of that kiss...?"

At the mention of the kiss and the memories it instantly aroused in his head, Junhoe's heart skipped a beat, and then started beating twice faster than usual. He wondered if he would soon get a heart attack. _Which will be hilarious. Or horrible. Either way._

"I'm sorry. Maybe--maybe I shouldn't have..." Bobby said. It was hard not to notice the doubt and the hint of sadness in those eyes, as Junhoe was staring straight at them. "I crossed some boundaries, and I've probably ruined whatever's good that's left between us. I'm so sorry."

_No, wait, stop._

"It's not going to happen again. I mean, it's--it's not as if you would want to, right? I'm going to just stay out of your way, since that's what I said I was going to do. And about the, uh, the kiss, I know I can't simply tell you to forget it, but if you want to... I mean, if it makes you feel better, we can just pretend it never happened."

_No no no no, please don't say that._

"I like you, Junhoe-ya, but before that, before I ever knew I liked you, you were my friend and my group mate. Someone I struggled with from the beginning. I don't want to lose that. So, um, yeah, I guess I'll be content as long as you still think of me as a friend."

Bobby shrugged as if what he was saying was something trivial, but the sad smile on his lips gave away the truth. "Now come on, we should go back--"

Junhoe didn't know when or how or _why_ , but he felt the sudden urge to stop Bobby from continuing. Was it because he didn't like what Bobby suggested? Or was it because he didn't want to go back to the studio just yet? He didn't know. None of this made sense to him. All he knew was his head was filled with _please stop it, please don't talk, please--_

No, nothing made sense, not really. But the next thing he realized he was grabbing onto Bobby's arms, and he was pushing him back against the sink, and his lips were pressing hard against the other's. He heard the muffled "ugh" that he couldn't tell coming from him or Bobby, but he couldn't be bothered to find out. The feel of _this, oh yes this_ , surged like a massive wave that temporarily made him forget what he had been so confused about.

A small sliver of fear flickered in his brain. What was he doing? After all the predicament he had gone through these couple of days, he was back at this again? What if he had gone too far? What if this would only make him more confused? But the fear slithered away into the corner when he felt Bobby's lips responding, kissing him hungrily, and hands gripping his hips tightly--almost possessively, pulling him forward, deeper into the other's personal space.

Junhoe thought his heart was so close to exploding, beating as fast as it was inside his ribcage, when the kiss went deeper. He could taste coffee from Bobby's tongue, so warm and so sweet. It was all he could do to keep sucking, keep licking, deeper and deeper.

It wasn't until he felt a hand on his chest pushing him back that Junhoe felt the fear crawling quickly into the forefront again. Their mouths parted. _Oh no, I've definitely screwed up now..._

"Junhoe, Junhoe," Bobby breathed. "My back hurts. The sink--ow. Wait--let's just--here..."

Then, with the same hand on his chest, Bobby pushed him gently backward until his back touched the cool tile wall beside the sink. With the same gentleness, Bobby moved the hand on his chest toward his jaw, and held on there. Junhoe could feel Bobby's thumb rubbing his cheek, making him shiver. But the most intense of all, the reason every single cell in him was trembling, was the fire he found in Bobby's eyes. It was so hot it seemed to be consuming him alive.

Bobby approached with seemingly deliberate slowness, probably a hundred times more graceful than Junhoe's sudden attack earlier. He was probably worried that Junhoe was going to runaway if he moved too fast. But to be honest, it had crossed Junhoe's mind. When his fear had taken hold of him, there had been a moment when he thought of fleeing. But then there had been hands on him, holding him tight, and they had made him feel so safe, so _alright_ , that the need to escape had mysteriously vanished.

And Junhoe couldn't think of why he had wanted to runaway in the first place, not when Bobby pressed his lips against his and murmured breathily, "Goo Junhoe, you're driving me insane."

Junhoe would love to reply, 'I am not feeling very sane either, Hyung,' but his mouth and tongue were soon very much preoccupied. Because what else could this be but insanity? How he was kissing Bobby like there was no tomorrow. Or how his hands were clutching onto the rapper's back and pulling him in to lessen the almost non-existing distance between them. Or how his entire body felt like it was being engulfed in a hot fire, but all he wanted was to burn even hotter.

When the need to breathe became too unbearable, Junhoe pulled back, heaving for air. The back of his head hit the tile wall behind him with a dull thunk. He couldn't even tell if it hurt or not, because there were lips on his neck, making a hot, blazing trail from the clavicle upward to his jaw.

And Junhoe whimpered. He might have even moaned a little, he wasn't sure. With his current state of mind it was a little hard to keep his reactions in check. The need for _more, more, please more_ was bubbling up from deep within him, but before he could say it out loud, he heard his name being called from outside.

Junhoe only had time to push Bobby away before he saw the bathroom door being opened from the outside. A second later, Yunhyeong peeked in.

Yunhyeong was saying a thing or two, probably 'Where have you been?' or 'Hanbin is waiting for you,' but all Junhoe could process in his brain was Bobby's voice calling him.

"Junhoe-ya! Junhoe!"

It faded into the background because Junhoe was already running. He bumped into Yunhyeong in the doorway but he kept on running. His heart was a total mess, an even bigger mess than before, and all he could do was keep running.

 

**× TO BE CONTINUED ×**


	4. 04 - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Sorry for the wait! You know those weeks when work is just horrible and it doesn't leave you time to do anything else? Yep.  
> \- This chapter has 2 parts in 2 POVs that happen parallelly (at the same time). Part 1 is Bobby's POV and Part 2 is Junhoe's.  
> \- A bit of Bobdong and a bit of Junhwan and a bit of DRAMAAAAA

**4 - Part 1  
**

**Bobby**

 

It was Friday night, six fifteen p.m., and Bobby found himself at the gukbap restaurant he frequented. He was perched on his usual seat with Donghyuk sitting in front of him. They were waiting for their food to be served, and Donghyuk was in the middle of talking about something that Bobby was only half listening to.  
  
To be fair, he had been half doing everything that he was meant to do today, including finishing the lyrics for the last couple of songs that were supposed to be included in their upcoming album. But despite giving Hanbin his word that he would send them by the end of the day, he hadn't finished writing them. So, rather than sending Hanbin the completed lyrics, he had sent him an apology instead.  
  
Bobby wasn't feeling very proud of himself today. It wasn't like him to be doing his job half-heartedly. If his pre-debut self could have seen his current self, he would have given him a good kick in the groin for being so lousy. But then he probably would have kicked his pre-debut self back for not knowing what it was like to be in his present position.  
  
It was frustrating, to say the least. Never before had he allowed his personal problems to get in the way of his work. But try as he may, he couldn't get rid of the distraction in his head. Of course, it might have been easier to forget about said distraction if he hadn't made out with it--or rather, _him_ \--in the bathroom the other day.  
  
_Oh God._  
  
A shiver ran up his spine at the thought of what happened the other day. It felt like a shock of electricity, one that ran through his veins and left an burning and itchy trail everywhere on his body. It also made him feel reasonably restless and, more importantly, confused as hell.  
  
It had only been one day--one day plus three hours and thirty minutes now, to be exact. Bobby had not intended to be counting the hours (and minutes) that had passed since that afternoon in the studio, but being left alone without a single word, not even a text message, had made him feel like time dragged on so slowly and so painfully. It was as if the earth was deliberately spinning a lot slower just to let him know he had done a big mistake.  
  
But honestly, had he finally gone too far, this time? He would like to argue that it wasn't entirely his fault. He had not come into the bathroom to find Junhoe the other day with the intention to make a move on him. In fact, before he came face to face with Junhoe in the bathroom, he had been fully convinced that Junhoe did not and probably would never feel any sort of attraction toward him. What else was he supposed to think when Junhoe kept avoiding him after their first kiss?  
  
No, he had walked into the bathroom the other day expecting a heartbreak. A finality. A guillotine above his neck with Junhoe's hands holding the rope. That's why, when Junhoe had grabbed him and kissed him instead, he had very nearly died of a heart attack.  
  
Yes, he was sure his mind had not been playing tricks on him. It was Junhoe who had made the first move and kissed him. A kiss so thorough and so wonderful his legs still quivered just by recalling the memory of it.  
  
_So what exactly does this mean, Goo Junhoe? You keep approaching me with touches and kisses but you always runaway right after. Do you like me the way I like you, or you don't? Or do you just enjoy torturing me using the cruelest ways possible?_  
  
"Bobby-hyung!"  
  
Surprised, Bobby nearly fell off his chair. "W--what...?"  
  
Across the table, Donghyuk was giving him the questioning look, complete with the inquisitive, squinting eyes and the pursed lips. And after a few agonizing seconds in which Bobby struggled not to look awkward while keeping eye contact, the younger finally looked away.  
  
"Whatever is bothering you must have been bad," Donghyuk muttered. "Really bad."  
  
_Yes, really bad, unfathomably bad._ As he ate his food, spoonful by spoonful, Bobby wondered quietly what Donghyuk would say if he told him what was going on inside his head. And then he wondered whether he could tell Donghyuk anything at all.  
  
But really, why not? Donghyuk already knew a whole lot about him. Among the members, he considered Donghyuk to be the closest, someone he actually trusted with a lot of his secrets. He probably even knew a bit about Bobby's long kept feelings for Junhoe, although Bobby had never specifically told him word for word. Maybe, Bobby thought, he could even find some peace of mind by talking about it to Donghyuk.  
  
Before he could finish contemplating, though, Donghyuk popped his million dollar question.  
  
"I assume your lunch with Junhoe went badly?"  
  
Bobby choked on the food he had been chewing and immediately thought he was going to die. After a few chaotic minutes of him coughing his lungs out and Donghyuk screaming and giving him a really awful attempt of Heimlich maneuver, he finally managed to breathe again.  
  
"Oh God, sorry, Hyung," Donghyuk sat back down on his chair, his face a lighter shade of grey. "I didn't know I was going to surprise you that much."  
  
Bobby would love to respond with something like, 'Thanks for trying to kill me,' but he refrained and opted to drink a glass of water instead.  
  
Oddly, though, he realized that he felt a little calmer after that minor incident. Maybe this was a coping mechanism, or maybe his heart was experiencing a post-traumatic period of rest, he didn't know. All he knew was that now he didn't mind too much telling Donghyuk what had happened.  
  
"So," Bobby started. "How did you know about the, uh, lunch? Well, it was brunch, actually, but, yeah."  
  
"Oh," Donghyuk looked surprised that Bobby had decided to finally breach the subject, but he didn't hesitate to take the bait. "You did eat together, then? I saw you guys when I came home that afternoon. Well, to be exact, I saw Junhoe fleeing into the kitchen, and then I saw you mourning your life in front of the TV after he left. I figured something must have happened."  
  
Bobby sighed. Did he really look as pathetic that day as Donghyuk had just described?  
  
"Something happened, alright," he said. His appetite gone, he pushed his bowl toward the center of the table.  
  
And then Bobby began talking, telling Donghyuk everything that had happened for the past few days, starting from that night at the hotel in Kobe. Despite being doubtful at the beginning, once the words left his mouth, he couldn't stop. It was as if there had been a dam that had been blocking his frustration from leaking out of him. Now, that dam was broken, and everything was pouring out freely.  
  
When finally Bobby finished telling Donghyuk what had happened in the bathroom the other day, they were already walking home to their apartment. Bobby thought he ought to give Donghyuk some credit for not reacting or commenting too much while he was speaking. It would be a hassle, not to mention embarrassing, to have to explain this thing he was talking about more than once.  
  
The night was cold, but not unpleasantly so. Bobby enjoyed the darkness, the breeze that tickled his face, the occasional rustling of stores closing up. It actually felt nice to be walking outside like this. Not too long, they arrived at the park that surrounded the front perimeter of their apartment complex.  
  
After a few minutes of thoughtful silence, Donghyuk finally made a sound. "Wow, I mean... wow," he mumbled breathily. "I never really thought... After all this time I--no, all of us have been teasing you about Junhoe, turns out that you really..." he paused and turned to look at Bobby. "I had no idea the situation was _this_ serious, Hyung."  
  
Bobby shrugged. He hadn't really been subtle about his crush on Junhoe, so he knew the other members were somewhat aware of it (with the exception Junhoe himself, who seemed to have been living in another universe before Bobby vomited his feelings straight to his face). None of them seemed to be averse to it, which he was grateful for. Donghyuk and Chanwoo would even tease him about it every once in a while.  
  
For them it all seemed like a good joke, a harmless source of fun. But for Bobby, it was anything but harmless. The feeling he had for Junhoe had morphed from a fun little crush into something that was definitely not fun and probably could not be called a 'little crush' anymore.  
  
"Damn it, Hyung," Donghyuk sighed, cutting off Bobby's train of thought.  
  
"What?" Bobby turned to catch the younger looking at him weirdly.  
  
"No, it's just..." Donghyuk shook his head quickly. "Oh God, now I can't get rid of the image of you and Junhoe kissing out of my head!"  
  
"What the hell, Kim Donghyuk! Why are you imagining me and Junhoe--"  
  
The otherwise silent park was then disrupted by Donghyuk's voice, which alternated between a repeating "Ow ow ow!" and endless giggles. Once Bobby finally stopped punching Donghyuk and Donghyuk could regain his normal breathing, they found themselves arriving at the entrance door of the apartment. They were stepping up the stairs into the lobby when Donghyuk slung his arm over Bobby's shoulder.  
  
"You've got it hard, Hyung," he said. "I'm not sure I'm in the position to say anything, but I really think you've got it hard. I mean, Junhoe is not the most emotionally advanced person I've ever known on the planet."  
  
"You can say that again," Bobby sighed.  
  
"It's like... he doesn't know how to react to other people's feelings toward him," Donghyuk continued. "In your case it's even more complicated because, in my opinion, he was used to see you as a fellow member, the cool older person in the group. Someone that he looked up to and respected. Someone he considered as a good friend. And then you developed your crush on him and told him about it a couple of times--"  
  
"I actually told him more than a couple of times."  
  
"--and he was maybe, I don't know, overwhelmed? I'm pretty sure you're the first guy to ever confess to him, too. It's probably a little too much for him to process."  
  
"Would it have been different if I had been a girl?" A scary notion, and even more horrifying to imagine himself as a girl, but Bobby was just curious.  
  
"I don't know. Junhoe rarely talks to me about his past relationships, but from what he did tell me he seemed just as clueless," Donghyuk shrugged. He let go of Bobby's shoulder to press the elevator button. "I mean, he just never knew what to do or say. Sometimes he would ask me, 'What am I supposed to do when my girlfriend is sad?', or 'What kind of topics should I talk about so that I don't bore her?' He was constantly worried about those kinds of things."  
  
"I hope he didn't talk about Bruce Lee or Jiujitsu every time he took her on a date."  
  
Donghyuk laughed out loud. "That might have actually happened. Poor girl. If I was in her shoes I would never last a day."  
  
Their conversation was momentarily cut off by the sound of the elevator door opening. The two of them entered. Donghyuk pressed the number of their floor on the panel.  
  
As the elevator rose up taking them to their floor, Bobby finally voiced out his main concern.  
  
"Am I ruining things by telling him how I feel?" he asked. "I feel like I am. And if things go bad or even worse, the two of us might never go back to how we used to be."  
  
"Is there any way to go back to how you used to be when you've already smooched him senseless in the bathroom? No, I don't think so," Donghyuk said. "It's just that Junhoe probably needs time. Time and probably some kind of a miracle, I don't know, something climactic to push him to sort out whatever is in his head."  
  
Bobby pushed his friend's shoulder. "For the record, _he_ was the one who _smooched_ me without prior warning," he argued. "I just, you know, reacted accordingly."  
  
Donghyuk laughed out loud, and he was still breathless when Bobby pushed him out of the elevator once they arrived at their floor.  
  
"You know, to be honest, I enjoyed watching you and Junhoe treat each other super awkwardly, which was why I teased you guys a lot," the younger spoke again once he regained his breathing. "I thought you guys were cute. But I feel kind of sorry now knowing how hard it has been for you."  
  
Bobby sighed, looking ahead at the door of their apartment at the end of the hallway. "I didn't really mind the teasing," he said. "But I do mind this push-and-pull game. It's driving me insane. Why can't he just tell me what he wants? It will make things a lot simpler for both of us."  
  
"That's the problem, though, Hyung," Donghyuk replied. "I don't think he knows how he himself feels. He is probably confused as hell at the moment, and yes, before you say anything to contradict me, I do agree that _he_ is the one making things more complicated for himself."  
  
Bobby opened the door to their apartment and entered, followed by Donghyuk. Before he could stop himself, he began to wonder if Junhoe was home at the moment. And then his mind did a once over and thought that it didn't matter anyway whether Junhoe was home or not, not when he still didn't want to see or talk to Bobby.  
  
In the dark living room, he felt a friendly pat on his back. And then he felt Donghyuk hugging him sideways.  
  
"Get some rest, Hyung," the younger said. "Or play some rounds of games, I don't know. Whatever takes your mind off this problem for a while. Stop moping around over your starstruck love for Junhoe."  
  
Bobby elbowed Donghyuk on the stomach and was mildly appeased by the sound of pain the other made. But what Donghyuk suggested, paying games, sounded like a really good idea right now. He could do that until he got sick of shooting people and then maybe, just maybe, he would become too tired and could finally fall asleep without a hassle. But then he chanced to turn his sight toward Jinhwan's room, and something he had forgotten popped right back up in his mind.  
  
"Oh, right, Jinhwan borrowed my gamepad," he groaned. "It's been two days already. I need to get it before he pretends he forgets and claims it for the rest of his life."  
  
Donghyuk gave him another pat before he said goodnight and headed to his room. With a heavy sigh, Bobby turned the other way and took lazy steps toward Jinhwan's room.

 

×××


	5. 04 - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- The header says Chapter 5 but it's really Chapter 4 - Part 2, I hope it's not too confusing :

**4 - Part 2**

**Junhoe**

 

It was Friday night, six fourty p.m., and Junhoe was pouring his second glass of whiskey, sitting crosslegged on the floor in Jinhwan's room. He downed the entire glassful of alcohol in one go, and didn't hesitate to pour the next shot and drank that one too. He knew, he could see at the edge of his sight that Jinhwan was staring at him with a cringe on his face.

"You know, if you meant to finish all of these--" the mathyung spoke while gesturing toward the four bottles of whiskey Junhoe had brought, "--by yourself, why did you even bring them to my room and asked me if I wanted to drink with you?"

Junhoe set down his glass reluctantly. "Sorry, Hyung," he mumbled. "I just feel like I need a few shots in me before I talk."

Jinhwan frowned. "You sound so serious it's starting to scare me. Pour me some of that, and then start talking."

So Junhoe poured Jinhwan a glass of the liquor and handed it to him. He himself took two gulps straight from the bottle, before putting it down and pushed it away from himself. He knew he ought to stop now before he got too drunk too soon. This was one conversation he would rather have as sober as he could manage.

He took one deep breath, and then another, staring at the carpet underneath his feet wishing for some kind of invisible strength to emerge from there. All the practice he had done last night, talking to himself before going to bed, didn't seem to do any good. There was no point in postponing, though, he really did need to talk to someone about this, otherwise his head was going to explode.

Driven by his desperation and maybe those drops of alcohol burning in his stomach, he then began talking. "Okay. You remember our most recent concert in Kobe, right."

It might have been a rough start, but once he started talking, it gradually became easier. He spoke of what had happened in Kobe that night, beginning from the unpleasant encounter in front of the bathroom backstage that had left him confused. Followed with the incident at the hotel, how his confusion had turned into shock when he found out the reason why Bobby had been angry at him.

("Well, he did have a point," Jinhwan commented. "You were as blind as a mole for not being able to see how consistent Bobby was with his crush on you.")

And then he quickly continued talking about what had happened in the apartment. How he had apologized to Bobby, and then the ramyeon that they had shared together, and the movie that had been playing on TV. He didn't forget to talk about the particular scene in the movie, and how it had somehow driven the two of them to kiss the way they did.

("OH MY GOD," Jinhwan wheezed. "YOU TWO DID WHAT.")

Junhoe saw the shocked look on Jinhwan's face and he suspected the mathyung was hyperventilating judging from the squeaky sound of his breath, but he chose to ignore all that. He kept on talking about the anxiety he had felt after that day, how it had prevented him from functioning like he normally did. He told Jinhwan how he had messed up during his recording session the other day and how Hanbin had given him the 'silence' (and how it had been haunting his dreams ever since).

("Now you know how Yunhyeong and Chanwoo feel every time they go into the recording studio," Jinhwan said. "Poor Hanbin is going to get grey hairs soon.")

Very soon, he reached the part where he had taken refuge in the bathroom, and then he had to pause for a moment. He had no idea how to continue, had been dreading going back to that moment in particular. But he could see Jinhwan was waiting for him to go on. And really, this part right here was exactly why he had knocked on Jinhwan's door (with his stash of alcohol) earlier tonight.

So then he continued, albeit slowly and struggling.

"I was about to leave, thinking Hanbin would probably be waiting for me, but then, um, Bobby came in. I--I didn't know what to say, at first. But Bobby said--he said sorry. He apologized because he thought he was the cause that got me so distracted."

"Wasn't he?" Jinhwan asked, taking a sip from his glass.

"Well, yes, and no. I mean, I guess so," Junhoe replied.

Jinhwan gave him an unamused look. "And then what happened? Please don't tell me you guys kissed again."

Heat flared on Junhoe's face, and it definitely wasn't the alcohol's fault. "Well, actually..."

"You WHAT?!" Jinhwan shrieked. "After you stood him up for THREE WHOLE DAYS?!"

"He stood _me_ up for just as long after we got back from Japan!" Junhoe tried to defend himself, but even he could hear how obnoxious he was being.

"Yes, because he was _mad_ at you, you big idiot!"

Jinhwan was practically pulling at his own hair out of frustration at this point. Junhoe was worried he was about to explode, but before he did, Jinhwan took a long swig from the nearest bottle. He drank nearly a third of what's left in the bottle before setting it down and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Okay, okay," the mathyung said, seemingly calmer now. "So Bobby walked in and apologized to you, and then you guys kissed. And how did this happen, exactly?"

"Well," Junhoe proceeded as asked. "He kept saying sorry, mainly for the, uh, you know, the kiss that happened when we had lunch together. He said, if I wanted to, we could just pretend it never happened. He wanted to save the friendship that we had regardless of--of his feelings for me."

It was a little bit hard to ignore the small, sudden _thump_ he felt inside his chest while he was talking about Bobby's feelings for him. The beat persisted stubbornly and got even louder as he continued talking.

"He suggested for us to head back to the studio, but I just suddenly didn't want to. And then I--I swear I didn't mean to--I don't know what got into me but--I just--"

"You kissed him?"

"I kissed him."

The heat that simmered under the skin of his cheeks blazed so hot all Junhoe could do was hide his face in the palms of his hands.

"He was quick to respond and--and then we were just kissing. It wasn't just _kissing_ , honestly," he stuttered, his voice slightly muffled by his hands. "Um, basically we were, you know, making out. He was holding me tightly, and I was just--I couldn't--"

"Okay, okay, you're asphyxiating, take a break."

Junhoe could feel his hands being pulled away from his face, and he relented although he would rather not show his face at the moment. It was only when he saw Jinhwan's face that he realized his breathing was faster than normal, as if he had been running a marathon. The repeating _thump thump_ in his chest seemed so loud now, he wondered if Jinhwan could hear it.

His hands were damp as he rubbed them together. He had heard somewhere that sweaty palms could be seen as a sign that his internal organs were unhealthy. He wondered if it specifically meant his heart.

"If I didn't hear this straightly from you, I would never believe it," Jinhwan said, shaking his head lightly. He had an almost awed expression on his face, his eyes were wide and his mouth was slightly opened. "The most awkward pair of members who never seemed to be able to experience physical contact with one another without flinching so hard. And now you're telling me you guys have actually made out in the bathroom of our work place. I'm--"

Junhoe groaned. Listening to Jinhwan summarizing an entire lifetime of his and Bobby's weird relationship in such blunt words made him feel uncomfortably uneasy. What's worse was that Jinhwan had been accurate in his description.

"And then what happened?" Jinhwan prompted.

Junhoe sighed. _Here comes the anticlimactic ending._ He carried on while hoping Jinhwan wouldn't bite his head off. "And then Yunhyeong appeared and I ran off and I haven't talked to Bobby ever since."

There were a few seconds of silence that stretched that made Junhoe consider packing up the rest of his bottles and making a run for his life. Jinhwan's eyes had grown as large as they possibly could, his facial muscles were twitching dangerously, and his hands were clenching and unclenching repeatedly.

And then came the scream.

"You WHAT?!?!?"

Junhoe immediately ducked when pillows flew toward his direction, followed by an armful of angry Jinhwan throwing punches at him.

"How could you! What the hell were you thinking?!" Jinhwan screeched, still hitting Junhoe with his fists. Those fists may be small, but they packed some painful blows.

"I'm _confused_!" Junhoe hid his face under his arm, a poor attempt at deflecting Jinhwan's punches from hitting his face. "Hyung, I don't know what I'm supposed to do! I don't even know how I _feel_ about Bobby!"

Jinhwan stopped beating him, finally, but he still looked pretty upset. "You don't know how you feel about him yet you still kissed him. _Twice_! I can usually forgive ignorance but this is on a completely different level, Goo Junhoe."

"I know, and I'm not proud of myself, believe me," Junhoe replied, lowering his arm when he thought Jinhwan wouldn't hit him again.

"Then why did you kiss him in the first place? Do you even like him that way?"

"I don't know, I really don't know!" Junhoe whined, frustrated. "I suppose--I mean, I'm pretty sure I like him as a friend. He's funny, he's respectable, he's just an overall cool guy. I've always admired his personality."

"Do you like me as a friend? Do you think I have a great personality?"

Junhoe stared at Jinhwan quizzically. _Is this a trick question? Is he going to beat me up again if I say the wrong answer?_

"Um, yes...?" he answered carefully, watching Jinhwan's reaction.

"Do you want to kiss me?" Jinhwan asked again.

Junhoe nearly choked on air. " _What_...?"

Jinhwan paused for a bit to take a swig again from the bottle of whiskey. It looked close to empty right now.

"Hypothetically speaking," he spoke again, staring at Junhoe. "If the situation were the same right now, would you want to kiss me? Let's say, the same romantic flick was playing, and we were watching the same kissing scene. You liked me as a friend, and you knew I liked you just as well. Would you feel the same urge to kiss me?"

_Oh, so that's where he's going._

Junhoe took a moment to think about Jinhwan's question. Would he? Junhoe imagined himself returning to the situation days ago, in the living room, in front of the TV, only this time it was Jinhwan sitting beside him rather than Bobby. They were watching the couple kissing on the screen. The camera did a close up. The kissing became more heated. How would he feel? Would he want to kiss Jinhwan, or maybe ask Jinhwan to kiss him?

His thoughts were too busy considering the possibility, it was a surprise when he heard the sound of glass clanking. And before he could worry whether there was a glass or a bottle getting toppled over and spilling whiskey onto the carpet, there were lips pressing against his lips.

The shock registered a little bit later when he blinked and saw the light brown puff of Jinhwan's hair in front of his eyes. _Jinhwan is kissing me. What the hell...?_

It was not unpleasant, to be honest. Jinhwan's lips were soft, and the kiss was more like gentle little pecks rather than passionate liplocking. It was just Junhoe had not expected it at all, not even when the topic was first brought forth.

Maybe Jinhwan was just giving him a favor regarding his predicament. Maybe, by doing this, he could help filling in the dots in Junhoe's head. If by the end of this kiss Junhoe felt just as troubled as he had been after he kissed Bobby, then the source of the problem was not the person, but rather the situation.

At least he hoped so.

A little doubtfully, he responded to the kiss by moving his own lips. He also shifted his hand and let it rest on Jinhwan's nape. He had always liked touching the other's nape, it was soft and smooth like a baby's. Despite him not being the kind of person who really enjoyed doing skinship with other people, with Jinhwan it just felt so natural and so easy.

The smell of alcohol that wafted between them was a little distracting, but Junhoe wasn't about to complain. The kiss was actually nice, and maybe, he hoped, soon enough he would feel his heart getting excited just like when he kissed Bobby. And then he would know he had only been panicking because of the kiss, and not because of who he was kissing...

"So this is why you've been avoiding me, huh?"

Lips pulled apart in a haste. Junhoe scrambled back, his heart beating hard against his ribcage. He looked up and instantly felt like he was dying when he saw the face that came with the voice. Something exploded inside of him, something ugly and poisonous that was melting him from the inside out.

_Bobby_.

"You should have just fucking told me, Goo Junhoe."

Bobby's voice sounded sharp, the sharpest knife that tore into Junhoe's mind and soul. His brain was screaming a thousand things at once, but before his mouth could utter a word, Bobby shook his head, turned, and left. And it shouldn't have felt this way but with those receding footsteps, Junhoe felt like his heart was being ripped slowly and painfully out of his chest.

"God damn it, I'm too drunk for this."

Jinhwan was rubbing his forehead when Junhoe turned to look at him. Junhoe wanted to ask what he was supposed to do now, but even his lips were too busy trembling and his breath was too caught in his throat that no words could escape.

"Go, Junhoe, go!" Jinhwan said. "Talk to him!"

"But I can't..."

"You can and you _need_ to. You always keep him at arms length, pretty soon you wont be able to reach him no matter how far you stretch your arms. Now ask yourself, is that what you want?"

Junhoe thought of how it would be if Bobby completely stopped caring for him, seized away all of the attention he used to give him. If Bobby never said he liked him anymore. If Bobby's 'I'm done with you,' truly meant he was absolutely done with him.

"Go. You've got your answer. Go now before it's too late."

So with one last look at the mathyung, Junhoe stood up, swayed a little on his feet due to the shock he still felt. But he struggled to hold himself upright, and then he took off toward Bobby's room.

 

  **× TO BE CONTINUED ×**


	6. 05

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I had FUN writing an angry, drunk Jinhwan 😆  
> \- Lots of cursing in this chapter, half of it is Jinhwan's doing HAHAHAHA  
> \- Son Yejin is the female actress that Jinhwan said he was a fan of (he did a parody of her in Beautiful MV)  
> \- A very tiny hint of Double B...?  
> \- As the chapters progress I think I might have to raise the rating 🤭

**5**

**Bobby**

 

The door slammed behind him loudly, the hinges rattling. It was something he should probably be worried about, whether he had damaged the property and whether he would need reparation to be done. He might also have to be concerned about Donghyuk in the room nearby or even the neighbors next door hearing the commotion. But really, none of that mattered to him now. The house could burn down and take him along with it for all he cared.  
  
He didn't go very far into his dark room, as he tripped on something hard and horrible _pain_ bloomed on his shin.  
  
"Fucking fuck!"  
  
At this point, he was probably close to setting a record for the most cursing he did in one day, but nobody was counting and he felt like he still had a lot of cursing to do before the day ended. Begrudgingly and as carefully as he could, he made his way to the lamp switch and flicked it on. His room, as messy as he had left it earlier this morning, was instantly bathed in light.  
  
He stood in the middle of the room, sighed, and felt the weight of his problems pressing down on him slowly and excruciatingly.  
  
It felt a little unreal. Every single moment he went through today seemed disconnected between one and the next in his brain, as if he had woken up this morning and gone on doing his activities half-consciously. He remembered having dinner with Donghyuk and pouring his heart out to him, but that moment seemed to have happened a long, long time ago.  
  
All that was left in his head, quite frustratingly, was the most recent scene he had seen. And that was of Junhoe and Jinhwan kissing.  
  
Bobby groaned as the pain started afresh. It was like getting his skin sliced open over and over again, and getting salt water poured onto the open wounds. He had never experienced pain like this before. But, then again, he had never known he could fall for someone as hard as he did for Junhoe.  
  
_God damn you, Goo Junhoe. God damn every single part of you that I fell in love with._  
  
He ran his hands through his hair, wishing he could pull his thoughts out of his head as easily as ripping his hair from his scalp. If that had been something possible for him to do, he would have taken out that part of his brain that never stopped thinking about Junhoe. He also would have torn his heart out and put it alongside that part of his brain in a casket, nailed the casket shut, and then buried it six feet underground.  
  
Then again, it wouldn't have been enough. There were still so many parts of him, cells that were part of his entire structure, that were bound to the thought of Goo Junhoe. He might as well bury himself in that casket to entirely get rid of this feeling he felt for Junhoe.  
  
_Funny. I used to think I was always totally prepared for a heartbreak._  
  
It was the kind of mindset he thought he ought to have, being as head over heels for Junhoe as he was. It was, in a way, his coping mechanism to deal with disappointment.  
  
But now that the heartbreak he had been expecting actually came, he found out that it didn't come with a warning or a knock on the door. Instead, it smashed its way in and buldozed everything down to the ground.  
  
He sighed again and looked around his room. What was he supposed to do now? Go to sleep? _Yeah, right._ As if he could close his eyes for a second without his brain replaying _that specific scene_ over and over again. It was hilarious, if not tragic, how your mind remembered the very thing you wanted to forget.  
  
It felt suffocating to be here, knowing the source of his pain was next door. He should probably go upstairs and crash in Hanbin's room. If the leader asked him what was wrong he could just say that something stank in his room, or he got bored of sleeping in his own bedroom and needed a change of atmosphere.  
  
Whatever came to mind. Whatever reason he could come up with, just to get himself as far away as possible from Junhoe.  
  
The knock on his door came as soon as he made his first step with the intention to leave his room. The sound was followed a few seconds later by a timid, almost incomprehensible voice, calling, "Bobby-hyung...?"  
  
Bobby instantly froze on the spot, a couple of feet away from his door. A cold and sharp shock glided down his spine, as if someone poured ice water onto him. No matter how muted the voice sounded, there was no mistaking whose it was. _Junhoe._  
  
He would love, more than anything, to be able to disappear into thin air on a whim. Unfortunately, such ability only existed in superhero movies, and he was no superhero. He couldn't pretend he wasn't here either because of how he had slammed his door so loudly the entire story must have heard it and known where he was.  
  
In the end, his instinct to fight won over flight, and with anger burning hot in every crevice inside of him, he marched toward his door.  
  
"What do you want, Goo Junhoe? Go the fuck away," he growled.  
  
For a minute or two there was silence. Bobby almost felt disappointed thinking that Junhoe did exactly what he had told him to do, which was to go away. But what did he expect? That Junhoe would persist and apologize? Another 'sorry, Hyung' was not going to be enough this time.  
  
Bobby was in for a surprise when the next voice he heard was not Junhoe's.  
  
"Ya, Kim Jiwon! Open the door and let Junhoe talk to you, you dumb fuck!"  
  
He was too shocked to move, hearing Jinhwan's voice, not to mention the rudeness of what he had shouted. His hand froze by his sides, and all he could do was stare as his door swung open. When Jinhwan walked in, Bobby regretted he hadn't remembered to lock the door.  
  
Soon enough, he had an eyeful of Kim Jinhwan standing in front of him, all mathyung-ish and intimidating. But in closer inspection, Jinhwan's cheeks looked red and his eyes were losing focus a couple of times. Also, there wasn't much space between them that Bobby could easily smell the alcohol coming from the elder. _How much has he been drinking?_  
  
"Listen and you listen good, Kim Jiwon, because I'm too fucking drunk to say it twice," Jinhwan pointed a finger at his face. "What happened back there was a-- _hic_ \--fuck--was a total misunderstanding. We, Junhoe and I, didn't kiss--well, we did, but it's not what you think it is. Shit, my head is spinning."  
  
Jinhwan paused for a moment, eyes scrunched in obvious agony. Bobby, in the midst of his shock and confusion and delayed anger, randomly thought that his record in cursing today had just been thoroughly broken by Jinhwan in just the last five minutes. It is a marvel seeing Jinhwan so talkative, when usually he was a sad, brooding hermit whenever he was drunk.  
  
"It wasn't Junhoe's fault, okay?" Jinhwan continued after the short break. "It was mine. Well, mine and the damn whiskey Junhoe brought. Let me tell you, Junhoe came knocking at my door looking like a lost puppy and he told me you guys kissed, and it made him confused as fuck. So I kissed him, just to help him with his confusion, you know, sort up his mind. Yeah, okay, it sounds like bullshit right now but I swear it isn't. I actually did it for the greater fucking good, because obviously Junhoe is too dumb to ever figure out how he feels for you. And you, well, you're just mostly dumb. No offense-- _hic_ \--"  
  
Bobby actually did take offense but he remained silent. _I ain't taking any risk with a drunk, unpredictable Jinhwan._  
  
"He didn't kiss me because he wanted to, and I would actually rather kiss Son Yejin-ssi, but fuck me, she's not here, isn't she?" Jinhwan lamented randomly. "And when you showed up at the door, he was shocked, no, actually he straight up _panicked_. I was actually worried he was going to fucking cry. So I guess that counts as something, even if the idiot himself still doesn't know how to express his God damned feelings.  
  
"Now-- _hic_ \--fucking hiccups! Could you fucking stop for a moment--now Junhoe is right outside your door, desperate out of his wits wanting to talk to you. So you," Jinhwan waved his finger at Bobby again. "You better give him the chance to talk, or I swear, Kim Jiwon, you are going to be fucking sorry."  
  
Bobby couldn't help but be momentarily distracted by the use of his real name. _It's almost like getting scolded by Dad..._ He quickly shook the thought out of his head (because of how horrific the image of Jinhwan as his dad was), and that's when he noticed they had spectators.  
  
At his doorway, at one side, stood Donghyuk. Wide eyed, half-scared, half-awed Donghyuk. He most likely had heard the commotion (since his room was right next door) and had come out to see what was going on. He looked like he was having the shock of his life, and he probably was since they didn't often see their mathyung exploding like this.  
  
And at the other side was Junhoe.  
  
_Dumb Junhoe with his dumb, sad eyes and his dumb, nervous face. He shouldn't be biting his lip like that, he's going to hurt himself. That dumb guy._  
  
Bobby sighed. It was quite annoying how, with just one look at Junhoe, his resolution vaporized into thin air.  
  
"Okay, okay," he spoke to Jinhwan. "I'll talk to Junhoe. You should just, um, go ahead and get some rest, Hyung. And that goes for you too, Donghyuk!"  
  
He turned to glare at Donghyuk, who looked like he wanted to protest. But then he glared harder and Donghyuk finally relented, although it wasn't without grumbling and sulking all the way back to his room.  
  
"One more thing," Jinhwan said, bringing Bobby's attention back to him. Bobby found him looking, quite suddenly and surprisingly, sober and lucid. "Whatever you do, just keep in mind that it is never Junhoe's intention to be ignorant. He's a fool, but he's a pure hearted fool. Just--just talk everything out, and be patient with him. Okay?"  
  
Bobby nodded, knowing it was concern for Junhoe that he saw gleaming in Jinhwan's eyes. He was no stranger to the same concern. Sometimes he would mistakenly think that Junhoe was their true maknae rather than Chanwoo, because, despite being mostly loud and sassy, Junhoe was actually too naive for his own good.  
  
_He didn't even know that the sun and the moon were two different celestial beings before people told him so, for Heaven's sake!_  
  
Afterward, Jinhwan walked away--or rather, tottered dangerously toward the door. Bobby saw him stopping for a moment in front of Junhoe to say something to him, pat his shoulder, and nod at him before taking off to the direction of his room.  
  
And then it was just him and Junhoe.

×××

  
  
Bobby closed the door--much more gentler than before, this time--and gazed, apprehensively, at the person standing in the middle of his room. Junhoe looked so awkward and so lost, like a kid in a mall who got separated from his parents. He seemed to be trying very hard to look up, to maintain as much eye contact as possible with Bobby. Knowing Junhoe and the long history of their awkward interactions, he must be desperate to avert his eyes elsewhere.  
  
Bobby almost wanted to applaud his effort. But he still hadn't heard a word coming from Junhoe.  
  
"So," he mumbled, still standing by the now closed door. "What Jinhwan said."  
  
Junhoe flinched slightly. "It's true," he said. "I--I told Jinhwan-hyung everything because I was so confused, and he was just trying to help me. I didn't know what to--I just wanted to understand how I felt about--about this."  
  
"So you kissing every other guy helps you understand whatever it is you're trying to understand?"  
  
"No, it's not like that!" Junhoe argued weakly. "I didn't go around kissing every other guy."  
  
The look on Junhoe's face instantly made Bobby feel bad. That was horribly rude of him to insinuate something like that. He had, after all, promised Jinhwan he would give Junhoe a chance, and that he was going to be patient. So far, he didn't seem to be making a great progress with keeping up his promise.  
  
"Sorry, that was uncalled for. It's just--I don't know what you expect me to think, Junhoe. You avoided me for an entire day, and the next thing I saw was you and Jinhwan..." Bobby paused for a moment, pain throbbing in his chest at the image popping in his head. "Just tell me what you want, Junhoe, and we can all be done with this."  
  
Junhoe ran a hand through his hair, visibly restless. All Bobby would want was to push the younger toward finding his longed for revelation or whatever it was. But he felt like he had given all the pushing he could do, save for a punch on the face, which sounded more and more tempting as time ticked away.  
  
"I'm sorry, Hyung," Junhoe said. "About me and Jinhwan-hyung kissing, and about--about not being able to tell you anything certain. I don't know how I feel--"  
  
Bobby sighed heavily. Everything that Junhoe said was predictable and repetitive, and he was getting weary of hearing it.  
  
"I--I don't want to lie to you, Hyung!" Junhoe hurriedly continued, one hand reaching toward Bobby. But he probably saw the withering look Bobby sent his way and he quickly lowered it back down. "I just want to be sure of myself before I say anything. I need to know whether I feel the same or is it just--is it just something temporary or physical."  
  
" _You kissed me_ , Goo Junhoe, in case you need to be reminded," Bobby spat, instantly forgetting he ever promised Jinhwan to be nice. "Are you doing some kind of an experiment to sort out what's inside of your own messy head? I am _not_ a test subject, Junhoe!"  
  
"No, I'm not, Bobby-hyung, please--" Junhoe took a couple of steps approaching Bobby.  
  
However, Junhoe didn't get to move another inch because, at the same time, Bobby's pure, cold rage exploded inside of him. This rage pushed him to march toward Junhoe, to reach out and grab his collar with one hand. The same rage also drove his other hand to swing in a fist toward Junhoe's face.  
  
Inches from Junhoe's face, Bobby pulled on the breaks. It took almost all self control he had left within him to be able to stop. It felt like fighting a giant sea monster that was clawing him deep inside, screaming for him to land that fist.  
  
The younger didn't even move, his face was scrunched tight as if he was all prepared for impact. Recalling Junhoe's martial arts training, he could have easily toppled Bobby to the ground, but he didn't. His hands were loose by his sides, leaving himself vulnerable.  
  
"I hate myself for loving you so much I can't even hit your fucking perfect nose," Bobby growled out of frustration.  
  
He watched as Junhoe blinked his eyes open, seemingly surprised he hadn't gotten hit. They stood so close that it was impossible for Bobby not to notice every single detail of the other's face. How those eyes quivered when he tried to look at Bobby, how his tongue slipped out briefly to nervously wet his lips. He was beautiful even in his nervousness and cluelessness.  
  
_How am I so irrevocably in love with you, Goo Junhoe? How is it possible to feel so much pain--desperation--obsession--love for one person in a lifetime?_  
  
And then, slowly, carefully, Junhoe shifted his hand and took Bobby's still raised fist in his hold. He lowered both of their hands and didn't let go. Curses ran through Bobby's mind as his hand surrendered easily, as if his entire body would give up in a blink of an eye with just a single nudge from Junhoe.  
  
"I told you too many times that I didn't know how I feel," Junhoe murmured. "Is it love? Is it admiration? Is it as massive as what you feel for me? I didn't know and I still don't know, Bobby-hyung, and I'm really sorry for that."  
  
Bobby felt Junhoe's fingers rubbing softly across his knuckle and he knew he was gone. The coldness inside his heart melted like ice spires being blown by warm, summer breeze. His fist loosened and Junhoe held it in a gentle grip. His other hand rose to the hand that was still clutching onto the collar of his tshirt, and led it up to the side of his face and held it there.  
  
A shiver ran up Bobby's spine all the way to the back of his head. Junhoe's cheek felt warm, almost hot under his touch. And before he could stop himself, his thumb was smoothing along the line of Junhoe's cheekbone.  
  
"Everyone calls me an idiot, I guess that's what I am," the younger carried on. "I don't know a lot of things that maybe I should have known. But what I do know is your--your touch, your kiss--"  
  
Bobby released an involuntary, shaky sigh, as memories of the touches and kisses that had been shared between them were flooding his brain. He squeezed Junhoe's hand in his grip. They had somehow moved closer, until there were mere inches between them that Bobby could feel the hot breath coming from Junhoe's mouth caressing his face.  
  
"--those things you did to me made me feel things I've never felt before. I don't think I would feel the same with anyone else. I'm not sure what that means but it has to be _something_ , right?" Junhoe asked meekly. "And now, I have no right to ask you for more of your time, but if--if you can wait until I understand how I feel..."  
  
Bobby pulled his hand from Junhoe's hold, and moved it to the other side of Junhoe's face. He was half expecting the younger to slip away from his hold, to escape in fear or in doubt, to shut him away in a painful distance. He could almost see the two of them going back to being overcome by the stifling, disorienting awkwardness that had always been lodged between them, threatening to split them apart.  
  
"Are you going to walk away and leave me hanging all by myself again after this?" Bobby whispered his fear out loud. Because if that's what Junhoe was going to do, then he might as well tell him to leave now. Better to bear the brunt of the whole pain in one go than to be tortured by small fragments in an extended period of time.  
  
But Junhoe stayed put. His hands had made their way toward Bobby's waist and held on there. And he murmured, "No. I'm not going to walk away, Hyung. Not anymore."  
  
_Promises, promises._  
  
To be honest, he didn't 100% believe the words coming from Junhoe's mouth. After everything that had happened these past couple of days, he couldn't help but be a little bit pessimistic. But Junhoe was still here. And Junhoe was holding on to him, and they were gravitating toward one another almost naturally, until Bobby's lips touched Junhoe's, and everything else was forgotten.  
  
_It's like losing one too many battles, I'm giving in to you over and over again. I'm a pathetic mess under your feet, Goo Junhoe. You asked me to wait for you? Very well, I'll wait, even if it takes a million years._  
  
They were kissing in the middle of Bobby's room, lips and tongues reacquanting, hands clutching so tightly. Though it had began softly, doubtfully, the kiss was quickly becoming harsher and more urgent. It was as though they were desperately trying to make up for lost times. Bobby didn't know what Junhoe was compensating for, but he personally had a lot. For instance, the times he had spent admiring Junhoe from afar, imagining what it would be like to be able to talk to Junhoe without cowering in nervousness, and wishing, more than anything, that he had the chance to touch Junhoe intimately.  
  
If only he had known, back then, that he would end up here, like this, living his precious dreams...  
  
A hoarse moan left his mouth, the kiss paused, when he felt cold hands crawling up his back. He didn't know how or when or _why_ Junhoe sneaked his hands under both his hoodie and his tshirt and were touching him where they had never touched before, but it was making him feel all the things he would probably be too embarrassed to explain to anyone. In response, he embraced Junhoe tighter, and pressed his lips on the younger's neck. He remembered how the same action had enticed such delicious response from Junhoe, the other day in the bathroom. And his expectations were well fulfilled as Junhoe whimpered and squeezed closer, tighter.  
  
"B-Bobby..."  
  
_Beautiful._  
  
Keeping this newfound knowledge of Junhoe's sensitive spot in his mind, Bobby continued, mouthing and occasionally nipping along the smooth, warm skin of that neck. Junhoe was making wonderful noises, his breath tickling Bobby's ear in such close proximity. The hands on his back would either run up and down or scratch in irregular direction.  
  
He was grateful Junhoe didn't have long nails.  
  
Bobby had to tilt his head a bit to reach a spot behind Junhoe's ear that earned him a particularly loud moan. He was thinking randomly of how he had never made out with someone as tall as Junhoe (who was a good 3 inches taller than him). Then again, he hadn't kissed a lot of guys, not in such an intimate way at least.  
  
_Let's not think of that time I lost a bet and had to kiss Hanbin..._  
  
His random contemplation was cut short when Junhoe, in response to Bobby nipping a spot under his earlobe, released a high pitched moan and ground his hips against Bobby's.  
  
"Woah, okay, hold up," Bobby said. "Sorry but I don't think we're ready for that, yet."  
  
He withdrew, letting Junhoe's hands fall away from his back. It took almost every ounce of willpower he had, which was not a lot to begin with, to do that. Every inch of his body wanted to go on, to say _fuck it_ and go cross that very last line, but a somehow still sane part of his brain was telling him that they were going too fast and too hard. It went against what Junhoe had just asked him to do, which was to wait. If ever they went any further, if any miracle allowed it to happen, he wanted the both of them to be certain.  
  
He didn't want to encounter that regret, that 'I wish I didn't do it' in the end.  
  
"Sorry, I was--I can't--" Junhoe stuttered, and he was such a remarkable sight, with red, moist lips and rosy cheeks. He was slightly trembling and also gasping for air, his chest expanding and retracting quickly with every breath he took.  
  
Bobby shushed him gently, pulling him in for an embrace. He would need some cool down time for himself, too. _That was too intense. Self-control, Bobby, self fucking control._  
  
Bobby held Junhoe, running his hands soothingly on the back of his head. He held him, letting him lean his head on his shoulder. He held him until his quivering subsided and his breathing calmed.  
  
He held Junhoe, the love of his life, while his mind wondered about a million different things at once. _Is this okay? Did I screw up? Is he going to runaway again? What do I do now?_  
  
He was helpless to think that only time would be able to tell.

 

**× TO BE CONTINUED ×**


	7. 06

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- If you can't guess yet, the song they are rehearsing to is Love Scenario.  
> \- The rating might go up from this chapter onward MWAHAHAHAHAHA  
> \- Btw in case there are new readers and you guys are confused when you click Chapter 7 but the title says Chapter 6, I'm here to remind you that Chapter 4 has 2 parts. So.  
> \- This chapter was mostly inspired by the Christmas Vlive the guys did in 2016, in which Hanbin revealed that Bobby and Junhoe took a shower together. You know what I'm talking about.

**6**

**Junhoe**

 

"No one is leaving this room until we get that damn dance practice video recorded, you hear me?!"  
  
Hanbin shouted that after what Junhoe felt was their twenty seventh time repeating the same routine and listening to the same song. He heard the collective groan that came from every corner and every side of the room, and he could easily sympathize with everyone. The dance routine was not particularly complicated, the song itself was midtempo, but to have to perform it over and over and over again without a break, it was getting exhausting. Not to mention Hanbin's obsessive compulsive tendencies that drove him to demand every single movement to be perfect.  
  
Junhoe simply hoped that he wouldn't get bored of the song even before it was released.  
  
From where he was sitting--or rather, slouching--on the floor against the wall, he couldn't help stealing another glance toward the clock on the wall, and wondered if Hanbin would let them leave in time for dinner. Hanbin himself would probably forget, but Junhoe placed his hopes in Yunhyeong, who would usually remind everyone (and drag Hanbin against his will) to eat. He was getting a bit hungry himself, his brain helplessly supplying images of a bowl of piping hot jjampong. With a side of mandu, it would make a great ending for a tiring day.  
  
The images of jjampong and mandu instantly shuffled into the back of his mind when he heard the leader shouting for them to get up and start over. Junhoe sighed and was about to push himself off of the floor, but before he did he saw a hand dangled in front of him. He unknowingly took the offered hand, looked up, and his heart immediately skipped a couple of beats.  
  
Bobby was smiling at him, a soft, half smile that was almost a smirk. Junhoe stared dumbly, could only follow the pull until he was standing up. He only remembered to blink and breathe when Bobby let go of his hand and walked away, sauntering toward his place in the starting formation.  
  
"Move it, Junhoe-ya!" Hanbin yelled, which shocked Junhoe into moving his feet. On his way into joining the formation, he could see from the corner of his eyes Jinhwan giving him an astonished look, but he didn't stop to say anything.  
  
He got into position, waited until the song started playing, and began moving when the cue came. His body was almost moving on auto-pilot now, having been doing this all day long. The lyrics also came to him easily. He didn't have a lot of parts in this song, so it was much easier to focus on the dance.  
  
They reached the jumping-together-like-you-just-don't-care part at the end of the song. Junhoe looked at the camera and mouthed the lyrics, jumping along with his group mates around him. He felt an arm slung across his shoulder and didn't think much of it, still hopping on his feet until they had to break into a closing formation. That was when he realized it had been Bobby who had half hugged him. His heart made another faux heart attack.  
  
_Okay, heart. Calm down would you?_  
  
The song ended. Junhoe found himself a little bit out of breath, which, he had a feeling, was not because of all the dancing he had done.  
  
Hanbin called for another short break while he went to check the video, Jinhwan and Yunhyeong sauntering right behind him. Junhoe stood on the spot, still trying to regain his breathing, while silently letting his eyes travel across the room toward the rest of the group which included a very specific person.  
  
At one side of the room, Bobby was joking around with Chanwoo and Donghyuk. Something that Chanwoo said made him laugh. Junhoe watched as the skin around Bobby' eyes creasing and those crooked bunny teeth showing. His laugh that sounded more like a giggle could be heard from where Junhoe was standing. _Adorable._  
  
_Wait. Did I just think..._  
  
Junhoe quickly averted his gaze and walked toward the water dispenser. He filled a glass with water and drank it all in one go. His heart was still beating quickly in his chest and his stomach felt a little weird, as if he had been eating too much but still feeling hungry.  
  
"Junhoe!"  
  
The plastic glass fell from his hand to the floor. He hurried to grab it, and when he straightened himself up he saw Hanbin glaring at him.  
  
"I've been calling your name four times, where's your head at?" Hanbin scolded him, and as soon as Junhoe approached him the leader shoved the monitor into his face. "Basically you've got the routine done accurately, but you weren't watching where your feet went. See there, you're lucky you didn't accidentally stepped on Jinhwan-hyung's foot."  
  
Junhoe felt a rush of heat flooding his face and he knew he was blushing.  
  
"Sorry," he mumbled.  
  
"Now, come on, get it together, we're shooting one more time," Hanbin said before turning to the room to gather the rest of the members.  
  
In the mean time, Junhoe pretended to wipe his forehead with the back of his hand, trying to act like he wasn't bothered by what Hanbin had just told him.  
  
He didn't want to admit it but it was the truth. He had been spacing out, distracted entirely from what he was supposed to be doing. All he could think of, quite embarrassingly, was one Kim Jiwon a.k.a Bobby. Junhoe's head was filled with his presence, his voice, his happy-go-lucky attitude, his infectious laughter... even his fluffy hair.  
  
Just thinking about him again was making Junhoe feel weird and feverish. This really wasn't going to help him go through the dance practice today.  
  
"Hey."  
  
The tap on his back and the 'hey' were enough to send him jumping ten feet into the air. He looked over his shoulder and found Jinhwan standing close by his side. His eyes were glowing with curiosity.  
  
"I might just tell Hanbin that the reason why you nearly crushed my toes with your gigantic foot was because you kept ogling our precious lead rapper," the older said in a conspiratorial manner while slinging his arm around Junhoe's back. "But I won't do that if you just tell me what happened the other night in Bobby's room."  
  
Junhoe groaned and shrugged Jinhwan's hand off of him.  
  
"I told you nothing happened!" he insisted, lowering his voice just in case anyone else was listening. "We had a serious talk, that's all. I apologized and he--he said he would give me a chance. Something like that."  
  
Jinhwan gave him a look that clearly said, 'You expect me to believe that?', but he seemed to let go of it and asked, instead, "And have you been avoiding him again afterward?"  
  
"No!" Junhoe quickly shook his head. "We talked this morning, you saw that!"  
  
"Yeah, okay, if by talking you meant saying 'good morning, Bobby-hyung,' and scurrying off to the distance as if you were chased by the demon," Jinhwan said. "I can't understand, I mean, after everything that has happened in the last couple of days, the two of you still can't have a decent conversation. What sort of miracle do you need to get rid of that awkwardness?"  
  
He didn't know what to say to counter what Jinhwan said, rather than, maybe, "This isn't the time and place to be talking about this," before he ran off toward the middle of the room where Hanbin had gathered the rest of the group. He rushed to take his spot, which, he belatedly realized, was next to Bobby who was kneeling on the floor. And when he got to his position, Bobby's face was turned to him and their eyes met.  
  
The heat on Junhoe's face intensified in a lightning speed. Bobby sent him that half-smile, half-smirk again and his heart did a _freaking somersault_ as if an entire circus was happening somewhere inside of him. Junhoe responded with what he believed as a decent smile which, he hoped, didn't make him look like he was cringing or constipated.  
  
There was no time left to ponder any further about why Bobby had smiled at him (and made him feel like a bumbling idiot), because the opening beat of the song was already playing, and Junhoe forced himself to focus on dancing. He had to keep telling himself that he couldn't botch this up--everybody was tired and desperate to go home--and prayed non-stop that, even if he did make a mistake, Hanbin would oversee it.  
  
A few minutes later, they arrived at Bobby's part at the outro and Junhoe thought he did okay. He had done every movement by the book, had made the facial expressions fitting for the lyrics, and had thankfully not stepped on anyone's foot. Hanbin clapped his hands twice and strutted quickly toward the monitor, firmly ordering everyone to stay put while he checked on the video.  
  
Junhoe stood on his spot, fanning himself with his hand. Hanbin didn't seem like he found anything unsatisfying so far, and soon enough the leader finally shouted, "It's a wrap!", which was immediately followed by relieved noises resounding throughout the room. Junhoe swore he even saw their manager heaving a short, elated breath.  
  
With plans on how to spend the rest of the evening mapped out in his head (which mostly consisted of a little bit of moping around in front of his desk, a little bit of writing, and a lot of drinking), Junhoe walked toward the bench where he had placed his hoodie earlier. He put it on, checking the pocket for his phone, and immediately screamed a little too unmanly for his liking when someone ran a hand down his back.  
  
"Woah, sorry, didn't mean to surprise you that much," Bobby flashed him a sheepish smile. His hand was still anchored, gentle and warm, on Junhoe's lower back. It felt, undeniably, _intimate._  
  
"Y--yes, Hyung?"  
  
"I'm having dinner with Donghyuk, would you like to come along?" Bobby asked.  
  
The rapper looked positively hopeful that it made Junhoe feel awful to have to disappoint him. But he didn't feel comfortable to spend dinner time with Bobby and Donghyuk, especially after what had happened the other night and the fact that Donghyuk had probably heard everything (since drunk Jinhwan had had amazingly zero control of the volume of his voice). He just didn't think he was ready yet to sit there and talk to someone else about the very thing he was still confused about.  
  
He shook his head and struggled to not stutter. "Sorry, Hyung, I think I'll just go home. I'm kind of tired."  
  
The smile on Bobby's face didn't falter, but Junhoe could tell by the hardened tightness he saw in the muscles of his jaws that the older was disappointed.  
  
"I'll join you next time!" Junhoe hurriedly said, and he knew he was blushing so hard when he added, "Maybe--maybe just the two of us--that is, if you want to..."  
  
The instant he said that, he could see Bobby's eyes light up like a Christmas tree and all signs of tension he had seen before vanished into thin air.  
  
"Are you asking me out on a date? It's definitely a yes, Goo Junhoe!" Bobby chirped happily.  
  
Junhoe could feel his breath hitching in his throat at the mention of the word 'date', and he thought he was going to asphyxiate when the hand on his back moved lower and landed a soft pat on his right buttock.  
  
Wide eyed in shock and knowing full well his face was as red as a ripe tomato, Junhoe could only stare when Bobby walked away (not without greeting him, "See you later at the apartment!") toward the exit where a squeaky and giggling Donghyuk was waiting. From the looks of Donghyuk's face, there was no way he hadn't caught sight of what Bobby had just done. It was reason enough for Junhoe to be dreading what the two of them would be talking about during their dinner outing later. He was already glad he didn't take Bobby's offer.  
  
_Donghyuk obviously already knows. I wonder how much he knows, though. Like, did Bobby tell him about what happened the other--_  
  
"Did my eyes deceive me or did I actually see Bobby-hyung fondle your butt?"  
  
Horrified at the question he heard, Junhoe turned to find Hanbin--of all people--standing not four feet away behind him. His eyes were as large as saucers and his mouth was open in that dumb, 'what-the-hell-did-I-just-see' expression.  
  
"Did something happen...?" the leader asked. "How did you and Bobby-hyung--"  
  
"No, nothing happened, gotta go, bye!"  
  
The time it took for Junhoe to respond to Hanbin's question, grab the rest of his things, and run out of the studio was a ground breaking record of three seconds. He reached outside and didn't stop running all the way to the apartment. He thought, while gasping for breath along the way, that if he checked his running app on his phone it would probably tell him 'You're doing a great job', or that he should slow down a little bit before he collapsed on the sidewalk.

×××

  
  
It was around nine p.m. when Junhoe exited his room to a crowd gathering in the living room. The crowd he saw consisted of almost all of the members and all of their managers, sitting on whatever available surface and talking animatedly. _Is there a meeting schedule I wasn't aware of...?_ And then he remembered that they were supposed to depart to Japan the day after tomorrow, so this must be a briefing or some sort. He sighed thinking he would have to pack again tonight. It really wasn't the most exciting thing to do in the world.  
  
He tucked his underwear under his arm and walked toward the towel rack. He heard, vaguely, Donghyuk and Yunhyeong arguing about who got to wear the Santa costume for day 1 and day 2. Nobody seemed to want to be sacrificed, and Junhoe could understand why. He had seen the costume, had gasped in horror at the sight, and had sworn that he would pick a fight against anyone who dared to suggest he wore it. Let Jinhwan or anyone with prettier and smoother legs be Santa, he would just cheer for them at the side.  
  
Whatever was being discussed seemed a lot less important than taking a shower, especially since he practically had just run a marathon. Humming the chorus of the new song almost unconsciously, he made his way to the bathroom and opened the door. He was instantly welcomed by the sound of the shower running and the sight of a very wet and very naked Bobby.  
  
Junhoe took one, two steps back in shock. He didn't know if Bobby had seen him come in, didn't really have the guts to check his reaction through the foggy glass screen. All he knew was he needed to back away and wait somewhere preferably far away until Bobby was done with his shower.  
  
His effort to find a place to hide fell apart when he heard Hanbin's voice from the living room.  
  
"What's wrong? Go on in, Junhoe-ya," the leader said out loud. "The sooner you are done showering the faster we can get on with the briefing."  
  
To Junhoe's horror, Jinhwan joined in, giving his unasked-for two cents.  
  
"Right, what's the problem? We're all guys. Everyone showers together more often than not," the oldest said smoothly but Junhoe knew him too well. He could easily hear the undertone that lied beneath his calm demeanor. He would have thrown an entire flower vase at Jinhwan if that hadn't been considered a murder attempt.  
  
So for the next few minutes, Junhoe stood on the spot, urgently weighing his options. It didn't get any easier with many pairs of eyes staring at him, waiting for him to make his next move. If he followed through with what Hanbin said, he would have to go in and shower together with Bobby. Just thinking about it was giving him terrible shivers down his spine. But if he didn't, everyone would find it suspicious and they would all start asking questions that he knew he wasn't ready to answer.  
  
_Curses on you, Kim Jinhwan, and maybe on you too, Kim Hanbin. I hope you two get bald a lot sooner than Yunhyeong._  
  
His legs were shaking when he finally forced them to walk the short distance from where he had been standing into the bathroom. As for the other's reaction, he didn't have to see to know that there would be various shades of shocked or scandalized look on everyone's faces.  
  
Inside, he could see Bobby was still not done showering. Obscured a little bit by the steam coming from the hot water, Junhoe saw the rapper was facing the shower with water running down his hair and back. All lean muscles and harsh curves, he was quite a sight to see. Junhoe struggled not to stare while he stripped his clothes off, dumped them on the floor, and placed his towel on the cabinet beside his clean underwear. His heart was beating crazily inside his chest.  
  
_The faster I finish, the better it is for my sanity._  
  
Junhoe prayed to all the deities he had ever known that he wouldn't slip, fall and kill himself as he walked into the shower. His prayers halted completely in his throat and he very nearly tripped on his own foot when his and Bobby's eyes met. While Bobby looked taken aback, Junhoe felt incredibly awkward and nervous.  
  
Thinking back, Junhoe had showered together or at least seen the other members naked, including Bobby once or twice before. It was inevitable since they were living under the same roof. But whatever experience he had had sharing a space with naked members, it definitely felt different now. All that he could think of was what he and Bobby had talked about, and how the skin of Bobby's back had felt under his hands when they were making out in Bobby's room last night. The memory, coupled with the sight of Bobby being absolutely nude from head to toe, was making him feel inexplicably hot and bothered.  
  
"Hanbin-hyung told me to go and shower with you," Junhoe stuttered.  
  
"Oh," Bobby replied. "Yeah, sure, uh, get in. I was just about to be done."  
  
Junhoe made his way carefully into the shower booth, making sure to keep a safe distance from Bobby. He stood under the running water, letting it soak him from head to toe. It was amazingly warm, just a tad bit too hot but exactly perfect. This would have felt amazingly comforting if he had been in a different situation, as in, a situation where he didn't have company, particularly a company named Bobby. He faced the wall, hoping Bobby would leave the bathroom soon since he had said that he was finished. Junhoe wasn't sure he could handle the tension--the very tension in the air that seemed to grow heavier the longer they stood in here together.  
  
A minute later, when he felt wet and warmed up enough, he reached out for shampoo... but was stopped halfway.  
  
He felt a pair of hands stroking his head, fingers combing through his hair, and he was immediately surrounded by the flowery scent of shampoo that he was certain was not the shampoo he owned. His heart drifted to a halt while the rest of him seemed like it was set on fire. With a weird kind of exhilaration he realized that the warmth he felt on his back was not hot water from the showerhead, but the heat coming from a person's body.  
  
"Hyung...?" he whispered confusedly.  
  
"Let me do this," Bobby said, his voice sounded heavy and husky. "I won't be seeing your black hair for a while after tomorrow."  
  
Junhoe was reminded of the appointment he had with the hairdresser tomorrow, in which he was supposed to dye his hair for the MV shooting and promotion for the new song. It would be the very first time in his life that he was going to be a red head, and he still wasn't sure how he felt about it.  
  
But that would happen tomorrow. In the mean time, Junhoe was struggling to stand up while knees were trembling like leaves. Bobby's hands were doing amazingly delicious things to his scalp and hair. It felt so good, _too good_ , that he was torn between wanting to ask Bobby to keep doing it forever, and wishing for him to stop because the longer this continued, the sooner Junhoe was going to implode from all the tension. Before he could make up his mind, though, Bobby's hands stopped their ministrations and abandoned his head completely, leaving the shampoo to be washed away by water.  
  
Not long after, those hands returned, but this time they didn't go to Junhoe's head. He nearly fell--his legs buckling on the knees--and had to hold on to the wall in front of him for support when he felt Bobby touching his back, starting from his shoulder blades all the way to his waist. Those palms were slick with soap, and moved with leisurable slowness, rubbing and kneading and exploring along his skin.  
  
Junhoe was speechless--there wasn't much going on in his head except _oh God, Bobby is touching me all over, I'm going to die, what do I do_ \--while Bobby's hands moved further, slowly, almost carefully down his sides. And when all of a sudden Junhoe felt lips caressing down the length of his shoulder, he spontaneously leaned over, forehead squeaking against the wall because it was just _too much but not enough_. He bit his own lip, holding back a moan that was threatening to spill from his throat, as Bobby continued his open-mouthed kisses on his nape.  
  
"O--ohh..."  
  
His own voice resounded back to him, breathy and embarrassingly lewd, as Bobby's mouth traveled along the side of his neck, doing similar things that had nearly cost him his entire self control last night. He had never admitted this to anyone, not even his exes, how incredibly sensitive his neck area was. But only in a couple of days Bobby seemed to have learned it and memorized it, and was now using the knowledge effectively to drive him insane. How his lips would press soft kisses, how his teeth would make small bites, and how his tongue would lick in between. Everything felt crazy good.  
  
Junhoe could feel his entire body quivering, holding on to that thin thread of sanity. Bobby had moved one hand to the front side of Junhoe's torso, while the other caught Junhoe's hand that had been propped against the wall and held onto it. The distance between them narrowed to merely a couple of inches, it was impossible for Junhoe not to be able to feel their wet, naked skins touching, pressing.  
  
Bobby's mouth had moved from Junhoe's neck to his ear, sucking his earlobe between his lips before proceeding to his cheek. His restraints falling apart, Junhoe turned his head to the side. Another moan left his mouth as their lips met in a kiss. It was answered with a soft, muffled, "Junhoe-ya," coming from Bobby's mouth.  
  
Junhoe's whole body seemed like it was burning from the inside with a fire so hot that the supposedly warm water raining down on him felt cool on his skin. The kiss was wet and sloppy, the angle of his neck was nowhere near comfortable, but the sensation was more than enough to light up every single fuse inside of him that had not been lit for a long while. He whimpered when Bobby nipped his lip between his teeth, and had to brace himself harder against the wall when Bobby's tongue delved deeper.  
  
It was when Bobby slid the hand on his stomach lower, closer to where the fire burned the hottest, that Junhoe lost his last shred of sanity. His hips jerked beyond his control, and he was very close to begging for Bobby to _touch me, touch me, please, just a little bit--_  
  
"ARE YOU TWO GOING TO SPEND ALL NIGHT SHOWERING?! WE HAVE A BRIEFING TO HOLD!!!"  
  
Hanbin's voice, although coming from the outside (thank goodness he didn't barge in through the door), was loud enough to jar Junhoe's nerves. Both he and Bobby pulled away in haste. While he remained bracing himself against the wall, Bobby was backing away, making a space between them that Junhoe couldn't help but despise.  
  
"Fuck, I'm going to fucking kill Kim Hanbin. Fuck him and fuck that meeting, too." Junhoe could hear Bobby muttering under his breath, and while it was a little surprising to listen to him curse so much, Junhoe undoubtedly shared the same sentiment.  
  
While he was trying to ground himself, a gentle touch, an almost opposite from what he had felt just a few seconds ago, landed on his back.  
  
"Sorry, I really--I shouldn't have," Bobby spoke softly, a regretful tone in his voice. "I was supposed to wait, wasn't I? I said I would. Sorry, Junhoe. I got carried away."  
  
Junhoe was clueless about what to say. A part of his brain was telling him it was the right thing to do to maintain a healthy distance--he had, after all, asked for some time to think, and to go through a contact so intimate would totally go against his own words. The other part, though, the one that thoroughly enjoyed what had happened and wanted more of it, was telling him he was being an idiot for letting Bobby slip away, leaving him in the shower, and finally exiting the bathroom. That part of the brain was laughing at his stupidity, at how horrified he felt as he looked down and found himself half hard.  
  
Junhoe spent the next few minutes biting his lip hard so that he couldn't make a sound, thinking about everything disgusting and annoying, willing his erection to go away. The water had turned cold when he finally calmed down, but he didn't even have it in him to feel bothered about how he was shivering to the bones. He rushed to finish his shower and dry himself up.  
  
Moments later, he walked out of the bathroom with his head bowed. Ignoring Hanbin's scolding and everyone else's comments and the briefing that he was supposed to join in, he quickly got into his bedroom, locked the door, and slumped desolately onto the bed.

×××

  
  
Junhoe opened his eyes with a moan between his lips to a dimly lit room and the sheet clutched in his hand. His other hand was somehow nestled inside his underwear, gripping himself hard. A left-over feeling of someone holding him, opening him up, and thrusting into him was burnt into his brain and everywhere else in his body. It was weird, because he knew he had never been there before, had never known what it was like to take rather than give. But then here he was, slowly coming to a wake in the middle of the night, so very turned on by a dream of someone fucking him in the ass.  
  
_No, not just someone. It was Bobby. I can even still hear his voice in my head._  
  
Junhoe felt his toes curl in pleasure as the images flooded his brain, his hand tightening its grip. He shrugged down his underwear for more freedom to move, and while the hand on his cock began a steady rhythm of moving up and down, his other hand moved experimentally to his rear. It felt weird, at first, a nagging thought telling him that it was dirty. Nonetheless, even as he recognized the doubt, he groaned when his fingers touched his hole.  
  
It didn't take long for him to go over the edge with both hands working himself up toward the peak and also the dream having done most of the foreplay for him. He came hard. Everything was somewhat hazy, but what he did remember clearly was that, as he whimpered in the throes of orgasm, he had a clear view of Bobby in his mind and a ghost-sensation of his shaft burried deep inside of him.  
  
When he finally came to his senses, breath puffing through his mouth and hands sticky with his own semen, only one thought came to mind.  
  
_I'm screwed. I'm totally, utterly, undeniably screwed._

**× TO BE CONTINUED ×**


	8. 07

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Angry Jinan makes another appearance. I like writing Angry Jinan a lot.  
> \- Looots of talking in this chapter, I hope it doesn't get too blah, y'know what I mean  
> \- Aaaaaand can you GUESS WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE NEXT CHAPTER? HAHAHAHA

**7**

**Bobby**

 

Bobby was in the middle of getting punched repeatedly and quite painfully on his shoulder by one Kim Donghyuk, all because he drank the cola that Donghyuk had poured for himself, when he noticed Jinhwan approaching them, wearing not a lot of things but a short, furry, red-white shorts and white sneakers. The mathyung seemed to have stripped off the Sexy Santa top, but had not thought of grabbing a t-shirt or anything else to change into. It ought to be a funny sight, but the gleam in those eyes and the determined pout on those lips were intimidating enough to stop Bobby from laughing. Even Donghyuk seemed to notice, too, and had stopped beating him up.  
  
"W--what's up, Jinhwan-hyung?" Bobby tried to act cool and knew he failed miserably.  
  
"You--" Jinhwan pointed his tiny finger at him, "--are going to tell me _exactly_ what happened in the bathroom between you and Junhoe, or I swear to God, Kim Jiwon, I'm going to--"  
  
Bobby moved as fast as he could to grab Jinhwan and put his hand over the older's mouth, looking around in a hurry to check if anybody else heard what he said. Donghyuk, dear old Donghyuk, didn't do much help when he shrieked quite loudly, "OH MY GOD, HYUNG, DON'T TELL ME YOU AND JUN--"  
  
It was all Bobby could do to kick Donghyuk on the side to shut him up, since both of his hands were busy clutching at Jinhwan to make sure he stayed quiet. Donghyuk squealed in pain, and Bobby actually felt sorry he couldn't stop for a moment and enjoy the sight.  
  
"Ssh! Both of you, shut up!" Bobby hissed when Yunhyeong passed by and gave them a puzzled look. When said person left without a word, Bobby let go of Jinhwan. "Nothing happened in the bathroom, Hyung, and if you say one more word, Kim Donghyuk, my foot is going to aim for your face."  
  
"I don't believe you one bit," Jinhwan griped, wriggling like a giant, very slippery, very sweaty worm in Bobby's hold. "Junhoe didn't want to tell me anything no matter what I did to force it out of him. But he's so out of it, he bumps into walls more often than usual, I know _something_ must have happened!"  
  
For a second Bobby felt horrified thinking about what Jinhwan might have done to Junhoe, back in their shared hotel room. Hopefully nothing too bad, but with Jinhwan it was hard to predict.  
  
"Did you two have sex?"  
  
Bobby promptly jerked his leg in Donghyuk's direction and this time he landed a kick on the younger's shoulder. Quite unfortunate, Bobby thought, despite hearing a louder scream of pain. He had, after all, promised to kick him on the face.  
  
"Lower your voice," Bobby growled, glaring at Donghyuk. "And no--good God, Kim Donghyuk, do you have your head in the gutter? What the hell--we did _not_ have sex! And, Jinhwan-Hyung, as much as it is nice to see your fair skinned body, could you please put something on because your sweat is dripping all over me?"  
  
Jinhwan grumbled, but did as Bobby asked him to do. He got up and dried himself up, put on a t-shirt and changed his costume pants into jeans.  
  
Bobby sighed. He hadn't woken up this morning expecting to be cornered by both Jinhwan and Donghyuk like this. And worst of all, Jinhwan looked like he wasn't going to back down, which made Bobby wonder just how frustrated he must have been after not getting anything from Junhoe.  
  
Personally, Bobby didn't really mind telling Jinhwan and Donghyuk about what had happened, if only to shut them up and stop them from asking more questions. He had told Donghyuk mostly everything, minus the bathroom incident because he hadn't had the chance to. He trusted Donghyuk with his life, and out of all the members Donghyuk was probably the one person who knew most of Bobby's secrets.  
  
On the other hand, Jinhwan had always been more of Junhoe's confidante rather than Bobby's. Sure, Bobby had gone to him to talk about personal matters, but Jinhwan was the kind of person who changed moods so randomly. One moment he could be super attentive--he would listen to whatever people would share with him--but once he lost the mood, there was no hope in telling him anything.  
  
Bobby had always wondered how Jinhwan managed dealing with Junhoe, whose weirdness should have challenged the most patient person in the planet (Bobby considered himself an exception because, well, he's in love with him).  
  
The point was, Bobby thought it shouldn't be a big problem to talk about what had happened to both Donghyuk and Jinhwan. They knew so much already, what was one more thing? All he was worried about was how Junhoe would think about him sharing information that he himself had kept securely. He just hoped Junhoe wouldn't be too mad about it.  
  
When Jinhwan returned, all freshened-up and pretty much suited up, Bobby made up his mind.  
  
"Let's talk about this later in our room," he said to Jinhwan while gesturing to both himself and Donghyuk. "There's not much to tell, really, so please don't murder me if you don't feel like my answer is enough to satisfy your curiosity."  
  
"Okay, later then."  
  
Bobby should have known, should have read the signs of danger twinkling in Jinhwan's eyes when he quickly agreed. But even as he felt the nagging discomfort inside of him, Bobby simply chalked it off as nervousness, something that he hoped would disappear once he got everything out of his chest. And as soon as they finished talking he could pack up his stuff for the flight tomorrow and finally get some rest.  
  
Little did he know that the night would stretch endlessly, and he wasn't getting that rest he was thinking of.

×××

  
  
It was nearly ten thirty p.m. and Bobby was so close to giving himself up to the call of his bed, pillows, blanket and dreamland. He was tired--all the boost from the energy drink he had consumed before the concert had run its course--and terribly sleepy, and it really wasn't helping to have to listen to Donghyuk already snoring on the other bed. He wished Jinhwan would just inform him if he wasn't coming so that he could stop waiting.  
  
A sigh left his mouth as he got up from the chair he had been sitting on, fully intending to head to his bed and get the sleep he needed. But just as he got one knee on the surface of the bed, he heard a knock on the door.  
  
"Are you kidding me," he groaned, regretting ever complying to what Jinhwan had asked of him. Curses and complaints filled his head as he walked toward the door.  
  
The minute he opened the door and saw who stood behind it, he practically got a heart attack.  
  
Jinhwan was standing with one hand propped on his hip, a smirk stretching on his lips, which, to Bobby's horror, was the same kind of smirk that had given him the ugly hunch earlier. Jinhwan was saying something that went completely ignored because Bobby's attention was wholly elsewhere--at the person standing behind Jinhwan, to be exact.  
  
Junhoe looked entirely awkward, standing groggily with his feet shifting side to side and his hands clasped in front of him. He had a loose fitting white t-shirt and a pair of burgundy pajama pants on. His hair was a damp red mess on top of his head--Bobby was still getting used to how different, how vivid the color was compared to Junhoe's normal black hair.  
  
"What--" Bobby mumbled the moment he found his voice, and even then he couldn't speak a whole sentence right. He looked back and forth between his two late night guests in confusion.  
  
"I figured I should bring Junhoe along," Jinhwan said. Bobby could hear the 'drag him by force' unspoken in Jinhwan's words. "I'd like to be fair and listen to the story from both sides."  
  
Bobby swallowed the lump in his throat with a lot of difficulty, and finally stepped aside to allow both Jinhwan and Junhoe to enter. He closed the door after them, and followed a few feet behind Junhoe into the room.  
  
Donghyuk was awake, sitting up on his bed and blinking owlishly. "Jinhwan-hyung? Junhoe?"  
  
Bobby walked ahead and sat down on the edge of his bed, unable to ignore the bout of nervousness taking over him. He watched quietly as Jinhwan quickly sat beside (a still seemingly confused) Donghyuk, taking as much space as possible with his small body to the point where he almost pushed Donghyuk off the bed. Junhoe stood between the two beds, looking puzzled about where to sit, but then Jinhwan practically kicked him until he fell onto Bobby's bed.  
  
"Sit there and answer my questions," Jinhwan ordered before anyone could protest. "And if I hear you say, 'Nothing happened,' one more time, I am going to shove my hotel slippers into each of your mouths. See if I care if you choke and die."  
  
Bobby knew Jinhwan was not joking despite how silly the threat might have sounded. Junhoe also seemed to take it seriously, too, as he scuttled to sit up a few inches away from Bobby.  
  
Stared at by both Jinhwan and Donghyuk with wide, inquisitive eyes, Bobby couldn't help but feel like he was facing a trial in which he had no idea how to defend himself. A judgment that felt a thousand times more nerve-racking than the final round of Show Me The Money.  
  
He turned to his side, at Junhoe who had his head lowered, lower lip bitten between his teeth. It was so uncharacteristic of him, looking so lost and so speechless. Bobby would have thought of the sight as adorable in a different situation, but at the moment he felt just as lost and speechless. He wished he could offer Junhoe a hand to hold, but he didn't know whether that would ease their minds or make them more nervous instead.  
  
"Okay, first," Jinhwan began, drawing all of their attention to him. "What did you tell Bobby the night I got drunk and kissed you?"  
  
"Oh, so that's why--"  
  
Donghyuk's comment got cut off with a terse 'Shush!' and a hand slapped over his mouth. He fell aside groaning in pain while Bobby looked in horror and pity.  
  
_There's the proof that no one should ever take Jinhwan's threat lightly._  
  
"Um," Junhoe spoke up. His voice sounded faint as if he was talking from miles away. "I already told you I apologized to Bobby-hyung. He was pretty angry at first, and it's understandable because who wouldn't be? I probably would be too if I just told someone I loved them and the next thing I saw was that very person kissing someone else."  
  
Bobby remembered that night very clearly. The anger and pain at seeing Junhoe and Jinhwan kissing (he didn't think he would ever be able to completely erase the memory from his brain), the suffocating urge to both hurt and kiss Junhoe, and the overwhelming passion at the touch of Junhoe's hands and lips on him. He looked to the side and caught Junhoe's gaze just as the younger turned to him. The burst of ' _Oh God, I love you so much, Goo Junhoe_ ' in his head was as instantaneous as the sharp intake of his breath.  
  
Junhoe bit his lip before he turned back toward Jinhwan and Donghyuk.  
  
"I told Bobby-hyung that I was still confused. I didn't know what I felt for him," he said. "I wanted to make sure I wasn't hurting him or lying to him. So I asked him if--if he would wait. At least until I made up my mind. And then, um, we kissed. Again."  
  
"You kissed both Jinhwan-hyung and Bobby-hyung in one night?" Donghyuk screeched, and immediately received another blow from Jinhwan, this time in the form of an elbow to his side.  
  
"I don't think I need to ask what your answer was because I know you will wait for Junhoe even if it takes an entire lifetime," Jinhwan said to Bobby, completely ignoring Donghyuk's cries of agony. "And then, the bathroom. What happened there?"  
  
Bobby felt a wave of prickling heat crawling up his neck as the memory of that night in the bathroom filled his mind. He clenched his eyes shut as images of Junhoe's naked body swarmed his brain. His lips tingled as if he was still kissing Junhoe's neck.  
  
"OH MY GOD, BOBBY-HYUNG, YOU'RE BLUSHING! YOU--"  
  
This time it was Bobby's foot that went straight to Donghyuk's knee. As the younger rolled over, clutching his knee and howling in pain, he turned to Jinhwan.  
  
"We didn't do anything," he said. "We didn't have sex, if that's what you wanted to know. We sort of, um, made out a bit, but that's all. Really."  
  
A brief glance to the side gave Bobby the sight of Junhoe biting his lip, his cheek that was visible from Bobby's point of view looked vivid pink. _Why are you blushing, Junhoe-ya...?_  
  
"Yet," Jinhwan stated. "You didn't have sex _yet_. I think that's what you're trying to say."  
  
Bobby spurted a bout of protests that didn't sound quite comprehensible. It was a little hard to hear himself speak or process what his mouth was speaking when his heart was beating so loud, the quick _thump thump thump_ overpowering every other sound.  
  
"I bet if Hanbin didn't come shouting for you to hurry up, you two would have gone all the way," the mathyung continued stubbornly. "You probably would have fucked Junhoe on the floor of our bathroom."  
  
As a reaction to the explicit, uncensored words that Jinhwan said, Donghyuk squeaked. He was making sounds like something, most likely a mouse, was lodged in his throat and he was trying to cough it out, but he put a hand over his mouth to stop himself from saying a word. He was probably worried that if he made another comment either Jinhwan or Bobby himself would throttle him to the ground. Well, at least that was what Bobby intended to do.  
  
But the intention to maim Donghyuk was not a priority at the moment. Bobby was, in fact, too busy debating against Jinhwan, making sure he got the point across that no, he would not have fucked Junhoe on the floor of their bathroom. No, he had not immediately thought of taking Junhoe's virginity the minute he saw him naked (and-- _what? Did Jinhwan just imply Junhoe is a virgin???_ ). And yes, he did like Junhoe a lot, but to have sex with him was not his goal and, if Jinhwan must know, he would like to wait until Junhoe was fully certain of himself until he did anything too far.  
  
The debate escalated really quickly into a heated argument, in which Bobby was questioning Jinhwan's motive in wanting to know what was supposed to be Bobby and Junhoe's private matter, while Jinhwan was insisting that he was doing all of this for everyone's sake. Bobby thought that Jinhwan was acting like a very nosy gossip media reporter and he was tempted, more than anything, to strangle the mathyung until he stopped talking.  
  
"Are you even listening to yourself?" Bobby griped. "What does my sex life have to do with anything?"  
  
"For one, it definitely has a lot to do with Junhoe's mood," Jinhwan replied just as fiercely. "I can just see this sexual tension between you two that needs to be resolved soon, otherwise Junhoe is going to explode and yes, I'm talking about his _balls_ in particular."  
  
Bobby could hardly believe how their conversation had turned from a seemingly innocent talk into a very inappropriate remark about Junhoe's genitalia. He caught a glimpse of Donghyuk who was watching the back-and-forth banter with his mouth wide open, probably confused, or shocked, or both. It must be disconcerting to have to listen to whatever nonsense was being discussed this late at night.  
  
"Hyung, I don't know what you're trying to do, I honestly don't," Bobby whined, getting terribly desperate to end this argument. "You can't just force us into doing something that we're not ready to do. And it's not as if Junhoe has ever considered to do that with me. You heard what Junhoe said, he asked me to wait--"  
  
"I have."  
  
Junhoe's voice was nearly a whisper but it still shook Bobby's eardrums as if a thunder had just blasted right next to him. Everybody else seemed to be just as surprised as he was at suddenly hearing Junhoe speaking.  
  
Bobby turned to Junhoe, unsure of what he had just heard. "What?"  
  
Junhoe still had his head down, but his eyes were peering up fleetingly from between his cherry red bangs. "I have thought of--of having sex with Bobby-hyung," he repeated.  
  
Bobby stared. First came the confusion, and then, quite a few moments later, the shock. It was the kind of shock he had never felt before, the kind that started small but ended with a bone-rattling bang and left him shaken from head to toe. Across from him, Donghyuk gasped dramatically and made a comment that went completely unnoticed by him, since all of his attention was honed in on Junhoe.  
  
"It's something that I--I couldn't stop thinking about, but I couldn't tell anyone because I was too embarrassed," Junhoe explained in a faint voice, keeping his eyes lowered onto his knees. "After what happened in the bathroom, I, um, I got horny, and when I went to sleep that night, I had a--a--"  
  
"You had a wet dream?" Jinhwan cut to the chase.  
  
Bobby watched Junhoe nodding his head almost imperceptibly.  
  
"You dreamed of having sex with Bobby?" Jinhwan asked for confirmation.  
  
Junhoe nodded again. "I woke up from that dream but it felt so real and I--I couldn't help it--I jerked myself off to the thought of Bobby-hyung and I making love."  
  
Junhoe spoke the last part of his sentence rapidly that Bobby didn't quite catch what he was saying, but once the realization hit him, he nearly collapsed. Heat swarmed his insides as if a balloon filled with hot water had just burst and flooded his organs. _Is this for real...?_  
  
"And it wasn't just that once," Junhoe continued, his voice growing even fainter as he burrowed his face in his hands. "I did it again the night before we flew to Japan, and then again last night when I took a shower after the concert..."  
  
"So that's why you were in the bathroom for two whole hours, I thought you had fallen asleep in the tub," Jinhwan, who happened to be Junhoe's room mate while they were staying in Japan, complained. "And every single time, you were thinking about Bobby?"  
  
For the third time, Junhoe nodded. He was still hiding his face in his hands, and his whole posture made such a pitiful sight that Bobby felt the urge to gather him in his hold and soothe him. But then he thought of what Junhoe had just revealed to everyone, and he froze. His mind drew a blank, not knowing what to do with the information it received.  
  
It seemed that the rest of the occupants of the room were also in a state of shock. Thick and suffocating silence stretched for at least three whole minutes, until someone--Donghyuk--spoke up.  
  
"I'm sorry to have to steer this conversation to the side for a moment, but this is something I've always wanted to ask you for the longest time, Junhoe-ya," he said. "What exactly made you and Bobby-hyung awkward? I mean, you were actually really close during our trainee days. And then you two simply... drifted apart. Why? What happened?"  
  
Junhoe finally lifted his head and Bobby could immediately see how red his face was. He seemed to be taking his moment to contemplate Donghyuk's question.  
  
Bobby himself had gone through this conversation with Donghyuk more than once, and every single time Donghyuk asked him the same question, he would answer he had no idea. He didn't even remember when this awkwardness started. All he knew was, at one point, he and Junhoe had been really close, and then all of a sudden they were just... not. They had stopped talking to each other, stopped hanging out together. It had all just ended without Bobby knowing why.  
  
"I'm not sure how to explain this, but," Junhoe began. "I came to a point where I no longer thought of Bobby-hyung as a fellow trainee and a friend, but as a person to look up to. Someone to admire and to learn from. And--and I don't know how exactly, but this mindset somehow changed the way I behaved around him, even the way I talked to him. Most of the times it felt like he was standing on a higher level than I was. And I just--I stepped back, not realizing I was creating this distance between us."  
  
Donghyuk nodded. "And then you found out that Bobby-hyung was actually in love with you. I bet that made everything a lot more complicated."  
  
"Yes," Junhoe replied. He sounded sad.  
  
"Do you find it upsetting that Bobby-hyung, being a man, is in love with you?"  
  
"No," Junhoe shook his head quickly. "That's not--I don't really have a problem with a man liking me that way."  
  
"So the problem lies in who and not what, is that what you're saying? You feel troubled because it is _Bobby-hyung_ who is in love with you?"  
  
Bobby was prepared to hear Junhoe say 'yes', to know once and for all that his affection was only making Junhoe feel burdened. Years of heartbreaks and disappointments had put him in such a sad place where he couldn't help but undermine himself.  
  
"Yes, in a way," Junhoe said, and Bobby grimaced as something in his chest went _crack_. But then Junhoe continued, "I can't help feeling sorry, because a part of me will always wish we could go back to how we were in the past, you know, joking around and laughing carelessly like we used to. I honestly missed those times. But--but that doesn't mean I regret ever knowing how Bobby-hyung feels for me."  
  
Bobby listened quietly, confusion brewing inside of him. After everything that they had revealed and talked about tonight, he still couldn't tell where this was going. _Does Junhoe like me? Does he not? What does he want?_  
  
"Okay, here's what I think," Donghyuk said after a moment of contemplation. "You said that you were confused, that you didn't know how you felt for Bobby-hyung. That's not true. It seems to me that you're just not being honest to yourself. I don't know why you can't simply look inside of you to find the answers you've been searching for. Are you scared? What are you so scared of? Is it about facing the truth? Or is it about other people's opinions, what they might think of you?"

Junhoe looked like he was thinking hard, probably squeezing his brain for the answers to Donghyuk's questions.

"No, you don't need to tell me the answers, those are the questions you need to answer for _yourself_ , Junhoe-ya," Donghyuk said. "In the end, if you still can't make up your mind, just think of how you will feel if Bobby-hyung completely gives up on you and finds someone else to devote himself to."  
  
Bobby listened to Donghyuk talking in complete awe. Sometimes he forgot how serious and adult-like Donghyuk could be, since nearly 80% of the times they were together were spent bickering and beating each other up. But right here, right now, Donghyuk was giving off an aura of calmness, of careful reasoning and trustable judgment. Bobby couldn't help but to admire him a little bit.  
  
All seriousness and the gravity of the situation were gone in an instant, though, when Jinhwan suddenly opened his mouth and spoke.  
  
"Okay, time to leave these two idiots to themselves to sort things out!" Saying that, the mathyung stood up and grabbed Donghyuk's arm. "Come on, Donghyuk!"  
  
"What?!--But I'm--what??? Where are you--I'm--Hyung, wait! What about my stuff!"  
  
Donghyuk was sputtering non-stop while being dragged by a surprisingly very strong Jinhwan. As they reached the door, Jinhwan stopped for a moment and turned to Bobby and Junhoe.  
  
"Safe sex, kids," he said with a wink. "And try not to be too loud, the walls are kind of thin."  
  
And with that, he opened the door and walked away, Donghyuk trailing helplessly behind him, leaving Bobby in a bewildered daze with a similarly dumbstruck Junhoe sitting beside him on the bed.

 

**× TO BE CONTINUED ×**


	9. 08

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Hi theeere, have you been waiting? 😉  
> \- I just want to say: not all first times are amazing, they're mostly, well, awkward. 😆

**8**

**Junhoe**

 

Once when Junhoe was a little boy and he had been sent home from school, a bruise turning bright purple on his cheek, his mother told him, "Watch what you say, Junhoe-ya. Sometimes words can get you into more troubles than anything else you do." Back then he sulked and refused to talk to his mother, stubbornly thinking it wasn't his fault that the kid he fought with didn't think his jokes were funny and took offense. It wasn't his fault that they started shouting names at each other, and he really was just trying to defend himself when he punched and broke the kid's nose.  
  
It wasn't until he got a little bit older and went through more than a few problems caused by the things he said that he understood what his mother had meant. He realized he needed an automated filter for his mouth so that he didn't accidentally say something that would offend other people or get himself in trouble. This filter, unfortunately, was broken more often than not, and it was proven once again by what he had just said out loud in front of everyone earlier.  
  
_I can't believe I just shared that much information with everyone, what the hell is wrong with me? I'm going to get my lips sewn together, for God's sake._  
  
He had never felt so embarrassed in his life, not even when he fell butt-first while wearing a skirt performing a girl group song on stage, watched by thousands of fans and families. He was so ashamed, he felt like running downstairs, hopping on a taxi to get to the airport, and taking a flight somewhere far, far away from where he was at the moment. Forget their next schedule, to hell with the upcoming release of their new album. All he wanted right now was to disappear from the face of the earth.  
  
Unfortunately, though, he couldn't do that. He didn't know if he could even get to the door without collapsing halfway there. At the moment, his whole body wasn't functioning properly, starting from his muddled brain to his sweaty palms and to his numb legs. Every single nerve fiber in him seemed to be stretched to its limit, making him feel like a gigantic rubber band that was about to snap.  
  
It became even worse every time he remembered that he was left in this room with the very person who had made his life a total chaos for the past few weeks. The very person who had shaken his feelings like the epicentrum of an earthquake. The very person who had invaded his dreams, awoken his thirst, and left him a wandering horny mess.  
  
The sound of the bed creaking in front of him took him by surprise, reminding him of the current situation. With the realization came also the dread, the nerve-racking nervousness. After everything that he had unintentionally divulged, he didn't know how he was supposed to face Bobby.  
  
Before he could do or say anything, he saw a bottle of carbonated drink being offered to him. When he looked up, Bobby was sitting on the bed that had previously been inhabited by Jinhwan and Donghyuk, smiling at him.  
  
"Sorry, I only have soda left," he said, shrugging. "Donghyuk used up the mineral water to make cup ramyeon."  
  
"It's--it's okay, thank you," Junhoe took the bottle from Bobby's hand, trying not to tremble too much when he uncapped it and took a swig of the drink. It wasn't cold anymore, and not-cold carbonated drinks always tasted weird, but he was thankful for the brief intermezzo. He drank what was left in the bottle, put the cap back on, and prayed to every god he knew that he wouldn't burp. It just seemed very inappropriate at the moment.  
  
The awkwardness returned in full force the minute he set the bottle down on the nightstand beside the bed. He tried to rack his brain for some things to say, preferably things that would not cause him further embarrassment, but all he drew was a blank.  
  
It was to be expected, though. _I mean, what are you supposed to say in this kind of situation?_  
  
"So, uh," he started and immediately paused. His voice seemed stuck in his throat, and words were floating in his head, all jumbled and incomprehensible.  
  
A minute or two passed by without any of them saying a word. Somewhere in the middle of the stretched silence, Junhoe briefly wondered if he would ever be able to get some sleep tonight. He was tired, the concert had actually drained a lot of his energy, but somehow his insides felt completely awake, ablaze and buzzing almost like the soda he had just downed.  
  
Junhoe's reverie ended when he heard a huff of awkward laughter.  
  
"It's weird, isn't it?" Bobby said. "After everything we've gone through for the past couple of weeks, we still can't talk to each other."  
  
Listening to what Bobby said, Junhoe smiled as well. It was funny yet sad, thinking how they were still in this ambiguous stage when it came to conversing with each other. The two of them would always hover at this talk-or-not-talk phase whenever they approached one another, not knowing whether it was okay to start up a conversation and what they were supposed to talk about.  
  
_It isn't always like this, though. There was a time when we talked like best friends did. It feels like a long, long time ago._  
  
"I'm sorry, Hyung," Junhoe spoke meekly after a moment.  
  
"Why are you apologizing?"  
  
"It's my fault that we don't talk anymore," Junhoe answered. "I was the one who--who--"  
  
Bobby shook his head, smiling. "Don't worry about it, Junhoe-ya," he said. "It's not as bad as you think. I mean, no, we're not talking as often as we used to, but it's not like we're completely ignoring one another."  
  
"I just thought that we could have avoided a lot of misunderstandings if we had been talking more. Like, when you were angry because of what I said in V-Live."  
  
Bobby laughed, this time with more humor than before. The edges of his eyes crinkled wonderfully.  
  
"God, I was dumb," the older said. "To be angry just because of something so silly--"  
  
"No, you're not dumb, and it's not 'something so silly'," Junhoe disapproved. "I hurt your feelings, so you had every right to be mad at me."  
  
A smile remained in the wake of Bobby's laughter. It stayed there as he looked at Junhoe with so much emotion in his eyes, it seemed to be brimming everywhere. It took form as a warm, bright light that flowed to Bobby's cheeks, to his smile, even to the space between them and the air surrounding them. It felt overwhelming, almost too much, even, but Junhoe tried to maintain eye-contact.  
  
"Bobby-hyung, can I ask you a question?"  
  
Bobby nodded, giving his permission.  
  
"Why do you like me?" he asked timidly. "I just wanted to know. What is it about me that--that made you fall in love with me? I mean, the other members keep saying I'm a huge pain in the butt--"  
  
"You are."  
  
"Hyung!" Junhoe whined. "I'm serious!"  
  
"I'm serious, too," Bobby said, but his grin was as wide as his face. "Goo Junhoe, the noise pollution maker of the group. The guy who keeps getting in trouble. The kid who never knows how to clean his own room--"  
  
Junhoe grabbed the nearest object--a pillow, fortunately for Bobby--and threw it to Bobby's face. Bobby caught it easily and laughed again, the sound tickled Junhoe's eardrums and vibrated all the way to his insides.  
  
"But honestly, it is one of the reasons why," Bobby said once his laughter faded. He shrugged, a thoughtful look on his face. "You are sassy and annoying and distractingly noisy, you make me want to punch you and cuddle you at the same time. You are funny, you are expressive, and a million people must have told you this but you've got the most amazing voice a singer can have, and--and you're beautiful."  
  
Junhoe felt heat blooming at his nape, spreading all the way to his cheeks. He was the one who had asked the question, but now that he was listening to the answer he actually felt embarrassed. The way Bobby spoke about his traits was giving him the shivers--how his eyes shone gently, how a smile barely stretched his lips, and how his voice trembled slightly.  
  
He had heard praises from his fans, some of them saying the same thing Bobby had just said. It felt different, nonetheless. Not to undermine his fans, but they didn't make him feel like his heart was swelling so much it seemed to be bursting through his ribcage. Like he had just hopped on a death-defying roller coaster ride and the cart was stuck on an upside down position, adrenaline flowing in his body and blood filling his head until he felt like he was going to pass out.  
  
It was a baffling feeling. He wasn't sure what to name it.  
  
"Hyung, I know I--I asked you to wait," Junhoe stammered. "And to be honest, I'm still confused and--and maybe scared. Actually, I'm really scared. But I like you, I don't know how much, but I do like you. The problem is, I've never been good at relationships. I've had like two girlfriends in my entire life and they all dumped me after a couple of dates. And what's worse is that I probably deserved it, deserved to be dumped, every single time. I just--I don't know how to--to do this."  
  
This talk about the pathetic history of his love life wasn't exactly his favorite topic, because it made him feel like a failure. Like he had no idea how to treat someone he cared about. Like he didn't understand what love was and how to express it.  
  
Junhoe felt a pang in his heart. _No, actually I really don't know what love is, and how to let people know I love them. All I do is sit and wait, expecting others to understand. How did I become such a loser?_  
  
"Hey, hey."  
  
Junhoe's self pitying moment was cut short when he felt a hand touching his knee, bringing him to the present moment. He just realized he had been wringing his hands so hard his fingertips turned white due to the lack of blood flowing into them.  
  
"Junhoe," Bobby started. "You're not alone in this. I mean, this is a new situation for me, too, so I'm just as scared as you are. But--but I don't think we should be thinking about it too much. The more we think about something we're not familiar with, the more frightened we'll become. So, um, if it's okay with you, let's just--let's just take it easy."  
  
Junhoe felt his heart speed up when Bobby's hand briefly brushed against his. Despite of the fear and concern still massively occupying his brain, all he could think of at the moment was how much he wanted to grab that hand and hold it as tightly as possible.  
  
_Take it easy, he says. How am I supposed to do that?_  
  
"What if--what if I end up hurting you, Hyung?" Junhoe voiced out his fears. "It matters greatly to me because you're someone I really respect, and--and care about _a lot_. If I screw things up, which I most likely will, you might not forgive me. And it's going to be horrible because we will have to move on while we're still seeing each other every day, and we're going to have to pretend nothing is wrong in front of everyone else, and--"  
  
"Junhoe-ya."  
  
Junhoe swallowed down the rest of his sentence, forgetting where he was going with his rambling, when he saw Bobby on his knees on the floor before him. What was more surprising was how easily his own thighs moved aside to make space between them for Bobby to slide in to. The connotation was not lost on him and he could feel his cheeks burning.  
  
"First of all," Bobby said, a soft look in his eyes. "Thank you for telling me how much you respect and care for me. It means a lot to me. Secondly, you worry too much for things that might not even happen. Live in the moment, Junhoe-ya, and at the moment we're okay. We're very much okay. Third--and please take this seriously--you look cute when you're panicking, and I would like to kiss you right now if you would allow me to."  
  
Bobby's hands had made their way to Junhoe's waist and took hold there. They felt warm through Junhoe's t-shirt, the sensation giving him goosebumps. The inside of his head was a whole lot of mess, so all he could do was to nod his approval.  
  
His heart was hammering in his chest as he watched Bobby moved closer. He had to lean forward a little bit to close the distance, but the awkwardness of their positions didn't lessen the eruption of _emotions_ that occurred when their lips met.  
  
It began gently, Bobby's lips touching his with such familiarity and ease that it felt like they had been doing this forever. Despite the tenderness of the kiss, the flurry of chaos inside of Junhoe was escalating in such a horrifying speed. As the kiss deepened, his hands went to the back of Bobby head, fingers curling between his soft, black hair, and he was hanging on for dear life.  
  
Junhoe sighed as he opened his mouth and Bobby's tongue rubbed against his. With his eyes closed, he could see stars bursting into supernovas under his eyelids, and they became brighter as he felt Bobby's hands on his waist moving under his t-shirt and touching the bare skin of his stomach. His sigh instantly turned into a vocal moan and their mouths parted.  
  
He opened his eyes to a pair of dark pupils that were staring at him intensely. Those eyes didn't look elsewhere, didn't even seem to blink while the hands that had been on his waist grabbed the rim of his t-shirt and pulled it up his body.  
  
_Oh God, this is happening, this is really happening, this IS HAPPENING--_  
  
He was breathing hard when the t-shirt was slid off of him and thrown to a random direction. But still, even as his lungs struggled to keep him alive, he grabbed onto the front of Bobby's tie-dye t-shirt and pulled him along as he moved backward. Following him, Bobby climbed up the bed and it shouldn't have looked so hot, but _yes, he looks really hot crawling on all fours like that--wait, oh God, what is happening to my brain??_  
  
Junhoe stopped when his back bumped against the headboard, Bobby pausing an arm-length away in front of him. Junhoe was heaving for breath at the moment, his heart threatening to jump right out of his throat. It would be a miracle if he survived not fainting before anything happened between them.  
  
His eyes caught the sight of Bobby's hands shifting, and followed their movements as they lifted his t-shirt up and off of him. Junhoe couldn't help but stare. Even before this whole fiasco of feelings happened, Junhoe had always admired Bobby's physique. No matter how often he had seen Bobby naked--and often meant nearly-everyday often, including in the changing room backstage and in the apartment--he always found himself doing a double-take every time he saw the skin being exposed. This was an opinion he shared with probably millions of fans, but Bobby's body was really a sight to behold. All sinewy muscles with zero fat (a fact which Junhoe was slightly jealous of--like, where did all those pizza slices and ramyeon go?), soft and fair skin (an entirely shocking juxtaposition with how crude and bad-boyish his attitude was), and stunningly sharp curves (which Junhoe felt compelled to touch both with his hands and mouth-- _Fantastic, I'm going completely insane!_ ).  
  
Bobby threw his t-shirt away, too, sat beside Junhoe, and huffed. "Fuck, I have no idea what I'm doing," he mumbled, grinning awkwardly at Junhoe.  
  
Junhoe looked at him squaredly. "You've never done this before?"  
  
"Not with a man, no," Bobby answered as-a-matter-of-fact-ly. "You are the first guy I've ever got the hots for."  
  
Junhoe blushed, not knowing whether he felt embarrassed to have asked Bobby about his past sex experience, or to be told he was Bobby's first ever man crush.  
  
"I also have never--I mean, not with a man--and even with girls it was kind of--um--"  
  
Junhoe could feel he was beginning to asphyxiate, thinking 'great, we're so done for', but then Bobby's hand went to his cheek, thumb rubbing softly against his cheekbone. Only then did he realize that Bobby was trembling.  
  
"Calm down, if you panic I'm going to panic too and pretty soon we're going to run around the room like idiots," Bobby said, his goofy grin still in place, disguising the look of nervousness in his eyes. "It's just me, Junhoe-ya, it's just you and me."  
  
Bobby ended his 'me' by a soft kiss on Junhoe's lips and just like that, Junhoe felt calmed though very slightly. He knew that, at least, if he did anything dumb tonight, no one was going to laugh at him because the only person he was with was as clueless as he was and would likely do something just as dumb.  
  
"Hyung..."  
  
Bobby's mouth traveled from his lips all the way across his cheek and ended on his neck, peppering him with soft, butterfly kisses. Junhoe couldn't help the moans that came out of him, the skin on his neck that Bobby was kissing felt like on fire.  
  
"Let's just do what makes us both feel good, yes?" Bobby murmured against his skin, sending shivers throughout his body that he was certain Bobby could feel. "Tell me what you want me to do. Tell me--tell me what you imagined when you touched yourself."  
  
Junhoe bit his lower lip as images of the many things he had imagined them doing swarmed his head. No, there was no way he could say any of it out loud. But then Bobby was doing amazing things with his mouth on his neck, sucking and licking and nipping here and there, seeming to be urging Junhoe to speak.  
  
"This--oh!--you were kissing my neck like this," he finally said with a shaky voice. "And--and you were touching me--"  
  
"Where was I touching you? Which part?"  
  
"Oh, God, Hyung, I can't--" Junhoe mewled when he felt Bobby's mouth on the base of his neck. "My--my chest--I don't know--everywhere."  
  
And then, as if following an order, Bobby's hand was touching him practically everywhere. His calloused palm and fingers slid over his chest, brushing against his left nipple and moving downward to his abdomen. Junhoe whimpered and flung his arms, grabbing a hold of Bobby as if he was free-falling and he needed to hang onto something or someone to survive.  
  
Bobby's voice was gruff when he whispered very close to Junhoe's ear, "Too much? Do you want me to stop?"  
  
Junhoe shook his head desperately. He burried his face in Bobby's shoulder and gripped harder, not willing to let go.  
  
_If you ever stop I'm going to jump off the window._  
  
The hand that was not on his stomach held the side of his head and pulled him away from where he'd hidden his face. Once again he was looking into Bobby's eyes, at the black hole that was swirling inside of them, pulling him in with shocking force. And then Bobby kissed him again, a fierce and demanding kiss that took all of his breath away. But what importance was there in breathing when Bobby was kissing him like this? None. None whatsoever.  
  
Their lips parted briefly when, in one swift move that should have ignited Junhoe's defence instinct, Bobby pulled and pushed until he was lying down on the bed. He swallowed a lump in his throat that might or might not have been his beating heart, watching as Bobby settled on top of him. There was no chance for him to assess the situation or question himself because the next thing he knew they were kissing again, and he was clutching onto Bobby's back and pulling him closer, removing what small space that was left between them.  
  
The kiss didn't last very long because then Junhoe had to withdraw in a haste, sucking a shocked breath between his clenched teeth, as Bobby sneaked a hand into the front of his pajama pants. _Too fast, too soon, wait, don't stop, go on, touch me_ \--  
  
"No underwear, Junhoe-ya?" Bobby asked. There was no masking the amusement in his voice.  
  
"I wasn't--I wasn't planning on--oh!" Junhoe tried to reason, which happened to be a massively difficult thing to do while there was a hand mercilessly teasing him. "I was already half asleep in bed when Jinhwan-hyung decided to drag me here."  
  
"Good thing he did, because otherwise we wouldn't be here, doing what we're doing," Bobby said. "Or are you actually having second thoughts now, Junhoe?"  
  
Junhoe looked at the man on top of him in disbelief. "It's not really fair to ask me that while your hand is in my pants, touching my dick."  
  
Bobby giggled shamelessly. "I can stop if that's what you--"  
  
Junhoe didn't let Bobby continue, shutting his mouth effectively with a harsh kiss. A laughter escaped, muffled between their lips and tongues, but very soon Bobby stopped laughing completely and was making a different set of sounds instead. It was when Junhoe ran his hands down Bobby's back, slipped them under the band of Bobby's boxers, and took a firm hold of Bobby's buttocks.  
  
The fact that he was currently groping a grown man's ass (and enjoying it) should have made him pause in shock. He had lived his entire life believing that he would only be dating the opposite sex and that only a female's body could turn him on. And really, no man had ever made him second guess--until once upon a time Bobby kissed him and turned his entire world upside down.  
  
_The things you do to me, Kim Jiwon..._  
  
And the so called Kim Jiwon was now pulling his pajama pants down his hips, exposing his cock to open air. He gasped, a gasp that ended in a high pitched moan that should have made him feel embarrassed had he been thinking straight, but at the moment it was kind of impossible to keep track of his reactions when Bobby was teasing the head of his cock with his thumb. His hands promptly slipped away from Bobby's ass to grab the pillow under his head.  
  
"You were telling me about your imagination," Bobby spoke. "Care to tell me more?"  
  
Junhoe struggled to rack his brain, imagination and reality blending into one in this surreal moment. A scene appeared in his head, but thinking of telling Bobby about it made him reel back in shame. Bobby would never want to do it, anyway.  
  
But then Bobby was kissing a trail down his chest, hands touching where the mouth didn't reach. Junhoe lost it when Bobby dragged his tongue over his right nipple.  
  
"I imagined you, um," he blurted. "S--sucking me--sucking my cock."  
  
Bobby stopped the wonderful things he was doing to Junhoe's chest and sat up, a thoughtful look across his face.  
  
"Honestly," he said after a moment. "I've thought of doing that to you."  
  
"You have?"  
  
"Well, after everything I said this shouldn't come as a big surprise, but you've been the object of my imagination for years. I have thought of doing quite a number of things to you--and with you."  
  
Junhoe couldn't help blushing at the realization that Bobby might have--no, must have gone through desperate nights and masturbated to the thoughts of him, and one of them being himself giving Junhoe a blowjob. It was an oddly flattering notion, and deep inside he was helplessly curious about all the other things that Bobby imagined.  
  
_Next time._  
  
The thought of there was going to be a next time for them to explore their unexplored ideas and imaginations sent a pleasurable shiver down Junhoe's spine. One moment at a time, though, and right now they already had something to focus on.  
  
Junhoe bit his lip hard, maybe a little too hard that it stung, as he watched Bobby slid down his legs. For a few seconds he was just sitting there, eyeing Junhoe's cock until Junhoe felt incredibly uncomfortable. But before he could protest, Bobby spoke up.  
  
"I've never done this before, Junhoe-ya, so I might do really bad. I'm sorry--if it doesn't feel good just say so, okay?"  
  
Bobby's lack of confidence was quite uncharacteristic of him, and the way he spoke was adorable and would have sounded innocent had they been in a different situation. However, the way he hovered over Junhoe's crotch was telling a completely different story. And when he licked the length of Junhoe's cock experimentally, Junhoe no longer cared if Bobby was inexperienced.  
  
A long, drawn out moan escaped his lips as Bobby bravely took the head into his mouth. It soon slipped out with a pop, followed with Bobby saying something in the line of, 'It's not as bad as I thought,' but Junhoe was already teetering on the edge of here-and-gone to comprehend the words. He gasped the next time Bobby took him in again, this time with a little more certainty and dedication, and when Bobby started sucking it became nearly impossible to keep his eyes open.  
  
Junhoe knew he was making the dirtiest sounds he had ever made in his life, but his level of self control was practically zero at this point. The last shred of it was used to hold himself so that he wasn't thrusting up so much into the hot and wet temptation of Bobby's mouth, because somewhere in his lust-hazy mind he still remembered that this was the first time Bobby was doing this and getting choked would not make a good memory.  
  
Junhoe had no experience to compare the moment with (that was how sad his past love life was), but he thought Bobby was doing great. The sight of him--when Junhoe was able to open his eyes and look--bobbing up and down Junhoe's cock was fascinating to say the least, and although he didn't go all the way down, he covered the rest with his hands, moving in rhythm with his mouth.  
  
It didn't take long until Junhoe sensed his orgasm approaching fast. It surely had been a while and--he had to admit it--the fact that it was Bobby doing these things to him probably made him feel twice more turned on than usual. With all the willpower he could muster, he took a handful of Bobby's hair in his hand and pulled.  
  
"Bobby, Bobby-hyung--stop, I'm--"  
  
Bobby retreated just in time before Junhoe came, and he came pretty hard. He groaned, eyes shut tight, as a big wave of his orgasm hit him. It had to be one of the most mind-blowing orgasms he had ever had, and as the wave receded, he came out of it breathless and nearly forgetting what day or even what year it was.  
  
"Woah..."  
  
Bobby's voice brought him back to the room. He opened his eyes to see the older watching him with wide eyes, as if he was mesmerized by the sight. He probably really was, and probably wasn't thinking twice as he dipped the tip of his index finger into the mess that was all over Junhoe's stomach and brought it toward his mouth.  
  
"Wait--!"  
  
Junhoe meant to say it was dirty and that Bobby probably shouldn't do that, but he paused when the finger slipped through between red, swollen and moist lips (Junhoe blushed to think what had made them look like that). The sight was just too hot, too sensual, his protest died away in his brain.  
  
"It really doesn't taste bad--"  
  
Bobby had no chance to finish whatever he was saying because Junhoe couldn't take it anymore and got up in a flash and kissed him. There were teeth against his lips and it should hurt, it _did_ hurt, but he didn't quite give a damn. He kissed harder, deeper, tasting a little bit of his own come in Bobby's mouth. Bobby fell back against the bed with a muffled 'hmph' which turned into a groan when Junhoe pulled his erection out of his boxers.  
  
Junhoe withdrew from the kiss to look down. Again, this should have scared him--the fact that he was holding a hard cock in his hand, and not to mention the size of it. _Holy shit._ Bobby was no doubt more well-endowed than he was, and right now it was jutting proudly between Junhoe's fingers, the tip red and moist. Rather than being scared, though, Junhoe felt thrilled and, yes, quite _proud_ because he knew he was the one who made Bobby so hard and leaking and desperate.  
  
He leaned over again and kissed Bobby, this time gentler and slower, tongue lapping soft licks into Bobby's mouth. In the mean time, his hand started moving, stroking Bobby's length in a gradually increasing rhythm. He was going about it blindly, thinking how it would be good for him because it shouldn't be that much different with Bobby. His thumb dipped into the slit on the tip and Bobby instantly let out a loud moan, whimpering underneath his body.  
  
Junhoe moved his mouth to Bobby's ear and--God only knows where the urge or the courage came from--murmured, "Bobby-ya, next time, _you_ tell me your dreams, the things I did to you in your imaginations. And maybe we can do whatever _you_ want us to do."  
  
He probably should reconsider not using the usual honorifics and even adding an insolent '-ya', but then Bobby reacted deliciously (maybe it was because of the way Junhoe was rubbing the head of his cock-- _anyway_ ). He was breathing hard, his chest heaving right against Junhoe's. And soon, with a breathless moan, Bobby came.  
  
Junhoe watched as thick, white semen spurted from the tip of Bobby's cock, coating Bobby's stomach and his own hands. He experimentally gave a stroke up the length and Bobby practically cried, hips thrusting unconsciously into his hands until the last drop was milked out. And then, as Junhoe let go of his spent cock, he mumbled, "Goo Junhoe, I love you so fucking much."

  
×××

 

Junhoe drew his pajama pants up to cover himself and thanked whatever luck he had that it hadn't suffered any stain. He had seen what Bobby's boxers had looked like and knew they were beyond salvaging. The owner of said boxers was now rummaging through his (already packed up) suitcase for a change, seemingly without a care that he was walking around completely nude. A few minutes and finally Bobby found something to wear, and Junhoe watched while biting his lip as those full and firm buttocks got covered in a blue checkered boxers.  
  
Bobby closed his suitcase with a triumphant 'Haha!' and stood up, walked toward the bed, and plopped right next to Junhoe. And when he pressed a kiss--or, rather, smacked his lips hard against Junhoe's cheek, Junhoe thought his heart leaped into his throat. The older was smiling so brightly, Junhoe felt a little blinded for a second.  
  
He needed to focus, though. Not that he wanted to end this extraordinary night with a less than good notion, but he had to address this thing that had been troubling his mind since the beginning of the night.  
  
He took one deep breath before speaking. "Bobby-hyung."  
  
Bobby's eyebrows rose in amusement. "No more 'Bobby-ya'?" he asked.  
  
"Oh, God, stop it," Junhoe blushed and pushed Bobby's shoulder in embarrassment. The memory of what he said when he used the suffix popped up in his head, making him want to dig a hole on the floor and hide himself in it.  
  
Bobby snickered, sounding completely remorseless. The grin on his face looked so wide and so annoying, Junhoe grabbed the nearest pillow and used it to smack him. It didn't seem to do much good, though. On the contrary, Bobby was laughing even louder.  
  
"Stop laughing, Hyung, I need to ask you something," Junhoe whined, and only then Bobby stopped cackling like a maniac and looked serious all of a sudden. No, scratch that. Actually, Bobby looked downright frightened.  
  
"Oh, no," Bobby mumbled, pupils shaking. "Is this the moment when you tell me that you regret everything that happened and you don't want to see me ever again?"  
  
"What--? No!" Junhoe reached out his hand to grab Bobby's forearm. "No, that's not what I wanted to--Hyung, you're trembling, calm down!"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes, really, I regret nothing," Junhoe said, being completely honest. Despite the massive amount of doubt that he had felt at the start, right now he actually felt elated. He felt good and strangely _happy_ with how things had progressed between them.  
  
A small voice inside of him was telling him that, 'It's called love, Goo Junhoe, you're falling in love,' but he would have to assess the truth behind that in another time.  
  
"I just need to ask," Junhoe repeated once he saw that Bobby was calm enough. "What about the other members--I mean, other than Jinhwan-hyung and Donghyuk? Are we going to let them know?"  
  
What Junhoe didn't say out loud was, 'What if Hanbin-hyung finds out?' There was no denying that he was worried the most about Hanbin's reaction. Junhoe thought of a dozen scenarios in his head where Hanbin discovered what was going on between him and Bobby, and none of them ended well. As their leader, Hanbin certainly would have his own opinions and judgments, especially regarding their image in public.  
  
It was one thing to get involved in a scandal with a female, be it a celebrity or not. But if the news got out that two male members of the same group were dating each other... All hell would break lose.  
  
"Personally, I don't mind," Bobby finally spoke up. "I've always been pretty straightforward about my crush on you, and I honestly thought everyone knew. Well, everyone except you--"  
  
Junhoe's pillow went smack against Bobby's face again. And again.  
  
"--You were so clueless! Have you any idea how frustrated I was? Ouch! Okay, sorry!" Bobby caught the pillow and pulled it from Junhoe's hold. "So, uh. No, I really don't mind our friends knowing. But I won't run around screaming, 'Junhoe is my boyfriend!' if that's what you're worried about."  
  
Junhoe shook his head, trying to no avail to ignore the heat spreading in his cheeks at hearing the word 'boyfriend'. _Is that what we are now? ... Boyfriends?_  
  
"No, it's just that--Hanbin-hyung..."  
  
Bobby seemed to quickly catch what he meant. He nodded, sighing. "I know. He already has too many things to be concerned about. The second he hears about this, he's going to get an aneurysm," he said. "But what do _you_ want to do, Junhoe-ya? If you want to keep this behind closed doors, I completely understand and I will totally respect your wish."  
  
Junhoe bit his lip in contemplation. What did he want to do? Tell everyone or keep it a secret? He knew the pros and cons, the sort of risks he was dealing with. What he didn't know was whether or not he was ready to face them.  
  
His reverie was cut off short when he felt a kiss on the tip of his nose. He found Bobby grinning when his eyes focused back at him.  
  
"It's weird knowing I can do that now," the older said. "Let's not think about this tonight, okay? You're tired, I'm tired. We both need some sleep, otherwise we'll be dead on our feet tomorrow and Jinhwan will notice and give us hell."  
  
Junhoe blinked once, twice, and then closed his eyes as Bobby kissed him, this time on his lips. The sound of their lips brushing against each other somehow calmed the remaining confusion inside of him, and when Bobby nudged him to lie down he complied without any protest.  
  
There were more big decisions to make, but Junhoe knew he needed to take his time. At the moment, as he slipped under the covers and felt Bobby's warm body curled up next to him, he knew that he had already accomplished something huge and important. And for now, this was more than enough.

 

**× TO BE CONTINUED ×**


	10. 09

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- HELLO, PEOPLE OF EARTH. Okay, I'm so so so so sorry that I took longer than usual to update. I'd reason that all the fanmeeting events in Japan had distracted me (because I spent so much time translating the fanreports), but then again it was my own choice. Um. yeah. I'm really sorry.  
> \- Once upon a time there was a legend of the Inkigayo Sandwich, the sandwich that goes around in the backstage area of SBS Inkigayo between one idol to another in the effort to try to get to know each other. (Look it up, they said it's delicious, guys!)  
> \- Bobby was singing Whitney Houston's 'I Will Always Love You' in the bathroom because I imagined he would actually do that.  
> \- Both the Inkigayo performance and the Noryangjin fansign event took place February 18th 2018.  
> \- I have no idea how far it is from SBS Station to Noryangjin. Hahaha  
> \- You know what happened in that fansign event, don't you? Here, let me give you a visual aid:  
> 

**9**

**Bobby**

 

Bobby had been living and experiencing the idol life and everything that it entitled for only three years now. Regardless of the considerably short amount of time, he had heard and was certainly aware of the legendary 'Inkigayo Sandwich'. It was something more of a legend that was shared in iKON's changing room, mostly between the makeup and wardrobe teams and sometimes their managers, too, with iKON members listening in awe. Bobby could tell the excitement and a hint of expectation the members seemed to feel, most of them probably hoping it would happen to them soon.  
  
Personally, Bobby didn't think the phone-number-in-the-sandwich-wrapper method was really effective. He was a man of direct approaches. When he liked someone, he would go straight to that person and tell them how he felt. When he wanted to ask the person's phone number, he would simply ask. This 'Inkigayo Sandwich' way would involve too many people and attract too much attention, and he wasn't sure he was okay with that.  
  
He didn't think he ever needed to be worried about all this sandwich matter, because he knew nobody would want to ask for his number or give their number to him.  
  
That's what he had always thought, until today.  
  
They were on their way off the stage after their performance and were heading toward their changing room. Bobby was in the middle of talking animatedly with Chanwoo about the recent game he was into, Chanwoo arguing about the importance of using some type of attack that Bobby just didn't think would be very effective. Bobby was barely watching where he was going, too absorbed in his conversation with Chanwoo, which was why he nearly tripped on his own foot and fell face-first onto the floor when someone stopped him along the way.  
  
The culprit was a girl, Bobby realized--the minute he could stand upright and was not having a mini heart-attack anymore. She was standing a few feet away from iKON's changing room, with an older woman who was probably her manager right next to her. He recognized the girl as one of the members of a newly debuted girl group that performed a little earlier before iKON on today's show. She was small and cute, with a childish face and big, doe-like eyes. She was still wearing her stage costume, a blue sequin dress and a blue ribbon tied around her ponytail.  
  
In her hands she had a saran-wrapped sandwich, and she was holding it out in Bobby's direction.  
  
"Bobby-oppa," she called out, smiling shyly. "I've been a fan of yours since Show Me The Money. Please accept this."  
  
She then introduced her name but Bobby could barely hear it because his group mates were walking past him, hooting and whistling like idiots. To her credit, though, she didn't back down. She actually looked rather unfazed, although the woman standing next to her looked like she would rather be miles away from where she was currently standing.  
  
"Um," Bobby mumbled, unsure of what to do. There was a weird ringing in his ears that sounded a bit like sirens, but he couldn't tell if it was because of the effect of the amplifier feedback that he had endured on stage, or something else entirely.  
  
"Please accept it, Oppa," the girl said once again. Her smile turned wistful, and she was stretching her arms further toward Bobby.  
  
From somewhere inside the changing room, their manager shouted, "Come on, guys, we've got to get to Noryangjin in an hour!"  
  
Bobby flailed. He turned his head back and forth between the girl and the source of the voice. He ought to hurry. He still had to grab his backpack and phone and headphones and--  
  
"Bobby-oppa," the girl called him again and, not thinking very clearly, Bobby grabbed the sandwich and said his thanks in a rush. Her face lit up and then, with a cheeky grin, she bid her goodbye and was almost literally getting dragged away by the older woman.  
  
Bobby stood on his spot for another minute, staring at the sandwich in his hands with something akin to dread. He was half expecting it to grow a pair of arms and legs and a whole set of sharp teeth. However, the sandwich remained the same, as silent and as harmless as a sandwich should be.  
  
The next minute, he walked into the dressing room and was instantly greeted by overly excited and horribly noisy Yunhyeong and Chanwoo.  
  
"Woooow, our Bobby!" Yunhyeong hooted, patting (more like, slapping) Bobby's shoulder repeatedly. "She's super cute, I actually envy you, man! What's her name?"  
  
"She gave you an Inkigayo sandwich, didn't she?" Chanwoo piped in. "Open it up! Open it up!"  
  
It was complete chaos after that. Both Yunhyeong and Chanwoo were nagging him to show them the sandwich, whether the girl had slipped her phone number somewhere inside the wrapper like in the stories they had heard. It got to the point where Bobby was sorely tempted to just hand them the damn sandwich so that they could check it out for themselves. He had no need of the girl's number anyway--he wasn't about to become that asshole who tried contacting her just to know what it would be like. He just wasn't about to become an asshole, period.  
  
Their small feud was cut off when their manager shouted again for them to hurry and head outside to the cars. At the same time, someone bumped into him quite hard, nearly causing him to drop the sandwich.  
  
Bobby turned, was prepared to give whoever had bumped into him a piece of his mind, but he froze the minute he saw who it was. _Junhoe_. His heart stuttered to a stop when Junhoe strutted away so quickly, not even sparing him one short glance. He could only watch Junhoe and his broad shoulders, stiff and unwelcoming, going further and further away toward the door.  
  
The siren-like noises in his head returned, and now he knew he was hearing an alarm in his head. Alarms usually indicated something bad and dangerous was looming up ahead, and in this case 'something bad and dangerous' was otherwise spelled Goo Junhoe.  
  
Bobby stared at the exit door, feeling lost. The sandwich in his hands felt like it weighed a thousand kilograms and it was crushing his nerves and bones.

×××

  
  
Bobby was fidgeting by the door, alone in the alleyway, feeling horribly restless. He was finished with his makeup and hair touch up and was now trying to distract himself before the event started. It wasn't going smoothly, though. No matter what he did he couldn't take his mind off of the problem, be it playing games on his phone, talking to the manager, or bullying Donghyuk. None of it worked. He was still, utterly and thoroughly, confused.  
  
He was hoping that he could steal a chance to talk to Junhoe on their way from SBS Studio to the fansign venue in Noryangjin, but that hope was instantly crushed the minute he saw Junhoe getting on a different car. This shying-away continued all the way to the dressing room at the venue, where Junhoe resolutely kept standing or sitting as far away as possible from Bobby. He didn't even bother to pretend he wasn't doing it on purpose, which made it even more obvious that he was angry or, at the very least, upset.  
  
_I knew I shouldn't have received that damn sandwich._  
  
At this point, Bobby was no longer aware of the sandwich's whereabouts, neither did he want to know. The last time he saw it was when he gave it to Yunhyeong, who received it with a mixture of surprise and excitement. Yunhyeong would have opened the wrapping by now, if not to eat the sandwich then to check whether or not there really was a phone number inside of it. If there was, then there would be a girl waiting somewhere for a phone call and/or text message from him that, quite unfortunately, would never come.  
  
But Junhoe didn't know that, did he? He probably thought that Bobby had already contacted that girl.  
  
_Junhoe is jealous._  
  
Amid his confusion, the thought undeniably made him feel slightly exhilarated. Wasn't he being a little conceited thinking that Junhoe was jealous because of what happened earlier? Maybe. Maybe he was, but then what else could it be? They had been fine last night and this morning up until their performance at Inkigayo. Actually, they had been more than fine, he dared say, recalling how beautifully Junhoe had writhed against him under the sheets in his bedroom last night.  
  
He probably shouldn't be thinking about that right now, not when his nerves were already as tense as they were. If only he could just talk to Junhoe and tell him that nothing happened and he didn't have anything to be worried about. The problem was how he was supposed to talk to him if the person in question wouldn't even come any closer than a 10 meter radius.   
  
_'Great_ ,' Bobby thought. They had only been together (Bobby was still having shivers down his spine whenever he thought that they were together) for a month or so, quite short in terms of a relationship. And yet, here he was, already in trouble and making Junhoe mad at him. He was probably breaking records left and right, but this was an achievement he wasn't exactly proud of.  
  
His restlessness was nowhere close to the end when the rest of the members finally exited the dressing room along with their manager and a few of the staff. Bobby shuffled along with the group, his eyes following Junhoe who was walking a few feet ahead. His heart was beating frantically, painfully inside his chest.

 _I have to talk to him I have to talk to him I have to talk to--_  
  
"Junhoe-ya."

Bobby shocked himself when he found his fingers clutched around Junhoe's forearm. He quickly let it go when he saw the look on Junhoe's face.  
  
"Junhoe, let me say something, please," Bobby tried again, pacing a little faster to match Junhoe's brisk steps. "Is this about the sandwich? Are you angry because of that girl giving me a sandwich?"  
  
Junhoe didn't say anything but by the way his jaws tightened Bobby knew he hit the right spot. With all the bravery he could muster, which honestly wasn't a lot at this moment, Bobby grabbed Junhoe's arm again. There was no sign of resistance, but that didn't mean Bobby would have it easy. He  _knew_  he wouldn't have it easy, not with Junhoe.  
  
"I'm sorry if I made you upset," he pushed ahead, lowering his voice because Hanbin and their manager were not that far away. "I didn't reject the sandwich because I panicked and I didn't know what I was going to say to that girl. But I didn't keep it, not the sandwich, not the number--I don't even know if there really was a phone number in the sandwich because I never opened it. I had no intention, none whatsoever, to contact her. Okay? I have no interest to do that."  
  
"You can give her a call if you want, I don't care," Junhoe finally spoke up, his voice as sharp as barbwire.  
  
"Junhoe, listen, you really have no reason to be jealous--"  
  
"What--I am _not_ jealous!"  
  
Junhoe pulled his arm away and turned around so swiftly and so suddenly Bobby wondered if he didn't suffer from a whiplash. The look on his face was almost comical, furrowed eyebrows, narrowed eyes and hard-set mouth. If they had been in a different situation, Bobby would have found Junhoe's reaction to be adorable and endearing. At the moment, though, looking at that expression Junhoe was wearing on his face only made him feel on edge.  
  
"Okay, fine, you're _not_ jealous," Bobby tried to appease the younger.  
  
They were quickly drawing closer to the curtain at the end of the alleyway and the stage right behind it. He could hear the chatter of the fans getting louder and louder. Bobby was getting desperate.  
  
"Junhoe," Bobby gripped Junhoe's elbow, pulling them both to a stop. "I do _not_ have any intention to approach that girl or _anyone_ else. No one else but you. Okay?"  
  
He looked around, checking the perimeter, and then took one step closer to Junhoe.  
  
"I'll kiss you right here, right now if that's what it takes to prove it to you," he murmured. Junhoe's face instantly turned bright red which, Bobby hoped, was a sign that he was embarrassed rather than angry.  
  
Their moment was interrupted when their manager rushed them ahead toward the side of the stage. The rest of the group was already standing behind the curtain, waiting for their turns to enter the stage. Bobby caught sight of Jinhwan a few steps ahead of him. The mathyung's eyes flitted between him and Junhoe, as if assessing what was happening. There was a glint in those eyes that Bobby wasn't sure he liked.  
  
"Okay, Donghyuk can go ahead. Chanwoo and Yunhyeong, you two go right after," the manager began assigning them.  
  
The first three members did as told and entered the stage. They were welcomed by a choir of cheering from the fans.  
  
"And then--"  
  
"Bobby and Junhoe should go together, holding hands," Jinhwan cut in. The glint in his eyes seemed to become even clearer.  
  
Bobby felt as if someone had just showered his back with cold water. He automatically turned to check Junhoe's reaction, and saw that the younger was just as shocked as he was.  
  
"Why should we--"  
  
"Come on, the fans will love it!" Jinhwan insisted.  
  
Bobby turned to Junhoe once again. Their eyes met, and Bobby suddenly felt the urge to be reckless.  
  
"Okay," he said, surprising everyone including himself. "Come on, Junhoe-ya."  
  
He didn't wait for Junhoe to answer (the younger was standing stiffly with wide eyes and wide mouth) and hurried to his side. Ignoring his insanely throbbing heart, he slipped his hand under Junhoe's left arm and grabbed a hold there. He felt so conscious of everyone's eyes on him and Junhoe, but he tried his best to smile his nervousness away.  
  
He waited until Jinhwan (who looked so shocked he probably hadn't expected Bobby to take the challenge) entered the stage, dragging their manager with him. And then, sparing one last glance at Junhoe's direction, he began walking. He felt Junhoe walking along beside him, and they entered the stage like that, Bobby's hand clutching onto Junhoe's arm.  
  
The crowd, as expected, went _insane_. He waved at them, and immediately the screaming rose up a few notch, vibrating through the air all around the room.  
  
At the edge of his vision, he saw Junhoe was smiling. Shy and bright and gorgeous. _And mine. All mine._  
  
He smiled as well, inevitably. The tips of his fingers and toes felt ice-cold, but the rest of his body felt warm--almost bubbling hot. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins like jet streams. His legs were shaky, but somehow they made the journey.  
  
Nearing the long table, Bobby finally, quite regrettably, let go of Junhoe's arm. He pulled Junhoe's chair back and gestured for him to sit. Junhoe bowed at him quite comically, and Bobby left him to go to his own seat.  
  
As Hanbin gave his cue for group intro, Bobby looked at the crowd, at the excited faces and shining eyes, and thought randomly that this felt almost like he had just announced his marriage with Junhoe to them.

 

×××

  
  
Bobby was in the middle of belting out a high note, the song he was singing coming to its magnificent climax. He sounded really good, and for a second he thought he ought to record it, but then he remembered that everyone sounded as good as Beyoncé in the bathroom. He neglected the thought and continued singing a different song.  
  
Water ran down his head to his back and onto the floor, taking along suds and shampoo bubbles with it. The warmth was making him feel relaxed, taking away some of the tension in his muscles. If he could just have a large pan of pizza after this, it would be perfect.  
  
"And I-I-I-AIIIYYEEEEEEAAYYYY will always love--"  
  
The refrain part got cut off--his legs loosing their balance, nearly tripping and putting an end to the history of Kim Jiwon a.k.a Bobby, when someone practically ambushed him from behind. The same someone grabbed him and turned him around by force. He blinked, trying to see through the water that was getting into his eyes. But before his sight cleared up, the person's lips captured his, kissing him mercilessly.  
  
The questions (of, "Who the hell are you? What are you doing? Do you wish to die?") that were about to leave his mouth died away instantly when he recognized the lips that were pressing against his. Lips that, after a number of days, had become familiar to him. _Junhoe_. A wave of warmth filled him so instantly and so thoroughly, and it felt even warmer than the water that was spraying at him from above.  
  
He kissed back immediately, responding with the same passion, grunting when the back of his head hit the wall. He didn't say a word to protest although his head throbbed a little. With his hands grabbing wherever he could reach, he welcomed the firm, hot body that was pressing against him.  
  
"Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?" Bobby asked breathlessly when they pulled apart.  
  
Junhoe--gorgeous, lovely, naked, dripping wet Junhoe--shrugged. "That depends," he said. "Depends on what you thought of that girl who gave you the sandwich."  
  
"So you _are_ jealous, then."  
  
"Shut up, Hyung, I'm not jealous," Junhoe insisted. "I just want to know what you thought--"  
  
Bobby kissed him, not caring about the rest of what Junhoe intended to say. He placed one hand on the side of Junhoe's neck and the other on Junhoe's waist, sliding all the way to the back. He deepened the kiss and, at the same time, grabbed a handful of Junhoe's left buttock and squeezed.  
  
"I didn't think anything of her," Bobby finally said, moving his lips toward the stretched expanse of Junhoe's neck. "She was young and cute, but she's not my type."  
  
Junhoe hummed, pressing himself against Bobby even closer. "Then what is your type?"  
  
"My type is more of the, uh, tall, handsome and stubborn sort of a person. You know, the type of person who is clearly jealous but won't admit he's jealous," Bobby said cheekily, and laughed when he saw Junhoe's face reddening.  
  
"I'm not--"  
  
"But, honestly," Bobby withdrew, staring in awe at the wondrous creature who was standing in front of him. _How did I get so lucky?_ "After all the trouble I went through to get you, Goo Junhoe, I'm not going to jeopardize everything for someone I don't even have interest in. You're all I ever want."  
  
Junhoe seemed to grow a deeper shade of red right before his eyes, but before he could make a comment about that, the younger kissed him again. It was slow and sensuous this time, the kind of kiss with lips pressing and tongues rubbing deeply. The kind of kiss that always sent a pleasurable shiver down his back and a rush of blood to his cock. He could easily tell Junhoe was feeling the same by the desperate movements of his hands everywhere on his skin and, of course, by the hardness that was beginning to blossom between their bodies.  
  
Maybe it was the location that was much of a reminiscence of an almost similar event happening not too long ago, but his brain randomly recalled a comment Jinhwan made. _"You probably would have fucked Junhoe on the floor of our bathroom."_ No matter how rude the comment was and no matter how nosy Jinhwan was in this whole matter involving him and Junhoe, he couldn't deny that the idea of doing it with Junhoe in the bathroom was really tempting.  
  
Not that he knew what to do.  
  
He had been trying not to feel too pressured by the fact that he had never had penetration sex with a man before, but it was getting more difficult every single day he spent with Junhoe. Junhoe was simply irresistible and, as a lover, he was so reactive and beautiful that all Bobby wanted was to lock themselves in his room and be naked together for as long as it took until they both passed out.  
  
But had they reached that final stage? No. They had come close a number of times, but every single time Bobby had always retreated, too paralyzed by the thought of _'OH SHIT, WHAT DO I DO NOW???'_ to continue.  
  
He probably should try doing research, though he had no idea where to start. Some gay porn might be useful.  
  
"Mm, Bobby--"  
  
Junhoe's voice brought him back to the present moment, and his knees nearly buckled when he felt the younger's body undulating against him. Their lips interlocked again sloppily while Junhoe's hand roamed down his chest to his throbbing cock, his own hand squeezing Junhoe's ass again in response.  
  
And then he felt Junhoe's other hand grabbing his wrist, guiding his hand lower to the cleft between his butt cheeks.  
  
Bobby pulled back, eyes wide open, looking at his lover. Junhoe was a mess, panting and red-faced and just so, so wonderful, and there was determination in his eyes that shook Bobby to his bones.  
  
"Touch me there, Bobby-ya," Junhoe whispered, his voice hoarse. "I want to know what it really feels like."  
  
They were chest to chest now, and Bobby could feel their hearts beating against each other in quick, probably unhealthy rhythm. All Bobby could do was try to keep breathing as Junhoe brought his hand even lower. His fingers spread seemingly on their own accord, his middle finger dipping and finding Junhoe's most private part.  
  
At this point, Junhoe was practically hyperventilating. He buried his face in Bobby's shoulder, breath hot against his skin. For a moment Bobby was partially worried that Junhoe would collapse, but the way those hips moved, back and forth, seemed to be saying that he would be okay. _'Maybe more than okay,'_ Bobby mused, feeling Junhoe's hard-on poking his stomach.  
  
Bobby continued fingering the outer rim of Junhoe's hole. It made him tremble to think of the very near future where his cock would be inside of Junhoe, if Junhoe would let him, and they would finally be conjoined in the most physical sense of the word. His cock twitched at the thought, and he groaned.  
  
He pulled Junhoe's head up from its hiding place and captured those lips in another messy kiss. He could feel and taste Junhoe gasping into his mouth as he experimentally pressed the tip of his finger into the hole.  
  
"You guys should hurry, Yunhyeong cooked some really awesome--holy FUCK!"  
  
Bobby froze, heart stopping in his chest. He didn't really have to look to see who it was (he could recognize that voice anytime, anywhere), but he turned to look anyway, and instantly wished he could vanish into thin air.  
  
Hanbin was standing stock still right behind the clear glass partition, eyes as round as saucers and mouth slightly open. There was no mistaking that he had seen them. And there was no mistaking either that Bobby was now in big trouble, probably the biggest trouble in his life.

 

**× TO BE CONTINUED ×**


	11. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Finally. We've reached the end.  
> \- Sorry that it took a while to update this chapter because, honestly, I already wrote the first draft and then when I went over it, I didn't feel satisfied with it. So I set that aside and wrote another draft from scratch.  
> \- I would like to say thank you to everyone who has been reading, commenting, liking/leaving kudos, and waiting for the updates of this story. It's been a fascinating journey, and I'm glad you guys have been there along the way.  
> \- I would also like to say thank you to Junhoe and Bobby (Junbob) for being so amusingly awkward and for becoming the constant source of inspiration (who needs fanfic writers when Junbob write their own angst, right?).  
> \- Thanks again, and see you in a different story!

**10**

**Junhoe**

 

Junhoe was sitting on the edge of the sofa, listening to the clock ticking nearby. It was otherwise silent in the living room, nobody had said anything just yet. Time had passed awkwardly between the three of them and the room seemed to be getting stuffier and stuffier, until he felt like he was breathing through smog. He was beginning to wonder if it would have been better if Jinhwan and Donghyuk had stayed, but then Hanbin had sent them upstairs. Maybe if Jinhwan and Donghyuk had been here, the conversation would have begun a while ago.

Left to his own devices, Junhoe wished he could read Hanbin's mind at the moment. The leader had been sitting down there on the floor, staring at them quietly and eerily for at least thirty minutes now. His face was unreadable. Nothing was giving away what he was feeling. Was he angry? Furious beyond words? Or amused? Junhoe really couldn't tell.

In the stretching silence, his mind began to wander and he couldn't stop himself before plunging into the deep and dark recesses of his worries. He remembered bringing up the 'What if Hanbin finds out?' topic for what had seemed to be the hundredth time in the private moments he and Bobby had shared. They had both agreed to tell Hanbin, but had never come to a definite conclusion about the when or how.

One thing's for sure, though, within the many how's they had talked about, there had not been a 'give Hanbin an eyeful of our intimate life' in the list.

Junhoe had spent some time feeling thoroughly embarrassed right after Hanbin had caught them in the act. It was nearly the worst feeling he had ever felt his whole life, and he had actually thought that he would never be able to look at Hanbin in the eyes again for as long as he lived. The shame had lasted for about an hour, and then it had been replaced by anxiety. A full blown, nerve-racking _distress_.

Junhoe wasn't particularly afraid that Hanbin would be angry, no, although that in itself already made him feel horrible. As he had experienced (maybe too many times) before, Hanbin's anger was quick to flare but quick to cool down as well. Hanbin's disappointment, though, that was another case. To experience Hanbin's disappointment was to be made to feel like you were the lowest, most unworthy scumbag in the entire universe.

Junhoe wasn't proud to say that he had experienced Hanbin's disappointment a couple of times in his life. He wasn't excited to experience it again, but unfortunately with the way things looked at the moment, it was exactly what was going to happen.

Deciding that he ought to just get it over with, Junhoe finally spoke up. "Hanbin-hyung, I'm sorry."

"Huh?" Hanbin looked as if he had just woken up from a trance. It threw Junhoe off balance a bit, because he had prepared himself for a yelling or at least a very angry retort.

"I'm sorry, you know, for what happened earlier," Junhoe repeated slowly, eyeing Hanbin's expression. It was scary that the leader didn't actually look mad. If anything, he actually looked... _amused_?

"Oh, that, yeah, sure," Hanbin shrugged, replying almost half-heartedly.

Junhoe was starting to feel worried that Hanbin was not quite right in the head. He suspected it was the trauma that was caused by what he had seen in the bathroom. _Did we break him? What if he stops functioning? Do we need to replace iKON's leader? We're doomed._

And then, as if confirming his concerns, he heard Hanbin scoff. It was as surprising as hearing a thunder rumbling in broad, cloudless daylight. He looked at the leader with wide eyes, silently worrying that he would soon start cackling like a maniac.

To Junhoe's relief, Hanbin didn't cackle. Instead, he was tilting his head and smiling a crooked smile as if the whole thing was super entertaining.

"I have like a million questions in my head, but the one thing I really want to ask is," Hanbin said. "Since when?"

This time, it was Junhoe's turn to ask dumbly, "Huh?"

Hanbin's smile grew wider. "Since when have you been together?"

"December," Bobby answered.

Junhoe whipped his head to his left to look at Bobby. He had been too preoccupied with his own thoughts and with watching Hanbin to take notice of what Bobby had been doing. Apparently, said person had not been doing much except sitting back and looking relaxed.

While Junhoe glared at Bobby, wondering quietly why Bobby didn't evem seem half as distressed as he was, Hanbin scoffed again. The sound brought Junhoe's attention back to him, and he saw the leader shaking his head from side to side.

"I assume Jinhwan and Donghyuk already knew about you two," he guessed quite accurately. "Were you planning to tell me at all?"

"We intended to--" Junhoe answered at the same time Bobby said, "You knew, though, didn't you?"

Hanbin shrugged. "No more than a hunch. I thought something was a little weird. You guys haven't been very subtle, especially you, Junhoe-ya."

Junhoe looked at Hanbin, feeling scandalized and, yes, quite worried that he had been at fault for unintentionally informing people about his relationship with Bobby. "What--what do you mean?"

"It's just the way you reacted to Bobby-hyung," Hanbin said. "Hyperbolically speaking, you used to flinch when Bobby-hyung touched you. But now, instead of flinching, you lean into his touch. You also smile a whole lot more whenever Bobby-hyung is nearby."

Hanbin had always been a naturally observant guy, which was a very valuable trait for someone whose job was to lead a group of men with very different personalities. It was a fact that Junhoe had always been aware of. What he didn't know was that Hanbin would notice everything right down to these microscopic little details.

It made him wonder just how transparent he had been lately. Maybe it was just inevitable. It wasn't like he could even predict, let alone prevent his subconscious reactions toward Bobby and everything he did to him.

"We have been planning to tell you," Bobby said, gracefully saving Junhoe. "We often talked about how and when to tell you, actually. But we saw how busy you were, especially with our new album release and our schedule and everything. We thought you would have enough to worry about in your head."

"How did Jinhwan and Donghyuk find out? Did they catch you having a go at it somewhere in the dorm too like I did?"

Junhoe brought his hands up to cover his face. This was one embarrassment he knew he would forever haunt him until the day he died. He heard Bobby clearing his throat awkwardly, but he remained hiding behind his hands, hoping the earth would open up soon and swallow him whole.

_Yeah, well, whose fault is it? Who was the idiot who forgot to lock the damn door?_

"Uh, no," Bobby replied. "They knew from way before. They are the ones who basically helped us get together."

What Bobby meant to say was probably, _'They are the ones who forced us--with the use of extreme violence and the threat of painful death--to resolve our problem'_ , but he had abbreviated it. Quite wisely, Junhoe thought, because if Jinhwan ever heard him saying that, the world would have to kiss goodbye to the legend named Kim Jiwon a.k.a Bobby of iKON.

However, Junhoe shouldn't complain about Jinhwan's ruthless matchmaking method, not now when he knew how it felt like to be--should he say, Bobby's _boyfriend_? Thinking of the title still made him blush crazily even now, a month-or-so since the day they started hooking up. Regardless of how embarrassing the title was to him, the relationship itself made him feel good. He liked every aspect of it: the knowledge that he now had a person close to his heart, the reacquainting of each others' likes and dislikes and, most of all, the intimacy.

It had been a while since Junhoe had felt this way. He couldn't even remember when was the last time he had opened his heart and allowed someone to walk into it. It had been a dark and dingy place, a spot inside of him that he had kept hidden from other people's view. But then Bobby and this whole chaos had happened and, all of a sudden, that place was no longer dark and dingy, but bright and warm and full of something so wonderful, something he could not yet put a name on.

Junhoe was pulled aside from his musing when he heard Hanbin sigh. His anxiety instantly returned when he saw Hanbin looking a lot less amused than a few minutes ago.

"Look, guys," the leader began. "As a friend, honestly, I'm happy as long as you are happy. And you guys do look happy. But then I am also your leader, and I have a leader's responsibilities to uphold."

Junhoe felt his insides freeze in sudden horror. _Is this the part where Hanbin tells us to break up...?_

"As a leader, you know I can't approve of your relationship. This is a huge scandal material, one that will cause a worldwide controversy if it ever gets out. All it takes is one reckless mistake and it's over. What's worse is that it will take the whole team with it. Everything that we have strived for together. All gone."

There was nothing that could have prepared Junhoe for the wave of guilt that suddenly flooded every single part of him. It felt horrible and nauseating, and the worst thing was he couldn't even pretend he hadn't thought of that possibility before. He had, actually, more than once. But it was one of those thoughts that scared him too much that his brain had probably opted to balk from it, creating distractions that had kept him well away from seriously assessing the possibility.

_Denial at its best. Well done, brain. And by 'well done' I actually meant, 'you suck'._

But honestly, it really was a scary thought. Just thinking about the notion of him being the reason why iKON was receiving hate was making him feel sick, so sick he wanted to throw up. He never intended to be selfish, not with this relationship with Bobby, not with anything, really. iKON would always come first, but sometimes he needed some space for himself and his heart, too. It was just too bad that what his heart needed and what his job required him to do seemed to be two different worlds that clashed against each other.

He wanted to stomp his foot on the ground, whining, _'This is not fair!'_ but he knew that would do no good. The entire universe out there was not a fair place.

Hanbin eyed him and Bobby somberly. "In a couple of days we will start shooting iKON TV, and by then the dorms will be littered with cameras. There will be staff members, wardrobe and makeup teams, writers and producers running around filming us. That slip up you did today? It will end up very differently the next time it happens and someone else walks in on you."

Junhoe couldn't help but think of a couple of days ago when they attended the early briefing for iKON TV. He remembered feeling so excited, already devising plans of what he wanted to do when he took up the PD baton. Now, though, listening to Hanbin laying out all of these ugly possibilities, he was feeling terrified instead.

Imagine sneaking into Bobby's room to steal a goodnight kiss, and unknowingly getting that recorded in a video.

Hanbin took a deep, heavy breath before continuing. Junhoe was already feeling awful, but what Hanbin said next made him feel even more horrible.

"I'm sorry to have to be so honest, but all I see in front of you is a short and rocky road. Do you really believe you will live happily ever after and the rest of the world will simply accept that? Do you actually think you can go out, go on a date like other couples do, hold hands and kiss and expect people to be okay with that? Reality is not that wonderful."

_No. Reality is where people judge and point their fingers at us. Reality is where we get hurt from carelessly spoken words and no one is going to apologize for that._

"Now," Hanbin concluded. "You know all the risks, what's at stake. You know what kind of hardship you will have to face if you decide to go on. What I need to know is: do you really think it's worth all the trouble? If you can't even answer that with certainty, if you have just the smallest doubt in your heart, then I'm going to ask you to end this, right here, right now."

_This really is the part where he tells us to break up._

It seemed ridiculous how fast his heart went into a revolt at hearing Hanbin's suggestion. _End this? After everything we've been through? After finally arriving at this point where I actually feel happy?_

"No," he blurted before he could stop himself.

He could feel both Hanbin and Bobby eyeing him in surprise, but he resolutely kept his gaze on the floor.

"No," he repeated with more conviction. "No, I don't want to end this. I don't want to break up with Bobby-hyung. Yes, I know there are tons of risks that we need to face, including the danger of ruining our team and everything that we've spent years working so hard for. Yes, this--this thing between us might not last for a long, long time. We might someday get into a fight or get bored of each other. We might also get caught by other people, the manager, the staff, or maybe even the boss--"

Someone made a hiccup-like sound at the mention of the boss, most likely Hanbin, but Junhoe ignored it and barrelled through.

"--and yes, that will get us into the biggest mess in our lives. And yes, there seems to be more downsides in this than the benefits, like the fact that we can't do things that other couples can do. We might never be able to go out on dates or hold hands in public. We will never be able to get married--"

This time it was Bobby who squeaked but, again, Junhoe kept on going.

"--and I'm not going to lie and tell you that I'm not scared, because I am. I'm actually _horrified_. So, is it worth all that trouble? Is this relationship worth facing all those risks?"

Junhoe paused for a moment, took a deep breath, and finally looked up. He immediately locked eyes with Hanbin.

"My answer is _yes_ ," he told the leader. "Yes, it's worth every damn risk. You said that the rest of the world would never accept us being together. I don't care. I don't need the rest of the world to validate us. Am I being selfish by saying this? Maybe. But for once in my life I am in love--"

Bobby began to sound like he was asphyxiating.

"--and this is probably the _biggest_ achievement I have ever accomplished, because I used to be that idiot who couldn't even recognize his own feelings and needed other people to tell him what's what. I've been through a lot just to learn how to never take anything for granted. You asked me if I had doubts. Of course I do. I think I'm going to have doubts every single day until the day I die. But right now, if there is one thing I am completely sure of, is that I love Bobby-hyung. I'm in love with him and I will do whatever it takes, even playing hide and seek for the rest of my life, if it means I get to be with him for as long as possible."

The second he finished talking, the living room was dead silent save for the ticking of the clock on the wall nearby and the sound of his own quick breathing. He blinked, realizing Hanbin was staring at him with apparent shock on his face, eyes and mouth wide open. And then he turned to his left, and found Bobby looked even more shocked, hands covering his mouth and eyebrows arching so high up on his forehead they seemed to be disappearing under his hairline.

Junhoe backtracked a bit, reviewing every single thing he had just said, and he promptly blushed. "Um--"

He intended to explain himself--that his brain-to-mouth filter was broken once again, that he didn't mean to divulge too much information--but he didn't have the chance to because all of a sudden, a big, muscled human being that went by the name of Bobby lunged at him and crushed him in a tight hug. He fell back against the sofa, legs dangling over the edge, and tried to breathe while Bobby wiggled to-and-fro on top of him.

Bobby was speaking-- _screeching_ into his ear, "You love me you love me oh my God GOO JUNHOE LOVES ME--"

As if trying to make Junhoe partially deaf wasn't enough, Bobby then proceeded to smack his lips everywhere on his face. The sounds he was making were so obnoxiously loud, Junhoe couldn't help but to complain.

"Hyung, um, you do realize Hanbin-hyung is still here?"

"Hanbin, go away," was all Bobby said before he continued kissing Junhoe, this time leading toward the danger zone a.k.a his neck. The second Bobby bit that certain spot on the junction between his neck and his shoulder, he gasped and squirmed. Somewhere down there on the floor, Hanbin groaned.

"I hate you both," the leader mumbled, and by the sound of fabric rustling he seemed to be standing up. "I'm going to make your future recording sessions literal hell on earth, I promise you that."

Junhoe thought of a few things to say in response to Hanbin's threat (one of them being, _'Are you saying our past recording sessions have NOT already been hell on earth?!'_ ), but none of those things ever made it out of his mouth. Bobby was effectively silencing him with his lips, kissing him thoroughly and passionately. He heard the sound of Hanbin's footsteps growing fainter, followed by the sound of the front door opening and closing, but didn't think much of it. He didn't think of Hanbin, of the threat he made, or of anything else, really. His head was filled with Bobby, Bobby's kisses, and the feel of Bobby's body pressing down on him.

Junhoe was practically panting when Bobby finally withdrew, but he didn't go too far. He propped himself with his arms on the left and right sides of Junhoe's head. His face hovered a few inches above Junhoe's, his smile gentle and his eyes soft, so soft Junhoe felt like he was staring into the skies just after dusk, when the sun had just set and the stars were only starting to appear, twinkling in between the purplish clouds.

"Say it again," Bobby murmured, booping his nose against Junhoe's.

"Say what?"

But even as he played dumb, his heart was thumping quickly in his chest. Every nerve in him seemed to be pushing him to just _say it, say it, SAY IT!_

"That you love me."

Fact was, in the entire month-or-so they had been together, Junhoe had not yet said the L word (despite the countless amount of times Bobby said it to him). He wasn't sure why. It could have been his latent cowardice that never seemed to leave him alone. It could have been that he hadn't found the right moment. Or, it could have been the confusion at not recognizing this massive, overwhelming feeling inside of him, mistaking it as anything else but love.

Anyway, no, he hadn't told Bobby he loved him. But today, he wanted to change that situation. That right moment he had been waiting for? It was right now. That expansive, all-consuming feeling he felt? It was love. The purest, most extraordinary form of love he had ever felt in his entire life.

He felt his heart shudder when he leaned up for a brief, soft kiss. And then, finally, he said the words: "I love you, Jiwonie."

Bobby giggled, his eyes turning into crescents. "Again."

"I love you," Junhoe repeated, his entire body buzzing with what could only be described as embarrassment mixed with excitement. He could see Bobby's cheeks turning bright red and it made him wonder if his own face didn't look just as flushed.

"Again."

Junhoe whined, but said it again anyway. And then, before Bobby could ask again for the third time, Junhoe shut his mouth with a firm kiss. His hands clutched onto the older's nape and the back of his head to deepen the kiss, and no one was saying anything afterward. There was no need to.

A shaky but happy sigh left Junhoe's mouth when Bobby's kisses moved away from his lips to his jaw and downward to his neck. It was weird, but he felt so _relieved_. It was as if there had been one final obstacle to jump over, one gigantic wall that hadn't seemed possible for him to overcome. But he did it, and was instantly rewarded by this great sense of accomplishment.

He gasped when he felt Bobby's hands touching the bare skin of his waist under his t-shirt, his hips rolling as a reflex. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about what had almost happened in the bathroom earlier before they got caught by Hanbin. His heart raced faster as the expectation grew inside of him and one of Bobby's hands was sneaking under the band of his boxers, and--

"Oh my good gracious God, I cannot _believe_ you guys!!!"

Shocked by the sound of Jinhwan's booming voice (and Donghyuk's muffled gasp), Junhoe sat up in a hurry. A series of painful misfortunes followed right after, starting from Junhoe bumping his forehead against Bobby's, Bobby rolling down the sofa onto the floor, Junhoe trying to get up but colliding his shin against the edge of the table nearby instead, wobbling in pain, and ending with him accidentally kicking Bobby on the ribs.

Paying no heed to the simultaneous tragedies happening in the living room, Jinhwan strutted over. From where Junhoe was currently whimpering in agony, which was on the floor right next to Bobby who was doing pretty much the same thing, he could see how very much not-amused Jinhwan looked. Donghyuk stood aside with both hands covering his half his face. He looked worried and maybe even scared, as if he was about to witness a massacre. Which, Junhoe thought as Jinhwan glared at him, might actually be happening soon.

"I thought you learned a thing or two after what happened with Hanbin. Apparently not," the mathyung retorted. "This is the _living room_! This is where I eat, watch TV and relax! Do you expect I could do any of that if I knew you two have _defiled_ this place by having sex here?! Now get out of my sight before I personally _castrate_ you both--with a nail clipper!!!"

**× THE END ×**


End file.
